Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 10 11 12

Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 05/04/2022 17:44

@Ifeelsuchafool

Weekend visiting is usually Friday to Monday and I certainly wouldn't be expecting guests to leave before dinner on Sunday unless arranged at the time of the invitation. E. G. "Please come and stay for the weekend of XXX" "I/We would love to but annoyingly need to xxxx very early on Monday, would you mind very much if we said goodbye after Sunday lunch?"

Not for people with jobs, it isn’t.

Boood · 05/04/2022 18:05

I wouldn’t want to either be or host a guest from Friday night to Monday morning- you need a break and some alone/downtime in between two working weeks, and that to me would be Sunday evening including dinner. So if I was hosting I’d want guests gone by late afternoon Sunday at the latest, and if I was the guest I’d want to be home by then.

I think the onus is on the guest to say either “I need to leave x time, does that work for you?” or “what time do you want rid of me on Sunday?” as it’s far less awkward for them to say that than for the host to have to ask someone to leave, however nicely.

maddy68 · 05/04/2022 18:10

I would assume that my friend is here for the weekend and we provide food and booze ....

MadMadaMim · 05/04/2022 19:01

If you have a time you'd like him gone by, you need to communicate that - he's not a mind reader.

Same with breakfast - if you didn't want to cook, you could have told him what's on offer so he could choose.

Why did you invite him when all you seem to have done is moan about everything? 2 sentences in and you're talking about said friend in a negative way.

If I were him I'd be horrified reading this.

Octomore · 05/04/2022 20:18

Weekend visiting is usually Friday to Monday

Not for those of us who work full time for a living!

Friday evening/Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon (relatively early in the afternoon) is the norm in my world.

Mothership4two · 05/04/2022 21:45

Discuss when you expect him to leave before the actual weekend in a friendly but clear way. As you have kids it is perfectly reasonable to ask him to leave presupper. Don't ask what he wants for breakfast (or any meal), just provide what you are prepared to serve up. He sounds pretty unaware

Stath · 05/04/2022 21:56

@MichaelAndEagle sorry to go off topic but I’m very happy to see your username

okayigetit · 05/04/2022 22:05

For me, I like to be home by around 4pm on a Sunday if I'm just gonna be chilling at someone's house. When my friends come to stay they usually suggest what train they want to get and then ask if that works for me

WomanStanleyWoman · 05/04/2022 22:10

@Octomore

Weekend visiting is usually Friday to Monday

Not for those of us who work full time for a living!

Friday evening/Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon (relatively early in the afternoon) is the norm in my world.

I think all this post proves is that there IS no ‘norm’. Hence why it’s always best to establish these things in advance.

okayigetit · 05/04/2022 22:12

@Ghostsofhumor

I agree if I'd invited someone for the weekend I'd be annoyed if they left before 3 ish on a Sunday.

Id expect to have Saturday and most of Sunday with them.

I think this depends on how far away they live I guess

Gwenhwyfar · 05/04/2022 22:33

"I think the onus is on the guest to say either “I need to leave x time, does that work for you?” or “what time do you want rid of me on Sunday?” as it’s far less awkward for them to say that than for the host to have to ask someone to leave, however nicely."

As I've said, the guest is not telepathic and doesn't know the host has an expiry time so the onus is actually on the host to say they have an end time eg 'can I come over for the weekend?' 'yes, until Sunday x time is OK'. The guest cannot be expected to guess that there is a certain time to leave.

coodawoodashooda · 05/04/2022 22:37

@PineappleRingo

Also next time he’s drinking just say you’ve run out? Don’t keep pouring whilst being annoyed inside

I agree.

Tamrastarr · 06/04/2022 17:27

So you had all the ingredients for two lost of full English breakfast, but had no intention of cooking it? Odd

AWOL66 · 10/04/2022 16:41

Look on my posts - I wrote one yesterday about how I felt the need to people please. I get how you can enjoy looking after others but can start to resent it if it doesn't feel appreciated or recipricated (so you feel taken advantage of). I think this is what's happened here and now you're tired and frustrated just wanting time to yourself. I don't think he necessarily knows you would need the evening but I think it's more about the bigger picture and you feeling he doesn't care enough in general. I'd look at People Pleasing posts on Youtube and work on getting it so you feel less obligated to do quite so much if it doesn't feel natural and how to get it so you can naturally kind of work things more how you would like them. With this as an example if it wasn't for this anxiety/people pleasing cloud hanging over you, you could have said the day before 'I'm thinking maybe if we go to this really nice park for a walk with the children in the morning, and I could drop you off at the station on the way back as I have a few things I must do later on'. This way you're looking kind for dropping him off, being sociable but got what you need too-that kind of thing. Once you start doing this it becomes more fun!

Heartbroken2007 · 10/04/2022 17:10

If he's a good friend why didn't you just have this conversation in advance?

It doesn't have to be forced - I regularly have friends come and stay (I live in a flat in London with a spare room, and quite a few friends have moved further afield mid-pandemic and stay here when they need to be in London mid-week). There's no fuss, they know I'll sort clean bedding and towels but also where the toaster/kettle is in the morning and if I need to be out by 7.30am, so do they so I can lock up.

Lots of people don't spend a quarter of the weekend getting ready for the week - I grew up like this and it was miserable frankly, we only ever had one day off because Sunday was always chores all day (often highly unnecessary ones created by my mother). She would make work like us all reorganising the kitchen cupboards once a month and then complain about it.

If you wanted him gone after lunch why didn't you just let him know? Now you're miserable, your kids have probably picked up on it and he feels awkward and unwelcome.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 10 11 12

Swipe left for the next trending thread