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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don’t wait til the last minute on a Sunday to leave

290 replies

Dingalingdong · 03/04/2022 12:10

Single friend has come to stay. We have two young kids. Known him for a long time, always been a bit tight (sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of general tightness) but we do get on well.

Anyway he arrived at 10pm on Friday (before drinking his way through quite a lot including the bottle he brought) and crashing. Since then it’s been two full english breakfasts, a roast, dinner out and now a trip to the pub. And he’s not leaving until gone 6pm tonight.

So the question is what time would you tend to leave on a Sunday when staying with other people? And isn’t it hilarious that he doesn’t really understand when a nice time has been had but when to bow out so we can get organised for the week, especially considering he prides himself on his ‘manners’…

OP posts:

SpringsSprung · 03/04/2022 21:34

OP won't be back as we haven't all agreed with her 🙄

WomanStanleyWoman · 03/04/2022 21:48

@SpringsSprung

OP won't be back as we haven't all agreed with her 🙄

Yep. We were all meant to join her in bashing the single childless man. It didn’t happen - so she didn’t come back.

BorderlineHappy · 03/04/2022 22:33

OP won't be back as we haven't all agreed with her

Shes in the pub getting pissed trying to erase the memory of her "guest"

Ikeptgoing · 04/04/2022 06:48

I would just ask what time they're thinking of hitting the road.
If I need to start getting shit done for the week I'd start doing it, sticking some washing in, popping to shops etc.

This is a great way to phrase / do it

I don't mind when friends who've stayed for weekend leave when it's old uni friends. Just love their company, it's so relaxed and we all pitch in together .... and one else and I'm itching for people to leave before lunchtime Sunday as I 'have things to get on with'

I expect everyone to leave before Sunday teatime 5-6pm- where we we waving them off stood at the door by then. I do think trying to stay later is rude, I would have to say 'Right it's time to go, we've got things to get on with for school/ work tomorrow , let's wave you off before I start tea "

BrownStripePJ · 04/04/2022 08:52

I think leaving after breakfast is usual on a Sunday, so maybe 12ish

Problem when I stay at my friend's house they don't get up till 12 so then I'm waiting by myself since 8am thinking I could be on the road by now! And don't end up leaving till 2 or 3

timestheyarechanging · 04/04/2022 09:34

When we go to stay at friends' houses, even for one night, we always pay for a meal out to thank them for their hospitality.
Last time we went to friends' overnight, they made a lovely lunch when we arrived, a fabulous dinner when we returned from an afternoon out and a cooked breakfast so then we took them out for a late lunch before heading home. I'd feel dreadful otherwise. We also took wine, flowers and a magazine for their young daughter.
I thought this was normal. When invited to friends' for lunch or dinner, we always take flowers and wine (or chocolate if they don't drink). My now adult daughter does the same. My mum and dad always do too. All of my friends do the same. If I'm cooking, they bring the wine (and often dessert as I'm rubbish at making them!)

timestheyarechanging · 04/04/2022 09:36

Sorry, forgot to post re time - I think we left about 4pm on Sunday, after a late lunch, having arrived about 12pm on Saturday.

DameHelena · 04/04/2022 17:35

I think you're being a bit of a wet lettuce, TBH. You've known this guy for ages but you can't say, when you're making the plan for him to stay, something like 'Let's go out for a leisurely Sunday lunch but then we'll need to pack you off – bath night!'
And when you talk about breakfast why not just get out cereal/fruit/whatever you have and say, 'Here's the breakfast stuff.'? Or, again when you're planning, ask him what he likes so you can get it in (and if he says 'a fry-up', say you know some nice places to go out for one, it's not something you cook.)

He could have picked up the bill at least once though; that's bad form.

pollymere · 04/04/2022 17:41

It would depend on the friend. I've friends I'd want to stay much later just so we could have the time together. It sounds like you haven't really given any time or other boundaries to your friend staying. If you have croissants, then you need to say what you have, not a vague what would you like? A fry up both days sounds lovely and might be what he has. If you felt he should leave before six on Sunday then you need to say something time related so he knows rather than making him guess your agenda.

angela99999 · 04/04/2022 18:00

I think we'd probably leave after breakfast or after lunch, depending on our journey. Maybe next time say you're doing something on Sunday afternoon...

maybloss2 · 04/04/2022 18:31

Yep. Breakfast -the options are……if you want a fry up provide and cook it yourself?
If I’m staying more than one night with a friend I’d put forward breakfast out, but I’m guessing he doesn’t want to/can’t pay for your whole family. I’d also bring booze and offer up some other ‘service’, like washing up etc.

Longleggedgiraffe · 04/04/2022 18:31

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’

Don't say 'so, for breakfast..' Just say. "Cereals etc in the cupboard, there's the bread and toaster," and leave it like that. Or, lay the table for a cereal and toast breakfast and don't explain. Qif he has the gall to mention a cooked breakfast simply say you're not doing a cooked breakfast today. You don't need to explain yourself.

KatherineJaneway · 04/04/2022 18:31

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’

Your response is 'No can do. We have toast or cereal?'

Ohhhhladz · 04/04/2022 18:41

YABU because your title asks a different question from the body of your post.

No, you're not unreasonable to question someone "wait(ing) til the last minute on a Sunday to leave", but you are unreasonable in thinking that 6PM is universally considered "the last minute" in the context of someone staying the weekend. Personally, I'd probably assume they were staying for Sunday dinner and leaving soon afterwards (but not rushing rudely out the door) - although if it's just one person, no harm done if they unexpectedly have to leave earlier.

hungrymutha · 04/04/2022 19:32

I would be the same as you. I would want my space back

Next time you can say: we're doing bacon rolls
For breakfast and then we thought we'd go to (somewhere at least 45 mins drive in the direction of their home) stop for coffee and cake and then we must get back for homework and you can set off from there

ThistleTits · 04/04/2022 19:34

@Dingalingdong

I said ‘so for breakfast..’ and the response ‘oh fry up pls’

And you laugh and say toast or cereal.

NurseBernard · 04/04/2022 19:38

All these posters suggesting what the OP should say when he asks for a fry up.

No.

Just don’t ask what someone wants for breakfast in the first place.

If you’re going to refuse what they ask for - you don’t offer up whatever they want. You out out whatever you want.

WomanStanleyWoman · 04/04/2022 20:10

Well of course the OP could have just put out the breakfast she wanted to serve. But she didn’t - she asked an open-ended question, he answered with ‘fry-up please’. You can’t really criticise posters for saying how they’d have dealt with a scenario that actually happened rather than inventing a different one.

incognitoforthisone · 04/04/2022 20:26

He doesn't know what your routine with your kids is. Why would he? To a lot of people, 6pm would seem like a totally reasonable departure. If someone is coming to stay with me 'for the weekend' I'd discuss timings with them. I wouldn't assume they would have the same notion of a reasonable departure time as mine.

Also he's your guest, so of course he's going to be drinking your booze and eating your food. That's... what a guest is? Someone you provide hospitality to. I always feel a bit sad if people come to my ous and don't eat/drink much, because that's part of entertaining people for me. If you didn't want to cook him a fry up then you should have told him to help himself to toast and cereal. And when you go out for a pub lunch, just say 'Right, so how are we going to split this then?' when the bill arrives.

I don't really understand why you're pussyfooting around him when you've known each other for years. Basically, your post reads to me as 'I have a friend I don't actually like.'

NurseBernard · 04/04/2022 21:42

@WomanStanleyWoman

But the ‘you should have replied X scenario didn’t happen either…?

The OP can’t go back in time and say something different.

So - for future reference - don’t ask people what they want, if you don’t want to give them what they want.

Fluffmum · 04/04/2022 21:47

After lunch

THEDEACON · 05/04/2022 06:00

Stop having houseguests you aren't a great host

Thehundredthnamechange · 05/04/2022 07:06

I wouldn't expect a weekend guest to leave until Sunday evening? Don't think he's done anything odd or rude at all by planning to leave at 6pm on Sunday. Very normal in my experience.

Octomore · 05/04/2022 09:14

The OP can’t go back in time and say something different.

No, but I think all the posters who said "and you should have said [x]" were simply trying to point out that acquiescing to his request was not an inevitability - it was a choice that the OP made.

The OP had presented the scenario as if the only possible course of action she could have taken in response to his request was to make the fry-up, which we all know was complete bollocks.

Ifeelsuchafool · 05/04/2022 17:25

Weekend visiting is usually Friday to Monday and I certainly wouldn't be expecting guests to leave before dinner on Sunday unless arranged at the time of the invitation. E. G. "Please come and stay for the weekend of XXX" "I/We would love to but annoyingly need to xxxx very early on Monday, would you mind very much if we said goodbye after Sunday lunch?"

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