Teachers- be honest please - do you judge or make assumptions?

[BlingLoving]

And if so, how often are you right?

eg when the kid turns up on day one with crazy curls, no hair tie (especially boys) do you immediately think, like I do, "oh no, this family is going to be a bit precious."

Or if the kid's clothes are consistently stained etc, do you chalk that up to parents having limited cash and taking view that school uniform is to be worn (my approach) or do you think they're just careless?

What about the ones who struggle to spend the time doing homework with their DC? Do you think they're just bad parents or are you sympathetic?

@Cherrysoup

We judge constantly. If a child’s clothes are stained and he/she looks uncared for, I’d speak to the head of year, see if the child needs spare uniform. One little lad was in grey sleeves (white shirt), constantly filthy, so I organised spare shirts and to wash his uniform and dry it while he had PE so it wasn’t obvious.

I perfectly understand that some parents don’t have time to do homework, so we make homework easy to complete (links, learning only, offering use of the tablets at lunch)

I hope that most teachers ‘judge’ as we pick up issues that way. I don’t mean look down on parents/children, but notice so we can support.

My eldest has always been a filthy looking child in the afternoons. I always used to hope that they had the same teacher all day as he’d be clean in the morning but look like he’d been sleeping rough for a week or two post break.

@Anorthernlass

The most judgemental teachers IMHO are the ones without children. Those with kids tend to be more laid back and inclusive. Had kids in schools for 16 years and it's very been rare to find a young teacher who truly gets kids. So thats me as a parent judging teachers lol!

Sadly would agree. And include myself pre-children.

But I think it might be age and inexperience rather than whether someone has kids, if you see what I mean.

Lots to be said for experience in teaching!

@Branleuse

of course teachers judge. When you have to deal with teachers a lot, for instance if your child has SEN, you can absolutely tell which are the ones that think its all because of your terrible parenting, and sometimes you can feel that the whole team have these judgements and have discussed it. Other times you feel like theyre all on your side and want the same thing. Teachers are only human.

This. 💯

I think it's unfair that whilst some children have their type 3 big hair that their parents couldn't possibly manage any other way than letting it just be, the children with type 4 hair have parents who put effort into looking after it. As though one group has an extra privilege that the others don't.

I hope no one notices the constant ink stains on DSs jumper - I would seriously have to buy him a new jumper everyday!

Yes some of his white polo shirts are a little grey but my DH doesn’t check the washer before loading, if it helps I have lots of grey underwear😂

@Myboypink I feel so awful for not achieving this. But my daughter is a summer baby, in reception and she’s often very tired after school. I have to balance her, her little brother and cooking etc. I’m also very conscious that if I push my stubborn girl she’s going to end up hating reading, so right now I’m picking my battles and just hoping that it’s the right approach.

I’m support staff. Yes, teacher and other staff do judge but to a much lesser extent than I thought being a parent myself (I didn’t always work in schools). Both judging and sympathetic. Unless the child looks horribly neglected, teachers don’t think much of stains or messy hair really. They don’t think much about you forgetting to do the homework from time to time. What is being judged is how some parents refuse to negotiate/understand/cooperate and take a “victim” position like everyone’s horrible to them or their child. Also some parents are horribly disrespectful. Overall, no, teachers or staff don’t spend days “micro judging” pupils or parents. I’ve been surprised actually.

Why do you look forward to being proved wrong? What business is it of yours if a boy as curly loose hair ?

I think that teachers should have more allowances for children that struggle with homework and reading. Not because they are incapable or parents are lazy. When my eldest was in reception the teacher 100% judged us. She simply could not comprehend that his brain has to separate School and Home. In year 1 it was picked up very quickly that he had ADHD which we had been saying for years and that trying to push homework and reading on him at home just resulted in him having meltdowns and massive fights.
As it currently stands we don't force anything at home, if he asks to do some homework or reading we do, we also noticed recently that whilst the school thinks he is quite behind in his reading, he isn't and is perfectly capable of reading he just can't be bothered. It isn't laziness on anyone's part it is just trying to adjust to his needs

Regarding hair I’m not fussed as some children will have trickier hair and it does fall out of plaits, ponytails etc. I don’t think it makes any difference to their learning. It does annoy me when parents don’t read with their children as it’s so tricky to get round all 30 of them in a week. We send homework because the parents want it, I’m not massively fussed if they do it or not. We mark what’s done. The research says homework isn’t beneficial for KS1 children. I do slightly judge when children come in with shirts that have yesterday’s dinner on them. Yes white shirts will go grey etc but it rings my safeguarding bells when they come in with dirty clothes or no breakfast.

@Anorthernlass
Unfortunately I agree. I observed that the colleagues with children usually have more perspective and understanding than those who are child free by choice.

Wow! I never knew there were hair judgements!!! :) This thread is eye opening (slinks off to check kids aren't due a hair cut!!)..

[quote fourofwands]@BlingLoving I'd like to know what you'd make of my DD as a teacher.

She has crazy 3b curls, which she hates having tied up due to sensory issues (ASD). I would prefer her to tie her hair up for school but this causes arguments and potentially a meltdown, so I choose my battles.

Would you rather she arrived late to school, disrupting the rest of the class as a result, feeling churned up because she's had a meltdown? Or would you prefer her to arrive at school happy and ready to learn with her crazy curls?

I hope teachers aren't judging her and our family based on her hair. [/quote]
To be honest, when I make assumptions about these children's families (and again, I reiterate, it always seems to be boys), I am quite happy to be proven wrong. But I can say with absolute certainty that after knowing the relevant parents for a few years now, in my case, I wasn't!

So I don't dispute that there may well be situations where this particular assumption I make is wrong, I just haven't had that experience yet.

Now that I have my own children, there probably are behaviours that pre-kids I did make assumptions about and that now I just never would because I have a much better understanding of the realities of children and life with them (we've all been on some hilarious threads I'm sure where we admit how STUPID we could be before children vs after!) But for me, this one continues!

Just wondering what teachers might think of a six year old boy with no socks? I have a battle with ds everyday when we try on 3 different pairs of socks and he pulls them off screaming. In the end I let him go in with no socks otherwise we would not get there on time. But what would a teacher make of a sockless child?

I'm 52. I still have nightmares about my old senior school headmistress. She judged me because the family wasn't the right political party for the school's demographic, that the language spoken at home was English and not Welsh, and that I refused to stop speaking English in the corridors. Because of her, I wouldn't speak Welsh for a decade after leaving school. This is what judging children does.

Hubs is a trained teacher, working in SEN. He notices issues, but does his best not to judge a child for their name or appearance. We've both been involved in cadets (Army and Air) and with other youth movements - so have had countless hours of child protection training. And one of the points that has been drilled into us is that we should notice and not judge. Notice, check, report.

Some of the comments here are awful. Deciding on day 1 that a child won't succeed? Based on name and/or appearance? Way to set them up to fail! You might think that you'll give them equal attention, but if you already think they will fail, you will subconsciously favour the ones more likely to pass.

I don’t judge families on children’s appearance or their behaviour. I can’t believe any professional would judge a family based on the hair style of their child.
I’m obviously aware of issues within families as the parents trust me and talk to me. I am very aware of markers that could suggest safeguarding issues.
I’ve spent most of my teaching career working in areas that are classed as some of the most deprived in the country and I’ve learned that 99.9% of parents are just doing their best with the resources and tools they have at the time.

@Longcovid21

Just wondering what teachers might think of a six year old boy with no socks? I have a battle with ds everyday when we try on 3 different pairs of socks and he pulls them off screaming. In the end I let him go in with no socks otherwise we would not get there on time. But what would a teacher make of a sockless child?

Seamless bamboo socks bought in bulk at £1 a pair from Sockshop online changed our lives....

(and for DS other sensory problems that sometimes made aspects of school uniform a challenge, I just spoke to the school so that they understood. They were always supportive and suitably pleased as he learnt to deal with each issue along the way).

@hiredandsqueak

Op as parent to two with ASD and one with dyspraxia my tips would be invest in two white boards one for bedroom one for kitchen and a basket for the door your child uses to leave by. Have timetable on both white boards. Highlight the days he needs to take extra kit so PE kit, cookery stuff, Art Apron etc. Each evening check the planner, note homework and when due on whiteboard. Instill a routine, enters house hangs coat and leaves school shoes next to basket, empty bag of lunchbox, check timetable for following day's lessons, pack bag with books and pencil case then, check that homework done put that in bag, put bag in basket along with PE kit or any other kit needed. Have checklist by front door to prompt lunchbox/cookery items to be added next morning. If you can colour code subjects and buy poly folders put each book in a poly folder along with homework and text book, have keyring on pencil case with colour code discreetly written so son can pull out the poly folder with all needed for that lesson instead of rooting through bag for individual items. You will probably need to do lots of supervision initially but it will sink in eventually.

Absolutely brilliant advice 👏

@Longcovid21

Just wondering what teachers might think of a six year old boy with no socks? I have a battle with ds everyday when we try on 3 different pairs of socks and he pulls them off screaming. In the end I let him go in with no socks otherwise we would not get there on time. But what would a teacher make of a sockless child?

Does he have some sort of additional need? When I’ve worked with a child with additional needs I’d generally just skip over that sort of thing and presume they had some sort of sock aversion.

If this was a neuro typical six year old in our British weather I would expect them to be wearing socks.

For things like hair and cleanliness I don’t ‘judge’ per se but obviously if a child is persistently grubby and ungroomed it will raise flags for me to mention it to a superior, since being clean and well cared for is an expectation for the child’s benefit and not having these can be a sign of neglect or a family in need of support. It’s not an unkindness to notice these things.

As a mum of an autistic boy did not want to read and run. I’m also a teacher. Buy a plastic folder for each subject (TUFF on Amazon- very hard wearing). Then any loose sheets etc get out in the bag too, as well as textbook and exercise book. Then they only have to remember one thing per subject. Also at GCSE buy a copy of the textbook if you can (second hand ok too) so then one at home one in school locker so bag not so heavy going to school. Good luck

[quote fourofwands]@BlingLoving I'd like to know what you'd make of my DD as a teacher.

She has crazy 3b curls, which she hates having tied up due to sensory issues (ASD). I would prefer her to tie her hair up for school but this causes arguments and potentially a meltdown, so I choose my battles.

Would you rather she arrived late to school, disrupting the rest of the class as a result, feeling churned up because she's had a meltdown? Or would you prefer her to arrive at school happy and ready to learn with her crazy curls?

I hope teachers aren't judging her and our family based on her hair. [/quote]
I think the OP was going for the wannabe surf dude with tumbling curls- the kind who’s too cool for school (school work) and whose ott laissez-faire parents could but won’t cramp his bornfree attitude.

How is long curly hair different to long straight hair? I have curly hair, as do my DC. I wear mine down and I am taken aback that I could be judged and (incorrect) assumptions made about my personality based on my natural hair! My DD has her hair tied back as it is long enough to. Why judgement on curly hair but not straight hair?

My DS (in infants) also has jumpers that have whiteboard marker stains on them as they use those daily in class; I’d be buying jumpers weekly in order to send him in without any stains! He isn’t the only one either.

As for homework whenever I’ve supported in reception/year one (and even preschools sometimes!!) I couldn’t give a monkeys about homework. I don’t think young kids should even have homework.

My mother used to teach classes of 40 six year old with no teaching assistant in a poor area of Newcastle after WWII. Last year I found a post online from an elderly lady who had been her pupil. She said my mother used to comb her long hair and give her ribbons - something no one ever did at home and she remembered it to this day, the young teacher not judging, just looking after her.

@ThatsNotMyMuffin

I judge the names and manners. We used to joke that on the first day you meet them you can generally rank them up for the by GCSEs they're going to get (I teach a core subject).

I don't ever judge on the looks, I know my own children often end up looking feral despite my best efforts.

This is absolutely gross. If I ever supported in a classroom where the teacher thought it funny to say haha let’s look at the kids names and judge what GCSEs they’ll get I’d be absolutely disgusted.