Teachers- be honest please - do you judge or make assumptions?

[BlingLoving]

And if so, how often are you right?

eg when the kid turns up on day one with crazy curls, no hair tie (especially boys) do you immediately think, like I do, "oh no, this family is going to be a bit precious."

Or if the kid's clothes are consistently stained etc, do you chalk that up to parents having limited cash and taking view that school uniform is to be worn (my approach) or do you think they're just careless?

What about the ones who struggle to spend the time doing homework with their DC? Do you think they're just bad parents or are you sympathetic?

Teachers judge all the time. It's their job, i.e. assessing, and they look at everything.

Yes DH is a teacher and does. But his goes around manners more. For example, he says Nigerian families are the best - hard working, well mannered and a pleasure. Similar with Indian and other Asian families. Family culture has a lot to do with it.

I think you try not to make judgements but it's human nature. As a pp said, you're constantly evaluating why children react in certain ways either socially and academically and a lot of it is nurture. As for stained uniforms I think that's a given particularly at this point in the school year.

We judge constantly. If a child’s clothes are stained and he/she looks uncared for, I’d speak to the head of year, see if the child needs spare uniform. One little lad was in grey sleeves (white shirt), constantly filthy, so I organised spare shirts and to wash his uniform and dry it while he had PE so it wasn’t obvious.

I perfectly understand that some parents don’t have time to do homework, so we make homework easy to complete (links, learning only, offering use of the tablets at lunch)

I hope that most teachers ‘judge’ as we pick up issues that way. I don’t mean look down on parents/children, but notice so we can support.

Staff will observe pupils, but not to make judgement. Observations won't necessarily mean the sort of black and white judgements you list, more to spot any areas of concern school need to look into for safeguarding.

Interesting. I guess it's different types of judgement, even in my OP, and in the answers... eg manners telling you something about a family where a judgement is just broadly negative vs dirty clothes telling you something else that is not so much judgement as figuring out how to support.

Like I said, I tend to immediately make assumptions about families where the children have copious long curls, never tied back. I just know they're going to be all tinkly laughs and "oh so liberal" while their kids are probably hooligans! . x 100 if it's the boys who have these curls. So far I've been right every time but I look forward to being wrong at some point.

I find it incredibly frustrating that parents don't listen to their dc read.

It takes a TA pretty much a whole week to listen to every child once and the LA 20% every day.

I don't notice clothes except for shoes they can't tie themselves or that don't fit. I do t even notice if they are actually wearing uniform or not.

And I only notice hair that's in their faces. Some dc have to hold their hair when they work or when they are walking along or playing outside.

As a parent, this is quite disturbing.

Observing issues that could signal neglect or other concerns is one thing. But judging a family based on their nationality or chosen hairstyle is quite another.

The only thing I think about long, untied hair is “I hope they like doing a thorough nit comb every night”.
Never generalize about ethnicity.

No, I don't make assumptions!
The curly hair one is ridiculous (especially if you saw my wild mop).
I raise safe guarding concerns when there are signs that a child is being or at risk of neglect or abuse.
Apart from that, I teach my children to be inclusive, accepting and friendly to everyone and to challenge those who don't appropriately.

I work in reception in a posh area. Most families are pretty well-off (generally CEOs, doctors, lawyers and things like that.) Most of the children are neat and tidy looking, fancy clothes and jackets and shoes. Their behaviour and attitude suggests that not all have a very good home life, though.

I have some parents who are very interested, ask plenty of questions, follow the directions we set (things like not bringing personal items to school) and are clearly very dedicated to their children.

Then we have others who seem to not be very interested in their child's well-being. Things like not taking library books from the bag the whole week, never taking artwork out of their bags so it's still in there the next day. I understand that things get missed (I've done the same) but when it's every day, you start to wonder.

On the other end, you have the children whose parents think they can do no wrong and that they don't need to follow the rules. Personal items in their bag every day. Innappropriate clothing (big frilly skirts or high heels (yes on 5 year olds)).

Those kids tend to be the ones who are the worst to teach because they don't understand that they're not the centre of the world.

It's not really that I judge them exactly. Certainly not the kids. But when I have to battle with certain children every day to keep their toy in their bag even though I personally asked the parents not to send it, it's annoying and I wonder what on earth they're thinking. I don't think they're doing their kids any favours, because those children tend to be pretty miserable and just whine endlessly. Nothing's ever enough.

And I feel sorry for the ones who seem to have uncaring parents, because they're never going to get the help they need because the money inevitably covers up any neglect.

It's not really that I judge them exactly. Certainly not the kids. But when I have to battle with certain children every day to keep their toy in their bag even though I personally asked the parents not to send it, it's annoying and I wonder what on earth they're thinking. I don't think they're doing their kids any favours, because those children tend to be pretty miserable and just whine endlessly. Nothing's ever enough.

You'd love me! Every single day DD and I have the conversation about why she can't take her favourite soft toy to school. And every single day I insist that she doesn't because that's the school's rule. It feels like the most tortuous part about being her parent - having to say no relentlessly on this one thing that would mean a lot to her!

I try really hard not to make judgements. I worked in social care before I was a teacher and I know that none of the things we can make judgements on actually definitely mean anything. It is important we notice as you may be the only other adult looking out for that child. However, I always think that it could be me in their situation if things were different. Parenting is hard and no one is doing it ‘right’ so I always try to think that way first.
However sadly I have come across a lot of judgmental teachers, especially those without children ime. Leadership is key here, my current headteacher won’t accept judgemental comments in any way.

Like any other person a teacher who meets another person will have a first impression which may later change as they learn more about them.

I am a teacher. I also have an autistic child. Those judging I'm on behaviour, make sure it isn't undiagnosed SEN rather than poor parenting.

I used to judge behaviour and blame parents entirely for it, as a young teacher. I was wrong to do that and I've learned that the hard way!

*those judging on behaviour....

Dgs has a head of curls, it's not long hair as such as it only reaches his collar. Each time dd has it cut his hair gets bigger not shorter as without the length to pull the curls down the curls just get tighter. It's not long enough to tie back. I'm incredulous that dd and dgs could be judged purely because of hair they can do nothing about particularly as dd is completely opposite of the sort of parent who you assume have boys with long curls.

@AG1981

I am a teacher. I also have an autistic child. Those judging I'm on behaviour, make sure it isn't undiagnosed SEN rather than poor parenting.

I used to judge behaviour and blame parents entirely for it, as a young teacher. I was wrong to do that and I've learned that the hard way!

Interesting. At our school, I am aware of at least 2 families where the school has flagged possible SEN and the parents have pooh poohed it. I have found myself thinking less of the parents at that point. I always feel if a teacher raises an issue it's probably pretty serious.

I tend to immediately make assumptions about families where the children have copious long curls, never tied back. I just know they're going to be all tinkly laughs and "oh so liberal" while their kids are probably hooligans!

This is fucking awful. Like seriously. WTF.

One thing I wish I'd done more of as a parent is spend more time reading to them than hearing them read and following the school's diktats about reading schemes and so on. Neither DD reads for pleasure now and I read to them from them being babies, took them to the library, talked about books, we went to the Hay Festival and so on. The primary school approach to reading and having to tick a box and write something in a diary killed the love of it for them.

No I don’t judge. I do get to know the children and their families really well and I do learn about them and their home lives. I try to support them.

Sometimes I get frustrated when I know a child would really benefit from something that - for whatever reason - their families aren’t able to provide. But I also try to understand why families aren’t able to do that.

I also check my privilege so eg if my own dc have toothpaste on their uniform I know no-one is going to make assumptions about me not caring for them properly (because the proper school shoes, Boden coat, smiggle bag, ‘posh’ accent etc etc), unlike the single mum on a v. tight income. Because all sorts of people are making judgments all the time.

I judge my daughter's teacher, she's an utterly vile human being.

@hiredandsqueak

Dgs has a head of curls, it's not long hair as such as it only reaches his collar. Each time dd has it cut his hair gets bigger not shorter as without the length to pull the curls down the curls just get tighter. It's not long enough to tie back. I'm incredulous that dd and dgs could be judged purely because of hair they can do nothing about particularly as dd is completely opposite of the sort of parent who you assume have boys with long curls.

Well, that's good to hear. As a parent of a girl with serious curls - so tight that her hair was half way down her back when wet but at chin level when dry - I nonetheless always found a way to keep it out of her eyes for school. Loose at the back was generally fine until it got longer and became a risk during PE, but clips, alice bands, mini side pigtails etc were all deployed to ensure that she had it off her face while doing her school work.

chillylizard that's interesting. A Nigerian mum whose child I taught would always pay double for everything with a note to say the extra was for someone who couldn't afford it. I assumed it was general loveliness but perhaps cultural as well?

I judge the names and manners. We used to joke that on the first day you meet them you can generally rank them up for the by GCSEs they're going to get (I teach a core subject).

I don't ever judge on the looks, I know my own children often end up looking feral despite my best efforts.