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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:
Original poster
Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:23

And we are now still waiting for him to get out the shower so we can head off to the pub (which we will pay for no doubt) whilst the kids get more ratty as they are hungry..

OP posts:
DeliaDinglehopper · 03/04/2022 12:25

Did you not say what time he was welcome to stay until? Is he just supposed to guess?

MrsWooster · 03/04/2022 12:26

I’d send him a text saying “off to the pub, kids need feeding-join us when you’re out”. Once there , and finished eating, say how lovely it’s been and how it’s a shame Sundays have to effectively finish after lunch so you can all get ready for the week…

SamphiretheStickerist · 03/04/2022 12:26

Have you never mentioned it to him directly?

WhatNoRaisins · 03/04/2022 12:26

I don't think there's a universally acceptable time, you need to communicate what works for you.

PineappleRingo · 03/04/2022 12:27

Why wouldn’t you just say you have plans Sunday so he’d need to leave by x time?
I think yabu for expecting his to know what you what when you haven’t said

PineappleRingo · 03/04/2022 12:28

Also next time he’s drinking just say you’ve run out? Don’t keep pouring whilst being annoyed inside Hmm

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 03/04/2022 12:29

Why are you paying for him if you resent it?

rugbunch · 03/04/2022 12:30

Life would be much easier if you stopped thinking everyone thinks the same as you &/or that they are mind-readers!

MichelleScarn · 03/04/2022 12:30

And have you offered x2 fry ups? Don't offer if you don't want to make them.

'Cereals in cupboard, help yourself'

BuanoKubiamVej · 03/04/2022 12:34

When we have friends staying for the weekend I generally feel rather short-changed when they bog off at 14:00 on Sunday. I would far rather they stayed till at least 17:00 so that we get a full day with them. Perfectly happy if they are able to stay another hour or two on top of that. Who wants to spoil half the weekend by starting getting ready for Monday when there's still most of a rest day still to be had?

Original poster
Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:34

Of course, but it feels a little lacking in any consideration. Isn’t it better to think what might be good for other people too as opposed to expecting them to say ‘you can come but only for x time’. Wouldn’t you use common sense?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 03/04/2022 12:36

Stop facilitating.
Text “we’re going out now. Lovely to see you, let yourself out”

rugbunch · 03/04/2022 12:37

Wouldn’t you use common sense?

I have young dc, I don't need half a day to get organised for the week ahead. That's the trouble with assuming everyone thinks the same v

WhatNoRaisins · 03/04/2022 12:38

He doesn't have your lifestyle or priorities. You're expecting too much mind reading.

And yeah, don't offer fry ups if you resent doing them. Make an excuse about needing to be somewhere at 4pm and communicate.

CaptainHammer · 03/04/2022 12:38

You’ve known him a long time and close enough to have him stay so just talk to him and tell him to leave!!

gannett · 03/04/2022 12:38

Er you arrange the time he should leave beforehand. There's no set time. When I've stayed with friends at the weekend it's ranged from up and out in the morning because one or both of us have other Sunday plans, to a leisurely roast lunch and making my way home in the evening.

Only offer what you're comfortable with! If you don't want to make two full Englishes just point him towards the cereal on the second day and that'll be fine!

Original poster
Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:38

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’

OP posts:
StrawberrySquash · 03/04/2022 12:39

I think it's one of those wildly differing expectations. Last time I stayed with friends I was going to head off in the afternoon but they persuaded me to stay to Sunday dinner so I left about 8.30. Yes, it was their idea!

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/04/2022 12:39

If I was having a good time, and my hosts also seemed to be having a good time, I’d wait for them to indicate that they wanted me to leave.

Neither of you has given the other any indication of what an acceptable leaving time is. His is obviously later today. Yours is obviously sooner. Next time, tell people.

liliainterfrutices · 03/04/2022 12:41

I would be fine with someone staying till after 6, if I liked them. I don’t think he’s done anything wrong really.

OverByYer · 03/04/2022 12:41

Didn't you have these conversations before he go here?
And why cook elaborate breakfasts if you don't want to? Did he specify he wants them each day?
Stop being a martyr and tell him what your expectations are.
As a single childless person he will have no idea what your weekends normally look like.

liliainterfrutices · 03/04/2022 12:42

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
That is a bit pushy.
ThreeWiseWomen · 03/04/2022 12:43

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
To which you reply, sorry that is not an option, soooooooo we have....
Hawkins001 · 03/04/2022 12:43

It depends on the host, but usually better if the host sets the time, as not everyone has the same perspectives