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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 03/04/2022 13:15

he is having a very nice weekend holiday, all expenses paid.
i am expecting he will try to arrange another one soon.

ExplodingElephants · 03/04/2022 13:16

I’d say an acceptable time is around 10am, after breakfast. We had a friend who used to do this and it was exhausting. Thankfully he now has a fiancé who keeps him in check and our meet ups are now evenings are each other’s homes as a foursome. So much more enjoyable!

TheArtfulBlogger · 03/04/2022 13:18

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
more fool you then for not saying something then.

You know what he is like, your OP has told us. He hasn't hidden the kind of sponger he is.

Why are you still supporting/allowing/encouraging him in being like this by not saying something Hmm?

MichaelAndEagle · 03/04/2022 13:19

If I had a friend for the weekend I'd have cleared my plans for all of Sunday too. So I'd be a bit disappointed if they left after breakfast!
Different people have different ideas, you just need to talk about it.

And as for 'fry up please!' I'd have laughed! 'Just help yourself to whatever you fancy for breakfast'.

grapewines · 03/04/2022 13:20

But you cooked the fry up. Why didn't you say no? Nothing will change if you facilitate stuff like this.

unim · 03/04/2022 13:20

Gosh, your poor guest.

If you want him gone sooner, you need to communicate when he is invited for! If you don't want to offer him a fry up, just offer him what you prefer to make!

If I was inviting somebody for the weeked I'd assume they were staying for the Sunday too. If it wasn't convenient for me, I'd let them know the expected length of stay (eg is it alright for you to head off by 12 on Sunday? I'll need to do X in the afternoon).

WaterBottle123 · 03/04/2022 13:21

After lunch on a Sunday, at a push is the right leaving time...

dontyoubother · 03/04/2022 13:21

"Listen, we've loved having you, it's been great catching up. We'll need things back to normal for the kids by 3 this afternoon so we can get back into their routine, hope that's ok, thanks for understanding". Done.

unim · 03/04/2022 13:22

@bluebell34567

he is having a very nice weekend holiday, all expenses paid. i am expecting he will try to arrange another one soon.
Isn't this just what friends do when they invite each other to stay for the weekend?! People can always stop inviting their friends round for the weekend if it's become a nuisance to have them round.
dontyoubother · 03/04/2022 13:22

The fry up thing, just say "ah sorry, I'm not making one today but we've got toast and cereal so let me know which you fancy". You need to be more assertive here.

Evasmissingletter · 03/04/2022 13:24

If guests come Friday night I like them to go after brunch on Sunday. Means we have time for kids to do homework, me tidying/washing, prep for school on Monday and hopefully sone down time for me as well.

PoshPyjamas · 03/04/2022 13:24

Why would you be paying for him at the pub? That’s not etiquette is it?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 03/04/2022 13:25

get your ironing board out

bluebell34567 · 03/04/2022 13:26

unim, not with paying for everything and not as the host like a B&B owner.

PlainJaneEyre · 03/04/2022 13:26

@Dingalingdong

Of course, but it feels a little lacking in any consideration. Isn’t it better to think what might be good for other people too as opposed to expecting them to say ‘you can come but only for x time’. Wouldn’t you use common sense?
Yes but the common sense of a family Mum is different from that of a single man.
TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/04/2022 13:28

If I have someone visiting for the weekend I would expect them to stay all of Sunday unless they have said otherwise. 6pm sounds perfectly normal.

bluebell34567 · 03/04/2022 13:29

also, he should be considerate.
op has children and have to get ready for the next week.
after his fry up he should bugger off.

Keladrythesaviour · 03/04/2022 13:29

I hate it when guests leave early on the Sunday! I always chat about it in advance though - do you fancy staying for lunch on Sunday or have you got to get off etc. Most of our friends have dogs they bring so we usually do a walk and a later lunch and they head off 5ish which is great.
For breakfast I'd do a cooked breakfast one morning (if that's what people like) and then say during breakfast "I'll put out some croissants and toast etc for tomorrow" just make it part of normal conversation so people know what to expect, or bring it up in the evening as people go to bed I'd say "I'll leave tea and coffee stuff out with croissants etc so if you're up before us just help yourself".
I'd also never be annoyed about a guest drinking our booze, that's what it's there for!
Another one in the YABU camp, you need to communicate better, not martyr yourself and then resent them for it.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 03/04/2022 13:31

@Dingalingdong I do hope you've left your cash and cards at home. The very least your cheeky fucker guest can do to thank you is treat you all to lunch.

unim · 03/04/2022 13:32

@bluebell34567

unim, not with paying for everything and not as the host like a B&B owner.
I know what you mean, but I think the OP just needs to actually communicate it, eg "let's split the bill", "ok, here's the cornflakes", "would you mind leaving in the morning? I need to get ready for the week"... :-)

I guess we are all different but I wouldn't invite friends to stay for the weekend if I wasn't happy to host them in terms of giving them somewhere to sleep, giving my time to socialise with them, and making food for us all to eat.

If I am stretched for money and can't do it, I wouldn't invite them, or at least probably would say I'd rather we ate at home rather than going to the pub.

SweetSakura · 03/04/2022 13:32

Just offer cereal or toast for breakfast if you don't want to do a fry up. Offer lunch at home if you don't want to pay for pub..and set a time limit for the Sunday when agreeing the weekend. You can't just passively go along with everything while silently seething

unim · 03/04/2022 13:33

@bluebell34567

also, he should be considerate. op has children and have to get ready for the next week. after his fry up he should bugger off.
It probably hasn't occurred to him - OP just needs to tell him!

Single people don't necessarily understand that this is something that people with kids sometimes want to do.

RampantIvy · 03/04/2022 13:33

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’

Whereas I wouldn’t have asked what my guest would have wanted for breakfast but told them that we had cereal or toast. We don’t even keep fry up food in the house.

This thread is a classic mumsnet thread about being unable to communicate properly or being assertive enough to say no to unreasonable demands.

And why does he expect you to pay for his Sunday lunch? I would never expect people I was staying with to do that.

ivykaty44 · 03/04/2022 13:33

BuanoKubiamVej I’ll come and stay 😊👍🏻 I like using the entire day away, it also means the rds are not as busy by the time I leave.

I’ve made the mistake of leaving at 3pm and getting back at 8pm, opposed to leaving at 6 and getting back at 8:30 for the same mileage but not stuck in congestion

Clymene · 03/04/2022 13:34

He's a freeloader. Of course he's going to milk your hospitality for all it's worth. The only surprising thing is you expecting him to consider your needs.

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