Teachers- be honest please - do you judge or make assumptions?

[BlingLoving]

And if so, how often are you right?

eg when the kid turns up on day one with crazy curls, no hair tie (especially boys) do you immediately think, like I do, "oh no, this family is going to be a bit precious."

Or if the kid's clothes are consistently stained etc, do you chalk that up to parents having limited cash and taking view that school uniform is to be worn (my approach) or do you think they're just careless?

What about the ones who struggle to spend the time doing homework with their DC? Do you think they're just bad parents or are you sympathetic?

@ThatsNotMyMuffin

I judge the names and manners. We used to joke that on the first day you meet them you can generally rank them up for the by GCSEs they're going to get (I teach a core subject).

I don't ever judge on the looks, I know my own children often end up looking feral despite my best efforts.

Surely you understand the dangers of making assumptions like this and the impact your bias will have on the child - that your assumptions and the impact they have on how you interact with that child may well mean that your predictions come true?

Assume a child won't succeed at the very first meeting, that child doesn't stand a chance.

My DM used to be a primary school teacher in an inner city area and she was also a SENCO. I think she did judge sometimes but she looked deeper into the problems because she knew a lot of the children and their families had problems which required understanding and help.

I recall when I was a teenager and sometimes went to school to help her or on school trips some of the teachers were really quite nasty talking about young children and I think it can be easy to make sweeping statements about a child based on looks/scruffiness etc.

Some parents have more time and inclination to spend time with their children doing homework and some are too busy with working or family life.

Long curly hair which isn’t tied back-I would strongly suspect are riddled with lice.

Otherwise clean polo shirts with whiteboard pen stains on that won’t come out, is one thing. Dirty clothes with 3 day old encrusted bolognese and a strong smell of urine is another.

Yes, I do think badly of parents that never hear their child read. Especially those who should at me because I have only heard them read once that week.

Some of the comments on here are absolutely bonkers.

I can honestly say I don’t judge on any of these markers - but I truly believe that uniform and homework are a complete waste of time.

NO, I did not know that and frankly, that's GENIUS. As it's never come up because at primary everything is provided, I hadn't even thought of that. But it's a really good idea. Thank you. DS, bless him, told me that he thinks he'll just carry ALL his books for the school day as he knows he's going to struggle with getting Book A and Book B for periods 1 and 2 and then book C and D for Periods 3 and 4 after break etc.

I had to do this at school as there wasn't any lockers. And even if there was secondarys are so big I wouldn't have been organised enough to work out how to get them in time.
I'd recommend a proper backpack, as hiking backpack as you can get without it being "uncool". Key things to look for are proper back support and padding as well as padded straps. I used to cart everything around in a tote bag because "that's what the cool kids did", my back regrets that now

@bluebaul

I tend to immediately make assumptions about families where the children have copious long curls, never tied back. I just know they're going to be all tinkly laughs and "oh so liberal" while their kids are probably hooligans!

This is fucking awful. Like seriously. WTF.

I agree! I have long hair and I don’t tie it back. It’s nothing to do with being “oh so liberal” and more that I hate it tied back.

I work with kids and some have untamed hair. I don’t judge them as my hair is hard to tame but I’m still nice I reckon.

I do judge the parents who don’t seem to have any respect for the people looking after their children all day, or who don’t show any joy whatsoever when collecting their children.

@ThatsNotMyMuffin

I judge the names and manners. We used to joke that on the first day you meet them you can generally rank them up for the by GCSEs they're going to get (I teach a core subject).

I don't ever judge on the looks, I know my own children often end up looking feral despite my best efforts.

Judging on the names is just as bad as judging on looks.

of course teachers judge. When you have to deal with teachers a lot, for instance if your child has SEN, you can absolutely tell which are the ones that think its all because of your terrible parenting, and sometimes you can feel that the whole team have these judgements and have discussed it. Other times you feel like theyre all on your side and want the same thing. Teachers are only human.

The comments about curls on the OP and subsequent posts are shocking and offensive. Curls are natural and beautiful and DO NOT denote naughtiness or carelessness.

Only in obvious cases of neglect or abuse. That always breaks my heart. Otherwise, families are all different and have their own ways of doing things. Most parents are doing their best, often in hard circumstances given where I teach (deprived area). You learn to tell the difference between kids living in poverty and kids who are neglected.

@Enterthedragons

The comments about curls on the OP and subsequent posts are shocking and offensive. Curls are natural and beautiful and DO NOT denote naughtiness or carelessness.

They also lean towards a xenophobic attitude.

I'm human and subject to biases and stereotyping like everyone else, but I've also been a teacher long enough to know that if you make assumptions about children and their families, you're going to get a lot of things wrong. Now I work with very vulnerable teenagers, and as a PP said, effective safeguarding requires noticing followed by support. Not judgement.

The most judgemental teachers IMHO are the ones without children. Those with kids tend to be more laid back and inclusive. Had kids in schools for 16 years and it's very been rare to find a young teacher who truly gets kids. So thats me as a parent judging teachers lol!

I think it is part of human nature to sometimes jump to conclusions based on what we see. Teachers are human and most are just doing their best for every child. However there are a few very worrying posts on here about judging based on ethnicity, names etc and that is really concerning. Maybe that small minority need to reflect on their actions and the impact it will have on those children. Maybe you think you are not showing your bias in the classroom, but I would say that is highly unlikely.

To the posters who think its ok to make statements such as all Nigerian families are lovely and polite. Did you ever think those people are having to try harder to 'fit in' and avoid racism? Did you ever think that building up a stereotype on these families about how polite they are might lead to a culture of some thinking they then cannot complain? It is really harmful to make stereotypes like this, eg some maternity staff claim that Black women cope well in labour; what does this lead to? Black women not being given pain relief when they ask for it because they don't 'need it'. Please think before creating stereotypes, even if you think they are positive.

All of the things you mentioned could be signs that a family is struggling, so yes of course teachers pick up on that, and often intervene but to help the child and family. Not to judge them for not being able to afford to wash clothes more often, or have spare uniform. And often the parents don’t have time to help with homework because they work long hours in tough jobs like building work or cleaners or in late night shops.
I’m more likely to judge the ‘nice’ MC parent who doesn’t help with the kids home learning because they don’t believe in homework…

Primary teacher here- yes i do !
When I hear the names - Mason , Alfie , Billy , Dolly , Ellie-Mai, Demi- Jade - I am already thinking - help !

It is awful but of course I have re judgments . When i hear a parent saying - I ain’t got time to read with him , he does my head in ! I feel so sorry the child and immediately know the sort of parent I am dealing with !

Harsh but true .

The comments about curls on the OP and subsequent posts are shocking and offensive. Curls are natural and beautiful and DO NOT denote naughtiness or carelessness

Honestly what the fuck. I have wild curly hair and so does one of my boys. It’s gorgeous. I’m not shearing it all off and nor am I going to tie it up. He’s nearly 4 so it’s his final year or so of it being vaguely acceptable to leave a bit floppy and long so I will. It’s washed every night and brushed and I’m not in the least a hippy - if I heard a teacher made such ludicrous assumptions I would assume they were a moron and I would hope that my child wasn’t in the class.

Not sure what curls have to do with it! My only judgment is the parents that never listen to their child read or even open their book bags(primary) to read letters etc. If your child can’t read, how can they access school work beyond year 2?
On a less serious not but very annoying, why buy lace up shoes if you’re not going to teach your child to tie them? I don’t have time to attend to 20+ untied laces.

My biggest annoyances is - I haven’t got time to read with my child .
Seriously . You don’t have 5 mins in 24 hours to read with your child ? Your child will honestly thrive from 5 mins a day !!!!!!!!!!!

Im

@WalltoWallBtards

All of the things you mentioned could be signs that a family is struggling, so yes of course teachers pick up on that, and often intervene but to help the child and family. Not to judge them for not being able to afford to wash clothes more often, or have spare uniform. And often the parents don’t have time to help with homework because they work long hours in tough jobs like building work or cleaners or in late night shops. I’m more likely to judge the ‘nice’ MC parent who doesn’t help with the kids home learning because they don’t believe in homework…

Me!

They also lean towards a xenophobic attitude.

Lots of people disagreeing with me re curls, no problem! But I don't understand this comment? The families I'm talking about are white british middle class ones who refer to their DS' "ringlets" or similar.

I'm guessing you think I mean black children with very curly hair? In my experience, black children at our school have hair that isn't in their faces. I couldn't care less about the styles they choose to use to do this or how the hair looks overall - looking after small children's hair is HARD, especially if it's curly or the child has sensory issues (I have both of these in my DC).

I just get frustrated at parents who seem to think their little darlings shouldn't be restricted, leaving their hair to fall in their faces. I particularly find it annoying when 99% of girls wear their hair off their faces, as requested by schools, but the boy with the above "ringlets" or "locks" seem to think they can do what they like.

@BlingLoving

They also lean towards a xenophobic attitude.

Lots of people disagreeing with me re curls, no problem! But I don't understand this comment? The families I'm talking about are white british middle class ones who refer to their DS' "ringlets" or similar.

I'm guessing you think I mean black children with very curly hair? In my experience, black children at our school have hair that isn't in their faces. I couldn't care less about the styles they choose to use to do this or how the hair looks overall - looking after small children's hair is HARD, especially if it's curly or the child has sensory issues (I have both of these in my DC).

I just get frustrated at parents who seem to think their little darlings shouldn't be restricted, leaving their hair to fall in their faces. I particularly find it annoying when 99% of girls wear their hair off their faces, as requested by schools, but the boy with the above "ringlets" or "locks" seem to think they can do what they like.

Either or, it doesn’t matter. Curly hair can be part of someone’s culture regardless of their skin colour. And you’re judging them for it.

@BlingLoving I'd like to know what you'd make of my DD as a teacher.

She has crazy 3b curls, which she hates having tied up due to sensory issues (ASD). I would prefer her to tie her hair up for school but this causes arguments and potentially a meltdown, so I choose my battles.

Would you rather she arrived late to school, disrupting the rest of the class as a result, feeling churned up because she's had a meltdown? Or would you prefer her to arrive at school happy and ready to learn with her crazy curls?

I hope teachers aren't judging her and our family based on her hair.

@MsMarch
That doesn't sound very good and I agree it would be a concern if parents didn't respond to the concerns of the school regarding SEN.

Equally of the mother of an autistic girl who presents differently from the stereotype, I had to fight for 3 years to get any of the teachers at school to believe that it was autism!

As soon as we saw a SLT they said there was little doubt and she was shocked the school hadn't seen it or provided any support 🤷‍♀️ so it works both ways.

Op as parent to two with ASD and one with dyspraxia my tips would be invest in two white boards one for bedroom one for kitchen and a basket for the door your child uses to leave by. Have timetable on both white boards. Highlight the days he needs to take extra kit so PE kit, cookery stuff, Art Apron etc. Each evening check the planner, note homework and when due on whiteboard.
Instill a routine, enters house hangs coat and leaves school shoes next to basket, empty bag of lunchbox, check timetable for following day's lessons, pack bag with books and pencil case then, check that homework done put that in bag, put bag in basket along with PE kit or any other kit needed. Have checklist by front door to prompt lunchbox/cookery items to be added next morning.
If you can colour code subjects and buy poly folders put each book in a poly folder along with homework and text book, have keyring on pencil case with colour code discreetly written so son can pull out the poly folder with all needed for that lesson instead of rooting through bag for individual items.
You will probably need to do lots of supervision initially but it will sink in eventually.