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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think party guests should be fed?

198 replies

Meadmaiden · 04/04/2022 10:58

I always thought it was the norm that if you held a children's party, you should host the guests, which includes plentiful food and drinks. I've always done this for parties I have hosted, and almost all parties I have attended have been catered.

Another poster here said it's rude to expect food to be provided at all. Personally, I think it's rude to invite guests and not feed them. Culturally especially so for me.

I've been to a couple of kids parties where there was virtually no food, or no food, other than the cake. The families in both cases could have easily afforded to cater.

What is the general consensus?

OP posts:
VyeBrator · 04/04/2022 11:46

For the no food parties, I left early as it reached a mealtime and my children were hungry.

How long were the parties? IME they tend to only be about 2-3 hours long.

Rebecca1305 · 04/04/2022 11:48

I agree with @TonkaTruckduck about present grabbing I went to a friends child’s party at her house it was over lunchtime and there was barely enough food for the kids let alone adults I was starving. They also had to cheek to serve the cake get us all to sing and not even cut it or give any in the party bags!!!!! all my toddler had talked about was cake before the party. The word tight comes to mind …if your expecting gifts etc then the least you can do is offer out the bloody cake which wasn’t even an expensive one (can you tell I’m annoyed 😄) I am hosting a party for my child soon and I will be cutting the cake there and then to dish out and il also be providing buffet style food for the kids and crisps-drinks snacks for the adults. I think it’s tight and rude not too.

Original poster
Meadmaiden · 04/04/2022 11:48

@VyeBrator

For the no food parties, I left early as it reached a mealtime and my children were hungry.

How long were the parties? IME they tend to only be about 2-3 hours long.

They didn't have a set end time. It was turn up at x location at eg 2pm or 3pm. At that time kids would have had lunch, but it was still going on a dinner time. My kids are used to a fairly early dinner.
OP posts:
Comedycook · 04/04/2022 11:50

Yes of course food should be provided for the kids. If parents are expected to stay then they should be fed too. Unless you're on the bones of your arse financially, there's no excuse. A few rounds of sandwiches and some crisps, sausage rolls are cheap and easy to do

Smartiepants79 · 04/04/2022 11:52

Food for the children at a party definitely but past a certain age the parents don’t expect to stay so I don’t have to feed them.
When the kids were very little I’d do snacks for the parents but after the age of about 5/6 they just drop them off and leave me to it!!

MiniatureHotdog · 04/04/2022 11:53

Parties usually have food ime, but it's fine if they aren't over a meal time and are an activity that doesn't lend itself to food.

Eg we went to a swimming party where they swam for 1.5 hours then were given a slice of cake after as they left. Totally fine.

I'm bemused by having to leave a party early if there's no food though Confused Can't your children last a good few hours without food as a one off?

1FootInTheRave · 04/04/2022 11:55

Absolutely there should be food provided for the kids.

Cheap and tight not to imo.

BlingLoving · 04/04/2022 11:55

@VyeBrator

'Plentiful' food at a kids party tends to create a lot of waste as more often than not, they just want to have a quick munch and then get on with playing. But yes, some food should definitely be provided and I have to say, in all my 53 years of going to kids parties I've never once been to one where there was no food at all.
This is why I'm anti sandwiches. I tend to leave out the healthier snack options during an activity and usually at some point the kids will descend en mass - things like chopped fruit, babybels, breadsticks etc. Sometimes I'll put crisps out as well (obviously those go first!). Then if all they eat of the main food is a single slice of pizza or a sausage, I feel like they've done okay overall!
Neverreturntoathread · 04/04/2022 11:56

Depends on the time and what else is
on. I’ve been invited to a couple kf kids activity parties from 2-4pm where they only get a slice of birthday cake at the end and I was glad there wasn’t more as it would have mucked up the evening mealtimes.

If invited to a party that crosses a mealtime eg 12-2pm or 3-5 then I’d expect sandwiches or pizza to be provided.

And yes usually the parties are 12-3 or 2-5 and usually there is food. Normally the mum sets up a wattsapp grouo and tells people in thst what to expect…

DelurkingAJ · 04/04/2022 11:56

We had a hall hire, home catered party this weekend. 2-4 so we did birthday tea…sandwiches (shouldn’t have bothered), mini sausages, carrots and cucumber sticks (which did get eaten!) plus crisps and biscuits. Cake in party bags. Adults who stayed offered drinks throughout and were told to please help us eat the food once the children were done and they did (hurray!). That struck me as expected. I think I’ve only been to one party where that wasn’t the approach (and that was outdoors mid COVID). If it had been over lunch or dinner time I would have provided more substantial food.

SD1978 · 04/04/2022 11:56

Food for the kids, absolutely. Coffee and a few sandwiches for the parents at most if it's around lunch time and the expectation is for adults to stay. If adults have chosen to stay- depending on the party, nothing provided as it's a huge extra cost. Live in Australia now and the expectation that you cater for (fully) adults who choose not to just drop off their 7 yr old + kids flipping floored me!

GoodSoup · 04/04/2022 12:02

I’ve only ever done soft play or trampoline parties where the kids get fed anyway, but of course you should feed them.

Basilthymerosemary · 04/04/2022 12:11

I’ve always done proper food for parents and kids followed by cake. But I’ve always had it catered as can’t be bothered to prepare food after preparing the decorations. I would never not feed guests. And always a party bag for the kids.

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 12:13

I wouldn't expect more than cake/nibbles if it was between 1-4.

MintyGreenDream · 04/04/2022 12:15

It ones I've been to its usually kids tuck in to buffet then adults go after

irishfarmer · 04/04/2022 12:23

With my nieces/ nephews birthday parties there are sweets/ cake that sort of thing. I can't say I ever remember seeing the kids have 'proper food' there are always enough buns etc for the adults etc. I don't remember parents staying around when I went to birthday parties in the 90s so they certainly weren't catered for.

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 12:26

I do absolutely hate being stood there at a party that's bang on lunchtime as an adult feeling absolutely starving but there not being anything to eat. I think if you're not expecting the adults to eat anything (assuming they're sticking around) it's quite mean to have your party start at 12.

Phormiumjester2 · 04/04/2022 12:29

I feel like I've been to at least 8 million parties over the years and every single one has fed the kids. Without exception. Some pizza / nugget types at trampoline parks, some sandwiches and crisps, some hot dogs but always food.

girlmom21 · 04/04/2022 12:42

@aSofaNearYou

I do absolutely hate being stood there at a party that's bang on lunchtime as an adult feeling absolutely starving but there not being anything to eat. I think if you're not expecting the adults to eat anything (assuming they're sticking around) it's quite mean to have your party start at 12.
Do you eat at 12 every day?

Most venues will have food you can buy.
Most adults will eat before if they know they're not going to be home for lunch.
Most adults can wait a couple of hours past a normal meal time without feeling starving.

Whooshaagh · 04/04/2022 12:43

@Meadmaiden
I'm so with you on this OP.

The most embarrassing party I ever went to.
Dh's db and dsil arranged a swimming party for their dd and my dd was invited.
After the swim, which would have been cheap, each dc guest was given a packet of crisps and a drink of juice in the cafe.
Parents collected and we returned to dbil's for lunch.
These people are not poor.
If I'd spent £10 on a gift for that I would not have been impressed.
They didn't even get sweets or cake!

Swayingpalmtrees · 04/04/2022 12:44

I think most parents can manage to make themselves a sandwich before leaving asofaNearyou if they are taking children to a lunchtime party. Catering for all of the children at a party is quite enough for most, without worrying about the same number of adults as well who are capable of sorting themselves out and being organised. It is not a free for all, but a kids party to celebrate their child's birthday. I hate CFs at parties, the same ones that bring siblings without asking.

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 12:45

*Do you eat at 12 every day?

Most venues will have food you can buy.
Most adults will eat before if they know they're not going to be home for lunch.
Most adults can wait a couple of hours past a normal meal time without feeling starving.*

Bit unnecessarily confrontational.

I'm talking about parties at people's homes, not at venues that sell food. I usually have to travel a bit to get to any party I go to (meaning you wouldn't have lunch before you leave) and then they last a fair few hours so yes, by 3-4pm, I would be pretty starving.

girlmom21 · 04/04/2022 12:47

@aSofaNearYou sorry, it wasn't intended to be confrontational so I apologise if it came across that way.

If you're having to travel a distance then going to someone's home I understand the issue and do think it's mean to not provide food in those circumstances

SirChenjins · 04/04/2022 12:47

I always catered for the children at my 3 DC's parties, irrespective of the time - and they didn't ever go to a party where they weren't catered for. Wouldn't normally have catered for the parents though.

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 12:47

@Swayingpalmtrees

I think most parents can manage to make themselves a sandwich before leaving asofaNearyou if they are taking children to a lunchtime party. Catering for all of the children at a party is quite enough for most, without worrying about the same number of adults as well who are capable of sorting themselves out and being organised. It is not a free for all, but a kids party to celebrate their child's birthday. I hate CFs at parties, the same ones that bring siblings without asking.
Hence why I would host the party later than 12, maybe 12:30 but 1 would be better, because if you're travelling more than 10 minutes you usually wouldn't have lunch before then. I'm not a CF at all, just find parties at 12 when you don't want to feed the people there a bit annoying.