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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:
Burnamer · 03/04/2022 12:43

But you could have said “oh no we’re doing that tomorrow. Do you want cereal or toast?”
I’m big on manners but you do sound as if you need to be more assertive.

WhatNoRaisins · 03/04/2022 12:43

You don't need to be open ended as that, just tell them where the bread and cereal is for example. Do you feel taken advantage by other people in general?

nldnmum02 · 03/04/2022 12:43

People without kids can be totally oblivious. You will just have to spell it out to him.
Also if he’s coming to stay with you he should be paying for a meal out for you all not you footing every bill. It’s what I’d do.

OutlookStalking · 03/04/2022 12:44

Im sometimes sad when had a friend to stay and they want to leave early Sunday - its nice to have lunch and a walk and come back to the house rather than feel like clockwatching when its a short visit.

I think the problem is you're assuming that what's "obvious" to you is the same for others and it really isn't.

If I've mentally prepared for a weekend of fun its a shame when the other person has different expectations.

As for lunch everyone's view of that is different - it would be on you to say you need to be out by X time because of the kids. People without kids are far more flexible. Just give them some breadsticks or something for now?

Oysterbabe · 03/04/2022 12:44

I think after lunch on a Sunday is a good time to leave.

OutlookStalking · 03/04/2022 12:44

I actually don't think I would go out to eat an early lunch after a "full english!". That would be brunchish here and the day would drag a bit.

mycatisannoying · 03/04/2022 12:45

Your resentment and inability to communicate doesn't place the blame solely with him.

loveliesbleeding1 · 03/04/2022 12:45

Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’

This is the exact time when you say “sorry,I don’t cook breakfast at the weekends”

Oblomov22 · 03/04/2022 12:45

Why are you so spineless you can't say anything?

Tiredalwaystired · 03/04/2022 12:45

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
And you say “not today. It’s cereal or toast”
balalake · 03/04/2022 12:48

I don't think 6pm is last minute on a Sunday. I think the problem is the man concerned. Perhaps get him to make visits just for the day in future?

Houseplantmad · 03/04/2022 12:48

We've just left our friends after a lovely brunch. When we arranged the weekend they said they had plans later so we knew what time we would leave. We have plans too but even if we didn't we would all have discussed whether we'd leave after brunch, after lunch or after tea and cake in the afternoon.

Just talk to him.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 03/04/2022 12:49

There is a universally acceptable time and it is after a leisurely breakfast. And no later.

notanothertakeaway · 03/04/2022 12:50

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
"That would be lovely, but we don't have that food in at the moment. I can offer cereal or toast"
MichaelAndEagle · 03/04/2022 12:51

@rugbunch

Life would be much easier if you stopped thinking everyone thinks the same as you &/or that they are mind-readers!
Yes to this!
toastofthetown · 03/04/2022 12:51

Have you been clear that you are unhappy with the time he arrived and the time he’s leaving? Personally I prefer to leave mid-morning after a stay, but a friend of mine prefers to leave in the evening to maximise the day together. Neither of us is wrong, but if she saying and I have afternoon or evening plans I’d let her know rather than expecting her to read my mind. Does your friend know that you are resenting the breakfasts and pub trips and alcohol or is he just accepting offers that you are (seemingly) willingly making? If I accepted an offer breakfast at a friend’s house I wouldn’t expect them to add it to a list of things they feel I am impolite over. If you have a problem with someone else your choices are to put up with it or let them know.

Justmuddlingalong · 03/04/2022 12:51

I'd be making plans with him for when he hosts you, while you're having lunch. If he doesn't bite, put him off next time he invites himself to yours.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 03/04/2022 12:51

Don’t go for the lunch unless you e established whose paying. I’d have no problem saying I can’t afford to pay for another meal.

MichaelAndEagle · 03/04/2022 12:52

@HavfrueDenizKisi

There is a universally acceptable time and it is after a leisurely breakfast. And no later.
Well its not universal because if I have friends for the weekend they are welcome to stay until mid afternoon or even later!

Sunday lunch and a nice walk, then off they pop.

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/04/2022 12:52

Some people are nice but tight and dense

You need to be assertive - cooking a cooked breakfast for someone when you didn’t plan it is utterly batshit.

If the pub lunch is at 1, leave snd tell him to catch you up.

If you want him gone after lunch, and you didn’t tell him that was the deal originally, develop a migraine over lunch, and say - I’m going to have to go to bed for a couple hours, so dp will have to sort the house and kids alone, so we’re going to have to kick you out early - but lovely to see you and we’ll be in touch to arrange the next one

Hawkins001 · 03/04/2022 12:54

@HavfrueDenizKisi

There is a universally acceptable time and it is after a leisurely breakfast. And no later.
Not always, my preference has been either late Sunday evening or even early Monday morning.
ThePoetsWife · 03/04/2022 12:54

You need stop being such a doormat.

You're a grown up and surely you can use your words to tell him that he can't have a fry up, need to get out of shower, be quick and that Sunday morning is when you expect him to leave.

kulfi · 03/04/2022 12:54

Who actually is he?

DappledThings · 03/04/2022 12:56

All of this is down to a mixture of you assuming everyone thinks like you and being really wet.

I have young DC and no expectation that a guest will leave just after lunch. 6pm is fine. And if I needed them our earlier I would have said so. And I wouldn't ask an open-ended question about breakfast, I would list what options there were. Usually would offer bacon and eggs or something on one morning but not both.

DappledThings · 03/04/2022 12:56

@HavfrueDenizKisi

There is a universally acceptable time and it is after a leisurely breakfast. And no later.
Bollocks!