Teachers- be honest please - do you judge or make assumptions?

[BlingLoving]

And if so, how often are you right?

eg when the kid turns up on day one with crazy curls, no hair tie (especially boys) do you immediately think, like I do, "oh no, this family is going to be a bit precious."

Or if the kid's clothes are consistently stained etc, do you chalk that up to parents having limited cash and taking view that school uniform is to be worn (my approach) or do you think they're just careless?

What about the ones who struggle to spend the time doing homework with their DC? Do you think they're just bad parents or are you sympathetic?

@SBAM

Reading is the crux of everything ! Honestly , if I could give parents one piece of advice . Read for 5 mins a day ! A magazine / book/ recipient / shopping list !
I know children don’t want to - but get a sticker chart / reward chart !
I honestly can’t tell you how important it is to get children to read a little each day . This will help so much!! I am not saying it is easy but it is worth it!

@AWanderingMinstrel

As a mum of an autistic boy did not want to read and run. I’m also a teacher. Buy a plastic folder for each subject (TUFF on Amazon- very hard wearing). Then any loose sheets etc get out in the bag too, as well as textbook and exercise book. Then they only have to remember one thing per subject. Also at GCSE buy a copy of the textbook if you can (second hand ok too) so then one at home one in school locker so bag not so heavy going to school. Good luck

Thank you. This is another good idea. And plastic folders can also be colour coded....

I think as a teacher you’re constantly observing as a safeguarding thing really. So you notice things. I would notice if a child had a dirty jumper but if it was just some toothpaste or something I wouldn’t judge. I notice if a child’s clothes are too small and uncomfortable for them and then I will contact parents. I don’t really notice wild curls (possess them myself) but would notice matted hair. I notice how parents interact with their children. I notice who reads with their children. It helps so much but not everyone can do it every night. It’s just constant observing really and monitoring. If things are concerning or lots of little things are adding up then I would take the appropriate action.

@SBAM

*recipe

On the other hand, I suspect that for most teachers, seeing which homes have lots of books and which don't gives them useful information

Do they ask to visit every room in the house to hunt out books, or look at all devices?

@Longcovid21

Just wondering what teachers might think of a six year old boy with no socks? I have a battle with ds everyday when we try on 3 different pairs of socks and he pulls them off screaming. In the end I let him go in with no socks otherwise we would not get there on time. But what would a teacher make of a sockless child?

If you came to me and said " i can't get him to put socks on" i wouldn't worry. But if he just came to school with no socks....like i have had with kids before, i would note it and give them socks to put on.

I think the OP was going for the wannabe surf dude with tumbling curls- the kind who’s too cool for school (school work) and whose ott laissez-faire parents could but won’t cramp his bornfree attitude.

Thank you, 5million x better explanation than I have been doing. I tried to upload a picture of what I was talking about but it wouldn't let me!

@BlingLoving

Interesting. I guess it's different types of judgement, even in my OP, and in the answers... eg manners telling you something about a family where a judgement is just broadly negative vs dirty clothes telling you something else that is not so much judgement as figuring out how to support.

Like I said, I tend to immediately make assumptions about families where the children have copious long curls, never tied back. I just know they're going to be all tinkly laughs and "oh so liberal" while their kids are probably hooligans! . x 100 if it's the boys who have these curls. So far I've been right every time but I look forward to being wrong at some point.

This is hilarious and so true 😂

I find that boys from a certain background get treated like little princes so they aren’t the nicest to interact with. Rude, lack manners and think they are the centre of the universe. Almost as bad as the uber liberal parents who let their ‘hooligans’ run wild 😂

@BlingLoving and EVERBODY

seamless toe socks rock! and even better with non elastic tops.

Sadly on the hair judgment it cuts both ways when they get to teens. Dds at a girls school and every time a teacher is mentioned his or her hair is included in her overall description of them!

For example, he says Nigerian families are the best

Goodness, this type of statement makes me cringe. I get that the statement is complimentary but think about it if you said 'all English families are ...'

@chillylizard

The chances of that being correct all the time, as if determined by being English, is very, very unlikely. Saying 'most of the Nigerian families who have moved here seem to have a very strong work and education ethic' would be very different.

Can you see the difference ?

[quote godmum56]@BlingLoving and EVERBODY

seamless toe socks rock! and even better with non elastic tops.[/quote]
Oh yes. The ones from sockshop don't have elastic at top either. They're fantastic.

I can't help but judge if the child parrots something they have clearly heard at home that is really not OK - but I judge the parents, not the child. I consider it my job to firmly point out other ways of viewing a situation to undo the damage done by parents. So racist tropes, unkind comments, observations about someone having better clothes etc all get picked up on and examined - not to humiliate the child but to encourage a different way of looking at those questions. But do I judge the parents who have fostered those attitudes? Yes, absolutely.

DD has poker straight hair which I always tied back when she went to (primary) school and she always looked pristine going to school. DS had longish wavy hair and somehow always managed to look like he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards between me getting him ready, and actually leaving for school. Now he is at secondary school he has a short back and sides hairstyle which can still look a bit crazy at times.
Both work hard and teachers commented on their manners and how well behaved they were. DS got into trouble once for inappropriately using the word "poo" in some grammar work. (Of that's the worst that the teachers have had to put up with, then I'd say he's doing OK despite appearances...)

Not particularly kind for those teachers who can’t have children?

However I couldn't care less if your child's uniform is a bit shabby/needs mending/is too short. I would assume you are short of both time and money, a bit like me! Only if a child smells and the uniform is clearly never washed would I be concerned, but that would be a welfare worry as opposed to a judgement.

@Badhairday101

I don’t judge families on children’s appearance or their behaviour. I can’t believe any professional would judge a family based on the hair style of their child. I’m obviously aware of issues within families as the parents trust me and talk to me. I am very aware of markers that could suggest safeguarding issues. I’ve spent most of my teaching career working in areas that are classed as some of the most deprived in the country and I’ve learned that 99.9% of parents are just doing their best with the resources and tools they have at the time.

I think this makes a massive difference. I teach in a deprived school (in the main) and the idea that I would judge any of the kids I teach based on their home lives or something as trivial as uniform is just abhorrent to me.

I reiterate, I have no comments to make on messy hair as that really would be a case of the pot calling the kettle black! Messy, difficult to manage hair is not the same as some kid with surfer style curls who thinks he's better than everyone else.

But then, DH watches a fair bit of rugby and I spend a lot of time exclaiming, "but how can he SEE the ball with all that hair in his face!?"

Things I judge parents on:
Neglect (emotional or physical)
How the parents treat others
How their kids treat others
Undermining attempts to set boundaries or consequences
Undermining their kids’ interests and enthusiasm
Making excuses

Things I don’t judge parents for:
Finding it hard sometimes
Hairstyles
Poverty
Names
Parents’ lack of opportunities or education

Basically, if your kid is obnoxious then I judge you. Otherwise not at all and definitely not for hairstyles.

@Biscuitsneeded

I can't help but judge if the child parrots something they have clearly heard at home that is really not OK - but I judge the parents, not the child. I consider it my job to firmly point out other ways of viewing a situation to undo the damage done by parents. So racist tropes, unkind comments, observations about someone having better clothes etc all get picked up on and examined - not to humiliate the child but to encourage a different way of looking at those questions. But do I judge the parents who have fostered those attitudes? Yes, absolutely.

The child could have heard it anywhere, not necessarily their parents!!

@BlingLoving

I think the OP was going for the wannabe surf dude with tumbling curls- the kind who’s too cool for school (school work) and whose ott laissez-faire parents could but won’t cramp his bornfree attitude.

Thank you, 5million x better explanation than I have been doing. I tried to upload a picture of what I was talking about but it wouldn't let me!

But even still, so what? These kids bring a different experience to a classroom, it should be encouraged. I can’t think of anything worse than teaching a room of identikit, obediently neat robots. It’s creepy.

I judge my kids teachers, for example the maths teacher seems to think I help with homework, why he thinks that I dont know its all online not hand written, I dont know diddly squat about maths its all greek to me.

I think it's insulting that he cant give my son his dues.

What about parents judging other parents?!! I’ll admit to doing this. I had the chance once or twice to be a parent helper on a trip. I saw what some parents had sent their DC with for lunch. The school letter made it clear what was and wasn’t allowed so I most definitely judged the parent(s) who sent a 7 year old with a 500 ml bottle of coke and several chocolate bars which then caused problems for the teachers as other kids started complaining that their parents wouldn’t let them have that and the child concerned started laughing. The lead teacher confiscated what hadn’t been eaten already.
And I also judged the parents of a child who said her friend was probably off school because she fancied a day off. Clearly that to her was normal.

My cousins teach primary age and my Gran did for over 30 years too. They don’t judge children ever but they do judge parents. Not for things like the kids turning up dirty etc but for things like never attending parents evenings, never signing planners, never doing homework etc. Those kids struggle to progress because their parents don’t give a fuck and it saddens my cousins to no end. Nothing new either, my Grandma said some parents were like this when she taught too even if the Mum was a SAHM so had the time.

@VelvetChairGirl

I judge my kids teachers, for example the maths teacher seems to think I help with homework, why he thinks that I dont know its all online not hand written, I dont know diddly squat about maths its all greek to me.

I think it's insulting that he cant give my son his dues.

Ah yes this happened to me when DS started making dramatic improvements. Apparently I'd been coaching him. This was repeated over and over in a sort of mixture of sympathy and fake gratitude....except I genuinely hadn't coached him!!