Teachers- be honest please - do you judge or make assumptions?

[BlingLoving]

And if so, how often are you right?

eg when the kid turns up on day one with crazy curls, no hair tie (especially boys) do you immediately think, like I do, "oh no, this family is going to be a bit precious."

Or if the kid's clothes are consistently stained etc, do you chalk that up to parents having limited cash and taking view that school uniform is to be worn (my approach) or do you think they're just careless?

What about the ones who struggle to spend the time doing homework with their DC? Do you think they're just bad parents or are you sympathetic?

The Teachers Union should organise for teachers to chat with pregnant mums about what to name children for academic success. Properly named children will make teacher more efficient as they won’t need to spend time snarking, laughing and doling out bias.

Surely teachers are being paid to get the best out of children, regardless of their hair type and political persuasion of the parents. No 4 year old should be judged

It’s not being judgy, it’s being observant to safeguarding issues. If my being judgy saves a child’s life then I’ll judge away

Yes but evaluation of hair length and type is not a safeguarding issue!

The school my kids are at is quite judgemental
We live in quite a nice area but we rent our house and there are a lot of very wealthy parents around here clearly with a lot more disposable income

It's a state school but 2 main fundraisers every year are the school summer and Christmas ball, at a local hotel - tickets being £50 each but you have to book 10 tickets for a full table - thankfully this stopped during COVID but it's scheduled again for July.

The rich parents all go and buy tickets, donate expensive raffle prizes etc and then Their kids often get lead roles in plays, assemblies, selected for class reps and mini school council etc - the PTA is ran by mums who don't work and have tonnes of money!!

It's the school I went to and I wanted my kids to go to that school as it's in a nice area but the attitude of some of the teachers isn't great

My daughter had a dirty jumper in her bag and went to School then felt cold so got the dirty jumper out and put it on

The head rang me to ask "if we were managing" which was extremely patronising and said in a rude way not a "would you like any help" approach and now I feel she looks down her nose at me

It's a very difficult situation

@RazzlePuff

The Teachers Union should organise for teachers to chat with pregnant mums about what to name children for academic success. Properly named children will make teacher more efficient as they won’t need to spend time snarking, laughing and doling out bias.

Yes 😂 maybe then teachers could concentrate instead of nastily laughing at kids and predicting they won’t get GCSEs because they’re named Ellie.

@bluebaul

I tend to immediately make assumptions about families where the children have copious long curls, never tied back. I just know they're going to be all tinkly laughs and "oh so liberal" while their kids are probably hooligans!

This is fucking awful. Like seriously. WTF.

I think it is the "never tied back" bit. Why do you think it is awful. Does it describe your child?

@Enterthedragons

The comments about curls on the OP and subsequent posts are shocking and offensive. Curls are natural and beautiful and DO NOT denote naughtiness or carelessness.

Don't be so precious. That is not what was said or implied. You must be easily shocked!

@Kanaloa

As for homework whenever I’ve supported in reception/year one (and even preschools sometimes!!) I couldn’t give a monkeys about homework. I don’t think young kids should even have homework.

Yes, way too much homework (other than reading spelling and tables).

@INeedNewShoes

copious long curls, never tied back. I just know they're going to be all tinkly laughs and "oh so liberal" while their kids are probably hooligans!

Have you ever tried to tie curly hair back?

I had thick curly hair as a child. Shy, low self-esteem, academic, well-behaved.

DD has wild hair that looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards within 5 minutes of me doing it in the mornings: shy, well-behaved, quiet.

Thankfully you're not her teacher

HEADBAND?

We're all human, we all judge, this is our first impression, the difference is wether this is fluid of fixed.
As a teacher, starting the school year, im standing in front of 20 to 30 children, I'm looking around wondering what kind of year we will have. Luckily I'm in the same school every year, so I have an awareness of the children moving up, but I'm teaching primary 1, so some of the little faces are very new to us. I do agree that we judge based on looks, mannerisms, actions, etc, this helps us build a picture of each little child. They are all very unique and it's important to take that into consideration when planning and implementing learning experiences. These initial judgements can turn out to be true or false, for example, a very small little boy, looks quiet, angelic, like butter won't melt, but in reality he's ac cheeky happy, a very loud little boy. I think it's important not to let personal judgement stand in the way, it's important to allow children to grow and develop with confidence, creating there own little personality. The same goes with judgements on outfits, cleanliness, parental behaviours etc. I've had parents I initially thought were going to be hard work because of our first interactions, but ended up the most supportive and helpful parents.
There's nothing wrong with first impressions and judging someone, but it's how you use this moving forward, it's not fixed and you need to be aware of that.

Hair that touches the collar should be fully tied back at all times in school. If you won’t follow the rule, cut your child’s hair short. How hard is this?
As for names, it’s the first thing people learn about you. Choosing something sensible that isn’t trendy or illiterate will save a child many explanations over a lifetime.

@Tidy2018

In Scotland here. We have restorative justice. In secondary this mostly consists of restorative conversations, early involvement of parents/carers, campus cops with good relationships with older kids.

Primary is very much nurture and wellbeing.

No detentions. Punishment, when necessary, takes place within school hours.

Restorative justice...where the bully gets a second go and the victim is overreacting?

We have to. Because anything that seems not right we have to report in case it's part of a bigger picture and I'd expect/hope that my kid's teachers are doing it to them too. I've reported a lot of things over my career that have looked a bit off but amounted to nothing (suspicious bruises, kids saying they have to share a tooth brush) but I don't care because I've also seen fairly innocuous things turn out to be the disclosure that revealed something serious. So I'd rather make 100 mistakes that turn out to be nothing than relax and miss something serious.

When teachers say report though they don't mean call social services and have your kids taken off you until you agree to put a bobble in their hair. It's just an online system where we type up anything that doesn't look right, so a lot of small things that don't look right are all kept in one place in case they start to add up.

On a personal note unruly hair or recurring nits are not something I would give a second thought too. Matted hair would raise alarm bells though and I do judge people whose kids and their homework smell of smoke and who don't give their kid a toothbrush.

Oh and yes on a more lighthearted note if your kid is called Jude and has beautiful blonde curly hair I know exactly what type of person you'll be (but that's probably because I love the name Jude and want my kid to grow his hair but it's so thick he ends up looking like a mushroom, so they're probably the type of person I wish I was but am stuck here with my bad temper and a mushroom headed feral kid instead).

@Invasionofthegutsnatchers

And actually I think binning uniform would increase inequality. At least within a uniform policy there's limited scope for elitism. Remove the uniform entirely and the label-rich (not necessarily cash rich) families would show off their Nike etc.

The best scenario would be to ban labelled uniform so that all families would shop at Asda, M&S or wherever to buy plain coloured uniform. No logos

Agree! All schools should also have a 2nd hand uniform shop.

This is an interesting thread. @Cherrysoup I’d be absolutely mortified if I knew you were washing my kids stuff during PE. I’d also be a bit peed off tbh if you were doing this every week.. x

Do you judge the parents of DC who is absent a lot due to repeated tonsillitis, chest infection and every bug that's sweeping through the classroom.
DS has missed too much this year

I’ve never judged a child on their hair style or nationality- that’s bizarre. Unkempt is different, we are trained to look for this as a sign of neglect. But some kids are just scruffy by nature. I do judge parents whose own poor behaviour affects their children badly

@Pumperthepumper

It doesn’t make them equal though. The rich kids can afford better shoes, badges, underwear, trainers for PE, replacements for all of the above. All children can’t be equal financially, and the only thing uniform does is add more financial pressure to those who can’t afford it.

I think if a school wants to have a uniform it should a) be practical and b) provided by the school.

In Italy small children's 'uniform' is a sort of smock over their ordinary clothes. It keeps their clothes clean and all wear the same.

When I say the school should provide uniform I do not necessarily think it should come out of the school budget, when I am prime minister the school will be able to choose the uniform and parents will be asked for a contribution, I will set a maximum amount schools can charge and families on a low income will pay less with the school claiming the difference for their budget.

There will be a an outlay to get all the uniform in year 7 and an annual smaller fee.

If a child outgrows their uniform then they will be able to swap it at school for an item that fits.

This will eliminate all the, "the girls skirts are too short, their trousers are too tight" brigade because there will only be one syle.

Teaching, like medicine, is a wonderful profession with big responsibilities.
Sadly, as a result, some of these professionals think that makes them God: judgmental, omniscient, ...

Deluded teachers, we judge you. You're here to provide a service. We pay your wages, through taxes. And you're only human, just like the rest of us. Many of us are far more educated and/or life-experienced than your lot. Don't get too big for your shoes.

Being mindful of safeguarding red-flags is one thing. Discriminating based on superficial appearance is immoral, and in some cases straightforward illegal (e.g. because it overlaps with protected characteristic such as race, disability, religion/beliefs, sex, sexual orientation, etc.)
Keep hiding behind the "but judging is my job?!?" defense. Some of us will be watching, judging... and reporting YOU.

So watch your step. And have a nice day. Or not. I've heard Ofsted is catching up on its inspection backlog, and they're always eager to hear feedback from parents...

There’s a Chardonnay at dds school - delightful girl.

I have a dd with essentially Afro type hair it is hard to manage when they are small and doesn’t ever look “neat” like all the smug smooth hair girls that’s just not achievable.

@RobotValkyrie 👏

The Op must have met my grandsons. Long blond curls. Too pretty, charming, bright, amazing, clever and can be right little sods when together. In other words little boys.

@RobotValkyrie well said.