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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think party guests should be fed?

198 replies

Meadmaiden · 04/04/2022 10:58

I always thought it was the norm that if you held a children's party, you should host the guests, which includes plentiful food and drinks. I've always done this for parties I have hosted, and almost all parties I have attended have been catered.

Another poster here said it's rude to expect food to be provided at all. Personally, I think it's rude to invite guests and not feed them. Culturally especially so for me.

I've been to a couple of kids parties where there was virtually no food, or no food, other than the cake. The families in both cases could have easily afforded to cater.

What is the general consensus?

OP posts:
amymorris01 · 04/04/2022 14:46

Back in the day it would be a party at McDonald's everyone would eat if the adults stayed.

Original poster
Meadmaiden · 04/04/2022 15:12

I'm curious, those who don't cater for parents who you invite to stay, how do you do this? Do you hover over the food and tell grown ups it's not for them? It seems rather awkward.

OP posts:
Nietzschethehiker · 04/04/2022 15:16

Absolutely feed the kids, unless it's activity specific and then probably just cake but I'm amazed at the adults on here. There was an incident at a recent party ds2 attended that we all thought was a bit of an outlier and an entitled parent (who does have form to be fair ) but according to this thread its perfectly normal.

The party 2-4 fed the dc usual buffet malarkey. All fine plentiful drinks and food , couple of parents ate off their dc plate, again not an issue (mostly those who were pregnant or very young babies basically those in survival mode stage) but one parent made terribly passive aggressive comments about being "starving " because there was no specific parent food or tea an coffee.

Everyone was genuinely surprised, as a rule everyone assumes grown adults do not rely on kids birthday parties to feed them and can cope for a couple of hours. Honestly the fuss made about him not lasting and being hungry made him look like an overgrown child and there were some very confused questions about why he hadn't eaten at lunchtime.

The silly passove aggressive comments and huffing about how starving he was ensured he and his are unlikely to be invited anywhere going forward (although to be fair he was on his last strike after he told a parent off when his dc kicked her , fir being in the way of his little princess)

Locally and everywhere I've been the dc are fed but it's really odd for parents to be wittering about being starving at a kids birthday party?

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 15:20

Locally and everywhere I've been the dc are fed but it's really odd for parents to be wittering about being starving at a kids birthday party?

The party was at 2-4 so it was perfectly possible for him to have lunch beforehand. But no I don't think it's odd to expect some food/nibbles if you're there all afternoon starting from 12.

That doesn't mean we'd all act like that man.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 04/04/2022 15:22

Always food etc for the children. At a push I might put tea/coffee on do parents or offer left over food but I'd never do food for parents nor would I expect any.

MaudieandMe · 04/04/2022 15:33

If you’re hosting a children's birthday party, you should provide food for them. Them’s the rules. It doesn’t matter whether it’s 3 kids or 30.

Anyone inviting 30 kids to a party event (and taking delivery of 30 presents) is incredibly tight if they don’t provide some kind of basic meal during the party and MN posters may pretend they don’t judge but real life parents WILL.

We never did class parties as it’s not done here. Generally, you invite all the boys or girls and as it’s a village school, we’re talking around 6 boys.
We hosted a few parties when DS was 3 - 8 and afterwards it was just a couple of friends and a trip to the pictures.

Phormiumjester2 · 04/04/2022 15:35

@Meadmaiden

I'm curious, those who don't cater for parents who you invite to stay, how do you do this? Do you hover over the food and tell grown ups it's not for them? It seems rather awkward.
They just don't eat it! It's just implied. If they did nobody would stop them but I can't imagine a parent either queuing for a hot dog nor getting excited by a sausage roll and a handful of Wotsits.

It's a party for the KIDS - the adults know that.

Offer a coffee

sst1234 · 04/04/2022 15:47

Who are the people voting YABU? Why do you invite people, if you cannot even provide food? What’s the point? It really is incredibly weird and disrespectful to expect people to turn up - for what? For your glorious company when you are an inhospitable mean spirited host.

reluctantbrit · 04/04/2022 15:51

I think the best party we did was for 8 year olds between 2.30-4.30 which included a pack with a donut, fruit, chocolate and crisps. All was eaten, no leftovers to throw away and we had cupcakes to take home.

Reason - it was a outdoor forest party where we couldn't put on anything bigger and at that age they don't need a full meal at 3.45pm.

The only other ones where we were left with empty plates was a pizza delivery after a swimming party and burger/chicken nuggets at another outdoor event.

All typical smaller kids parties we had or DD attended, ended in a huge amount of leftovers thrown away. I really started feeling resentful and started planing for a different time or a place with food I was eaten.

Original poster
Meadmaiden · 04/04/2022 16:07

*They just don't eat it! It's just implied. If they did nobody would stop them but I can't imagine a parent either queuing for a hot dog nor getting excited by a sausage roll and a handful of Wotsits.

It's a party for the KIDS - the adults know that.

Offer a coffee*

It's not implied around here. Adults always tuck into the buffet, which I'm perfectly happy with.

OP posts:
gogohm · 04/04/2022 16:11

It does depend on the time- snacks and cake yes but if the party is 2-4pm why serve food which won't be eaten

Nanny0gg · 04/04/2022 16:11

@Duracellbunnywannabe

Of course it’s rude to expect something. It depends on the activity and time of day surely. I would be surprised if young kids parties cater for adults. We’ve alway done drinks for the adult but I wouldn’t expect food.
I think she means for the children
gogohm · 04/04/2022 16:15

@Meadmaiden

I never had parents stay past 5 years old.

OWU4U · 04/04/2022 16:24

I am the same as you op, cater for children, siblings and parents.

junglejane66 · 04/04/2022 16:47

Kids party without jelly and ice cream???

Dextersdaddy · 04/04/2022 16:54

We just did my 7 year olds party this weekend, it was held at a cookery school and the kids made their own afternoon tea. They all had a brilliant time and each one got to take a bag of scones home plus birthday cake. Easiest party I've ever done!

MurmuratingStarling · 04/04/2022 16:56

Of course! Very rude to not feed people at a party. I bet the ones voting YABU are the same individuals who think it's OK to have a party with no chairs too, so no-one has anywhere to sit! Wink

Phormiumjester2 · 04/04/2022 17:01

To caveat all of this - a SCHOOL OR NURSERY party where you send an invite
To Joshua S, please come to my party on ... at ...
RSVP to mum on 0789012345

Those parties, you feed the kids.

If it's a "family and friends" party where you know the whole family and there's grandparents/ aunties etc, at home or a BBQ for a really little one then I'd feed the adults.

But a school party, the guest is Joshua S not Joshua S and family. Or plus one!

Getmoveon14 · 04/04/2022 17:08

My kids went to a few parties without food, mainly because it was an activity where food wasn't readily available. I had no objections at all and it was usually made clear beforehand which was useful to know.

stuntbubbles · 04/04/2022 17:25

It’s a party, food is surely integral to the event!

I’ve not thrown one before (cheers, Covid) but about to do our first and I already love all the parents coming because they’ve asked what they can bring in terms of drinks and adult snacks, and I’m planning on feeding adults as well as kids. Cos it’s a PARTY.

Goldenbunny · 04/04/2022 17:31

I feed everyone attending if parents are staying they are fed to.

CharityShopChic · 04/04/2022 18:05

I would cater for children at a party, irrespective of time and activity.

I would not cater for adults who choose to hang around.

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 18:07

@CharityShopChic

I would cater for children at a party, irrespective of time and activity.

I would not cater for adults who choose to hang around.

I feel like people must be talking about parties with older children when they talk about adults who "choose to hang around", because I've only ever been to parties where it's expected that you will stick around with your small child.
Rewis · 04/04/2022 18:09

In my limited experience with kids parties I'd expect a cake. Usually there are also crisps, candy , cookies etc. Treats. I wouldn't expect anything savory.

DogsAndGin · 04/04/2022 18:10

Entirely dependent on timing