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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:
LegMeChicken · 03/04/2022 14:05

Also all of this would never happen with me anyway because I’m very clear about expectations. We’re a multicultural household and if we all played mind games everyone would be permanently offended.

kickupafuss · 03/04/2022 14:08

If I was invited to stay for a weekend, I would leave at around 6 unless told otherwise. How on earth do you expect him to know? You sound like you don't like him much so I don't know why you invited him.

cherryonthecakes · 03/04/2022 14:11

Yabvu

Single people need to explicitly told that when you have kids you want to be out by say 11am. He naturally wouldn't have a clue why a shower at 12:30 is a problem.

You're also assuming that a single man would know that bedtime routine takes time. You don't say how young the kids are but he wouldn't know that bedtime at 7:30 might mean dinner at 6, bath at 6:30, stories at 7 or that you might want the kids to have an hour or two to do stuff for tomorrow like read their school book

I don't think that there's a universal accepted time for leaving. Certainly by the time the kids are asleep but people have different routines.

Yabvu not to tell him when he's being cheeky. He needs to buy the odd round and he needs to given toast or cereal on one morning. If he wants a fry up he can buy the ingredients, cook and wash up. He's close enough to stay round yours but not close enough to ask where your return invitation to his or that you can't afford constant alcohol etc. if he's your friend, he'll start behaving the way that you'd expect as a guest.

Limer · 03/04/2022 14:12

I'm amazed that hosts don't tell their guests exactly what the arrangements for the weekend will be. Can't blame the guest for outstaying his welcome if he's not been told! And you can't blame him for asking for a fry up. You could have said no.

Try using a variation on this script for next time:

"Would you like to come for the weekend?"
"Yes please"
"Great, aim to arrive by 7pm on Friday, I'll cook blah-blah-blah, on Saturday we'll blah-blah-blah, then we'll go out to the pub for Sunday lunch before you go back home. I'll get some croissants/hot cross buns/pastries for easy breakfasts."

thebabynanny · 03/04/2022 14:14

If I had someone stay for the weekend, I;d expect them to leave about 6 on the Sunday.

"Sunday lunch" is usually 1.30/2pm ime, so if you needed to be at the pub earlier you should say so.

Silverclocks · 03/04/2022 14:15

I've got kids and I've never needed all of Sunday afternoon and evening to get ready for the week ahead Grin

I like to make the most of every last bit of the weekend, so if I'm spending it with friends, right up until Sunday eve seems reasonable to me.

However, I really don't see how people end up in situations where they have "friends" they can't talk to.

"Fry up please"
" Sorry I hadn't planned for that, we have....or there's a cafe round the corner if you fancy treating us all Grin"

"Come on Jim, it must be your round next"

"It's lovely to have you, but I really need you to be gone by 2pm, I'll do an early lunch"

DigsDilemma · 03/04/2022 14:15

I agree with OP. Everyone is ready for a break by Sunday lunch. And probably best to bog off before unless you're paying for lunch out or you've been explicitly invited to stay for lunch before leaving

RobotValkyrie · 03/04/2022 14:18

Guest sounds very rude, entitled, and disorganised. A decent guest would have offered to cook one of the two fry ups, invited OP and her kids for Sunday lunch at the pub, and discussed with OP a planned schedule for the weekend, or at the very least intended arrival and departure time.

OP sounds like a doormat with zero communication skills and poor choices of friends. You can do better, OP. You deserve better guests, and you owe it to yourself to stand up to rubbish guests.

comealongponds · 03/04/2022 14:19

YABU

You or DP presumably like this friend if you’re having him to stay? So you just need to have a conversation like a grown up. Nobody is forcing you to provide fry ups, roasts and meals out. He doesn’t have kids so you can’t expect him to know what your sunday evenings preparing for the week look like, and it’s not a universal thing anyway.

Momijin · 03/04/2022 14:19

Well I like my friends so I like it when they stay longer. But they also don't take the piss and help out. They bring stuff and if we eat out they pay their way..

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/04/2022 14:23

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
Ah a simple mistake...

Don't ask what do you want?

You say.
For breakfast we have cereals /toast and yoghurt which would you like?
😁

If he still says fry up... Say that you're no longer eating them for health reasons

WhatNoRaisins · 03/04/2022 14:28

I just wonder what the limit would be. What if he'd answered the breakfast question with "lobster and caviar and then I'd like to shag your husband"?

CSIblonde · 03/04/2022 14:28

Always spell your expectations & schedule out in advance. I found this out to my cost when I spent an afternoon with a new friend & she was deeply offended I didn't make a day & night of it. My understanding was it was a couple of hours shopping & a coffee with some nice cake .

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/04/2022 14:29

@WingingIt101

I’m with you OP - I think it’s really rude to stay beyond mid morning unless expressly invited for lunch or later.

I have a friend who is lovely in all other ways but this has always been a sticking point. She would come and then it would be later and later until it was just awkward. Eventually I found my voice and now when we make plans I say “how about you come anytime after 5 on Friday so I’m in from work (heads up I’ll be doing bath and bed time between 6 and 7!) then we can do xyz on Saturday, takeaway and bottle of wine on Saturday night and breakfast at the little cafe in town before going our separate ways Sunday?” If she ever seems to be making noise about staying later than works for me I just say something like “I know, such a shame we can’t; the week just goes to pot if I haven’t managed to get ahead of it on a Sunday!

This is fine, when it's explicit...

But when I invite friends for weekend I'd EXPECT them to stay until late Sunday afternoon /evening - depending on their onward travel time...
I'd expect similar when staying... What you're proposing is
'spending Friday Saturday night with us...'

Marvellousmadness · 03/04/2022 14:30

You do realise that this is a YOU problem right?
Because you are going to pay for his meal even if you dont want to. And you don't tell the man to not come over so late . And you don't speak up when you want him out of your shower ETC ETC ETC

next time
...Just dont invite him to stay with you. Problem solved

RandomNumb3rs · 03/04/2022 14:36

If I had been invited for the weekend it would feel really rude to leave half way through Sunday.

I would assume about 6pm departure unless told otherwise.

bluebell34567 · 03/04/2022 14:38

unim yeah i agree, sometimes single people dont understand people with children.
you are thoughtful i like that.

Derbee · 03/04/2022 14:39

@DeliaDinglehopper

Did you not say what time he was welcome to stay until? Is he just supposed to guess?
You tell your guests what time they have to leave after a weekend visit?
Libertybear80 · 03/04/2022 14:40

I'm not sure why people keep these kinds of friendships. He's a cheeky f***

tulips27 · 03/04/2022 14:40

YABU, the attitude is really unwelcoming and unfriendly. Complaining about making a cooked breakfast, which is actually not difficult it's just frying a few things and putting it on a plate. The way you list the meals it's as though you expected him to have gruel as a guest and the resentment shines through. Don't invite people to stay if you resent them so much.

Whatalovelydaffodil · 03/04/2022 14:45

@Dingalingdong

Of course, but it feels a little lacking in any consideration. Isn’t it better to think what might be good for other people too as opposed to expecting them to say ‘you can come but only for x time’. Wouldn’t you use common sense?
When you haven't got small children your" common sense" isn't the same as when you do!
HesterShaw1 · 03/04/2022 14:45

If you asked him for "the weekend" maybe he took it to mean "the weekend"?

SevenWaystoLeave · 03/04/2022 14:52

As a guest I would be offering to help with cooking, and pay for myself on meals out, and if I could afford it I would pay for a meal for the family as a thank you. But I'd have no idea on whatever secret rules you have about when to leave (or why it takes you the whole Sunday to prepare for the week ahead). In fact last time I stayed with dear old friends, I was planning to head off Sunday mid-morning but was begged by the family to stay longer and join them for a walk and lunch. So yes yabu, if you needed him to leave at a certain time you should have set expectations in advance.

starfishmummy · 03/04/2022 14:54

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
And you could have just said "sorry, it's cornflakes and toast".

As for leaving, I'd anticipate a weekend guest having Sunday dinner with us, which we eat around 6. However we would have had a discussion about when they plan to leave in plenty of time. Wouldn't leave it until Sunday to plan.

RedskyThisNight · 03/04/2022 14:56

@bluebell34567

unim yeah i agree, sometimes single people dont understand people with children. you are thoughtful i like that.
People with children are not all homogenous.

When I had small children I loved having other adults round the house as much as possible. Even if they don't help at least they provide adult conversation.

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