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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think party guests should be fed?

198 replies

Meadmaiden · 04/04/2022 10:58

I always thought it was the norm that if you held a children's party, you should host the guests, which includes plentiful food and drinks. I've always done this for parties I have hosted, and almost all parties I have attended have been catered.

Another poster here said it's rude to expect food to be provided at all. Personally, I think it's rude to invite guests and not feed them. Culturally especially so for me.

I've been to a couple of kids parties where there was virtually no food, or no food, other than the cake. The families in both cases could have easily afforded to cater.

What is the general consensus?

OP posts:
SouperNoodle · 04/04/2022 13:29

I always make sure to have more than enough food for both children and adults when I hold a kids party.

SirChenjins · 04/04/2022 13:30

Wine for the parents? Sod that. Parties are held outside the house where you don’t have to worry about the mess or tidying up.

Swayingpalmtrees · 04/04/2022 13:41

I have always offered a glass of rose to the parents, as my children have summer parties, it has never been declined apart from the pregnant parents often would have it watered down or drank tea instead :) None of my friends are pizza eaters girl so it wouldn't really appeal banging in pizzas for 30 odd parents, but it is nice that you do that if it works for you. More of salmon and salad following here I would say.

So no, we don't do full catering for whole class parties and no one would have expected us to thankfully being a generally reasonable crowd.

Ohmybod · 04/04/2022 13:44

Are you living in the country where it is culturally the norm to provide party food for guests? Because if you’re not, then it’s lovely to share your own customs/traditions with others, but YABU to expect everyone else to follow suit.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 04/04/2022 13:51

I think it’s really weird that people think it’s rude to expect a child’s party would be catered. I can’t imagine an instance when it wouldn’t be - and if it wasn’t, it’s always very clearly communicated!

It is British culture to provide food?!

Cas112 · 04/04/2022 13:56

I personally couldn't imagine holding a party and not providing food

Renovationstation · 04/04/2022 14:03

Feed the children, even if its a mid afternoon do at home I'd expect a party tea with a few sandwiches, crisps, buns. I'd also expect tea/coffee/juice for the adults and hope for a plate of biscuits.

I've only been to one kids party at a nursery mums beautiful home where adults were catered for with alcohol and a special tray of canapes bought in from a local caterer! It was really generous, but nobody was expecting it as its not the norm where we are and it wasn't replicated at other nursery parties.

If it's an activity party at a venue like soft play I expect to buy my own refreshments from the cafe. If it's a big all class package I'd expect food for all children, but if it's a small invite a few friends to soft play arrangement I wouldn't mind if they said in advance no food was included.

altiara · 04/04/2022 14:09

In the UK it is the norm to feed kids at a kids party, but necessarily for other countries, my Dutch MIL said it’s not usual in the NL, they provide cake and squash.

VivaLaRaza · 04/04/2022 14:17

Dc’s school is big on whole class parties so they attend a lot of parties. We’ve had 14, in total, this year between the 3 of them. Every single one has had food. In fact, I’ve never been to a party that hasn’t had food. Ever. Even the 2 hour parties have 1 1/2 of play with 1/2 hr food at the end

whiteonesugar · 04/04/2022 14:20

If we have a party at home i always cater for everyone, but I dont expect it everywhere.

If at a soft play or something then i dont expect adults to be fed but i do children - unless its expressly stipulated on the invite. i always take snacks in case though - my DC went to a party that started at 12,30 and no food was available until 4pm and they were starving by then.

Original poster
Meadmaiden · 04/04/2022 14:21

@Ohmybod

Are you living in the country where it is culturally the norm to provide party food for guests? Because if you’re not, then it’s lovely to share your own customs/traditions with others, but YABU to expect everyone else to follow suit.
I live in the UK, and most parties do provide food, so I had thought it was the norm. I'm a second generation immigrant, and culturally it is the norm for me to feed guests a lot! I'm checking what the norm is in the UK.
OP posts:
Giraffesandbottoms · 04/04/2022 14:23

Surely it depends on the time of a party? If it’s 11-1 or something then people will need lunch. 2-4 I would assume cake and ice cream is totally acceptable.

Giraffesandbottoms · 04/04/2022 14:24

Wine at a children’s party is such a weird, British thing to do

Swayingpalmtrees · 04/04/2022 14:28

Wine at a children’s party is such a weird, British thing to do

Isn't it fabulous!

That is probably why lots of parents stay, and enjoyed the party as well. It is called fun and we don't have castigate ourselves at the alter of martyrdom to sometimes enjoy the odd kiddiefest.

longwayoff · 04/04/2022 14:29

What's happened to people? Guests? Feed them. Even if they don't want to eat it, you have to offer and they can accept or not. Bloody hell.

Giraffesandbottoms · 04/04/2022 14:30

I honestly can’t see how alcohol plus supervising children go together. I can’t. Particularly as lots of people drive to and from parties

Chely · 04/04/2022 14:32

I would expect food/drink to be provided for the kids at a party.
I would and have provided food/drink for children and adults at ones I've hosted.

girlmom21 · 04/04/2022 14:32

Salmon, salad and rosé? That's the tastes of all of your children's friends parents? Yeah we believe you...

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 14:34

@Swayingpalmtrees

You are only looking at this from your own point of view, lunch time parties tend to be best for younger children as they don't run into bath and bedtime. Why can't you have a late breakfast and an early supper? Why would any parent organising a party for their child sit there and consider when xx might want to eat lunch. It is not something most people factor in, as they assume people will work around it, and they normally do.

If you are hosting a big party of the whole class, as I would normally do throughout primary aged children, you are looking at 30-38 children, add all the parents as well and under your assumption the parents will be catering for 70 odd at least, some people rock up as couples. So it could be closer to 80-85. Are you seriously expecting parents to to provide catering for that many????? Just because you they can't eat a quick sandwich or an apple before they leave.

Personally I feel that if you're hosting your party about 12-3 then you're blocking out the whole lunch period, so it's not great to not offer the parents something to eat. I don't think that's too much to ask people to consider - if guests are travelling any amount of distance then they won't really have a chance to eat something to keep them going that long (and I don't know about you but an apple certainly wouldn't do the job)

If I was inviting too many people or for whatever reason didn't want to feed them then I would simply start the party a bit later so they have enough to time to eat lunch elsewhere. 1 o'clock shouldn't really be a problem for bathtimes and is more considerate of everyone coming. I don't see why people have to be so considerate of possible bathrimes, but not obvious lunchtime (ie the whole of the afternoon)

To clarify, I'm not saying hosts should need to provide proper meals for the adults, a big enough buffet for them to have a few bits or just some crisps/cake would do. Just not nothing.

Swayingpalmtrees · 04/04/2022 14:36

You sound like hard work asofa and perhaps a free loader.

No one is going to supply you with a full lunch or a buffet as an adult, not a party guest if you are driving say 10 minutes to drop your child off!
I am sure you are regularly disappointed.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 04/04/2022 14:39

I think it depends how long the party is and at what time. I think if the party is more than 3 hours you should probably provide food or if the party is taking place at a typical mealtime. A party going from 11-2 for example I think most would expect lunch. A party taking place between 2-4 is after lunch time and before dinner/ teatime, it’s only a couple of hours so cake should be enough as a snack.

UnbeatenMum · 04/04/2022 14:40

I personally always cater and usually do parties at tea time but I also think it's fine to do a mid afternoon thing with just cake or snacks if someone prefers to for whatever reason.

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 14:41

@Swayingpalmtrees

You sound like hard work asofa and perhaps a free loader.

No one is going to supply you with a full lunch or a buffet as an adult, not a party guest if you are driving say 10 minutes to drop your child off!
I am sure you are regularly disappointed.

Haha thanks for that. I could think you quite a few words for how you're coming across. As it happens you couldn't be any more wrong about the kind of person I am, I hate freeloaders and I'm very easy to please. I'm not talking about drop off parties I'm talking about parties where you're at the hosts house all afternoon with your kid.
Meklk · 04/04/2022 14:45

I really don't understand why there is a problem regarding food for parents if YOU ARE INVITING for party?
Yes, everything is so expensive but I would give at least few plates with snacks, biscuits, cheese crackers for parents+coffee/tea.It might be cultural thing, I'm not British but I would expect something if my son is invited.
We were at son's friend birthday last week, was cheese board for parents (brie, crackers, grapes), spring rolls and chicken bites. It won't cost more than £15.

Swayingpalmtrees · 04/04/2022 14:46

I am just marvelling at the joy of squabbling over children's party food again on here rather than the misery of the last two years of endless covid threads and not celebrating any birthdays properly for so long Wine Cake Glitterball