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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:
liliainterfrutices · 03/04/2022 12:56

@HavfrueDenizKisi

There is a universally acceptable time and it is after a leisurely breakfast. And no later.
This thread proves that it isn’t at all universally acceptable. I’d feel a bit deflated if my best friend left so early. I’d be bloody deloghted if some others did though.
MichaelAndEagle · 03/04/2022 12:57

I would just ask what time they're thinking of hitting the road.
If I need to start getting shit done for the week I'd start doing it, sticking some washing in, popping to shops etc.

billy1966 · 03/04/2022 12:57

No one needs friends like that in their lives, particularly with young children.

You must be happy to be used, because people simply wouldn't allow this to rise.

You are being used by a tight man.

We teach people how to treat us OP.

Do you work FT?

Today should be family time, not spent in a pub with young children who don't want to be there.

Head off with your children and tell him let himself out as he heads off.

MurmuratingStarling · 03/04/2022 12:58

YABVU. Why even ask him? Confused You sound like you don't even like him!

yellowsuninthesky · 03/04/2022 12:58

@Dingalingdong

Of course, but it feels a little lacking in any consideration. Isn’t it better to think what might be good for other people too as opposed to expecting them to say ‘you can come but only for x time’. Wouldn’t you use common sense?
Common sense varies though doesn't it?

And anyway, most people only need an hour or so to get themselves ready for work for the week - at most. Unless you have batch cooking/a whole week of lunches to prep, which I know some people do. But then I would have done it before he arrived on Friday.

As for the fry up, anyone expecting that in our house would be in for a big disappointment - cereal or toast and jam! At a push, cheese!

rugbunch · 03/04/2022 13:00

Just talk to him.

😱 What is this concept you speak of?!

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/04/2022 13:00

Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls“

Again, you’re facilitating 🤯

“Here’s your toast, help yourself to butter/marmalade. There’s coffee in the pot”

Silverclocks · 03/04/2022 13:01

U don't understand how you can have friends close enough to invite them to stay in your home and not have these conversations.

If I was invited for "the weekend" I'd probably think that meant for the weekend, which doesn't end until Sunday evening. When we used to stay with my Gran, she'd be offended if you left before teatime on a Sunday.

However, I'd also expect to have a conversation about what that looks like in practice, what we were planning and who was going to cover what.

Ghostsofhumor · 03/04/2022 13:02

I agree if I'd invited someone for the weekend I'd be annoyed if they left before 3 ish on a Sunday.

Id expect to have Saturday and most of Sunday with them.

Svara · 03/04/2022 13:04

@HavfrueDenizKisi

There is a universally acceptable time and it is after a leisurely breakfast. And no later.
That's not universal at all. With my extended family arrangements are often something like 9am breakfast, 1pm lunch out, leave mid afternoon, or 10/11am brunch, 5pm dinner in the slow cooker, leave in the evening.
iklboo · 03/04/2022 13:04

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’

You - oh, lovely thank you. Off you crack then.

Bythepath · 03/04/2022 13:05

My friend and I had a conversation about exactly this the other day. She says she always likes people to get up and go after a quick breakfast on Sunday. I am of the opinion that (even with 3 children) weekends should last as long as possible and love any visiting friends and family to stay as long into sunday as they want. But I always talk to people visiting/me staying with about this as everyone is different.

girlmom21 · 03/04/2022 13:05

Why do people put up with such awful 'friends'?

riotlady · 03/04/2022 13:06

I would chat with them about it? There’s nothing innately wrong with leaving at 6

PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2022 13:06

Bit strange to not mention it at all with him, for all you know he might be planning to leave at a perfectly reasonable hour and you’re worrying about nothing. Grin

How did friend travel to you? If he’s in a car, the fact that he’s probably going to have a skin full in the pub might give you some clues. If he’s on the train, ask him what time he has to get to station. It’s not rocket science.

DuvetHugger · 03/04/2022 13:06

There's a lot of information missing.

Wad the arrangement to stay for the weekend or did he overstay the arranged one night?

Does he live locally or did you arrange for him to travel down and stay a few days?

Tbh I probably wouldn't want to leave if I was getting waited on hand and foot!

MrsWinters · 03/04/2022 13:08

If you’ve invited him for ‘the weekend’ he will assume it is for the whole weekend. If you want him until lunch or Sunday, then why not issue the invitation to say come and stay with us and we’ll wrap up with lunch or Sunday. It’s not hard.
And if you don’t want to do a cooked breakfast, don’t offer it….

Blimecory · 03/04/2022 13:09

If someone is coming for the weekend, I’d expect them to turn up on Friday evening and leave on Sunday evening.

LBFseBrom · 03/04/2022 13:09

I would have thought leaving after 6pm was reasonable and if you have a guest, you usually provide everything.

Octomore · 03/04/2022 13:09

Don't offer fryups if you resent doing them.
Dont offer to cook a roast it you resent it.
Don't pay for him at the pub if you resent it.
If you want someone to leave by Sunday lunchtime - tell them.

Simmering in silent resentment is ridiculous, so YABU on that basis.

OverByYer · 03/04/2022 13:10

As for breakfasts for guests I normally leave cereal/ pastries/ bread etc out the night before so everyone can help themselves when they get up/ are ready,unless I had PLANNED on doing a cooked breakfast.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 03/04/2022 13:10

Fgs just be an adult and discuss these things.

And don’t pay for things you don’t want to either.

Svara · 03/04/2022 13:11

Breakfast in my family when staying for the weekend is typically a fry up (egg and bacon bap if I'm cooking as I can't cope with more than that) on one day and toast/hot cross buns or similar on the other. Not a fry up both days!

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 03/04/2022 13:12

Why are you facilitating him and then complaining about it?

If he asks for a fry up - direct him to the fridge and say "eggs, bacon and sausages are all in there, beans are in the bottom cupboard on the right".

If you want him to leave by a certain time, you need to tell him! Say "we'd love to have you over but we have plans on Sunday so how about we have a late breakfast/brunch before you go?"

Stop being a pushover.

Octomore · 03/04/2022 13:13

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’
So you obediently cooked one? He's being entitled, but you're facilitating it.

Just say no.

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