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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No party bag when left when it came to Ds. AIBU?

205 replies

Maybeimpetty · 02/04/2022 18:15

A kid came to half of DS’s party - he couldn’t make the activity so came for the pizza at a pizza restaurant - I obviously paid for all the pizzas. This kid brought no present, just a “card” on a piece of paper he’d drawn on. He got a party bag at DS’s party. I felt like it was a little rude to come to a party with no present - but whatever, kids have enough crap so they don’t need more - but this was a party where only 5 children were invited so it stuck out. I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.

This morning, Ds went to that kid’s party, which was an activity, no food. About 8 kids. At the end, there were “no party bags left” when it came to DS (he’s quite shy and not terribly pushy so would have waited until the end). Ds obviously gave a present.

AIBU to find this pretty cheeky?!

(Also - this family isn’t poor or having any money troubles. In fact, I’d call them well off. I know this for certain. Only mentioning in case people say they can’t afford a present or a party bag.)

Anyway happy to be told that I’m being petty and annoying and should mentally shut up about it. I haven’t said anything to anyone and won’t but inside am thinking it’s rude.

(Ds isn’t especially bothered anymore but was sad at the time to be the only kid with no party bag.)

OP posts:
Daffodils22 · 02/04/2022 18:17

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QuebecBagnet · 02/04/2022 18:17

Does sound a bit off. I always made up enough bags snd then a couple of spares in case errant siblings turned up.

stuntbubbles · 02/04/2022 18:17

Not the kid’s fault but that’s really awful. Isn’t standard party bag planning “prepare more bags than invitees, just in case? Sounds like they overinvited and assumed there’d be some drop-outs.

Troublesometooth · 02/04/2022 18:19

Bad on the organisers part as if I had suddenly realised I had no kids than bags I wouldn’t have given them out at all. You wouldn’t just leave one kid without one.

SevenWaystoLeave · 02/04/2022 18:20

Seems a bit like you're blaming the kid when it sounds like they're of an age when it's the parents responsibility to make sure their DCs take a present to a party or that there are enough party bags to make up. In the context of his parents being a bit forgetful/neglectful in that respect, it's actually quite sweet this kid hand-made a card for your DS - perhaps as he was given no card or present to bring it was the best he could do?

Original poster
Maybeimpetty · 02/04/2022 18:20

@QuebecBagnet

Does sound a bit off. I always made up enough bags snd then a couple of spares in case errant siblings turned up.
Same - I always have spares in case that happens or I am crap at counting.

Agree with the other poster who calls me petty - I kind of know it and am only inwardly mildly seething - but I take extra bags as I’d hate for a kid to be left out if I was the host so I kind of expect other parents to do the same! (And ds was invited, not an extra.)

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 02/04/2022 18:21

Wonder if someone gatecrashed a sibling? Still bad form.

Maray1967 · 02/04/2022 18:21

What probably happened was that a sibling took one or was given one by their brother/sister, not realising that there wouldn’t be enough for siblings. I’ve had to guard party bags like a hawk and be in control of giving them out at the end of my DSs parties as I’ve seen kids do this at others. Best thing to do now is not make a huge thing about it and say it would mostly be cake so let’s get some cake we like etc. He’ll have forgotten all about it soon.

Aliceinunderland · 02/04/2022 18:21

Sounds very mean. I always do extra party bags just in case, I'd hate for any child to be left out. I'd be quietly miffed too OP.

SamMil · 02/04/2022 18:22

I do think it's sad to leave one child without a party bag, when all the other children had one. I would have probably pulled some bits out of the other bags and improvised if I was the parents and had miscounted, rather than leave one child without anything.

The not bringing a present to your child's party wouldn't upset me though. You shouldn't expect gifts.

Original poster
Maybeimpetty · 02/04/2022 18:22

@SevenWaystoLeave

Seems a bit like you're blaming the kid when it sounds like they're of an age when it's the parents responsibility to make sure their DCs take a present to a party or that there are enough party bags to make up. In the context of his parents being a bit forgetful/neglectful in that respect, it's actually quite sweet this kid hand-made a card for your DS - perhaps as he was given no card or present to bring it was the best he could do?
Maybe you’re right about the handmade card!

But I don’t blame the kid - my post shouldn’t have come off that way so my bad - obviously my kids have no control over the gift giving or party bags either as they have no money!

OP posts:
EileenGC · 02/04/2022 18:23

Is the family British?

I only ask this as there are places where you don’t bring a big present to a child’s party, and/or party bags are not a thing. I learnt about their existence on Mumsnet actually!

Although that of course doesn’t explain them running out of party bags.

Svara · 02/04/2022 18:23

Assume it was just a mistake and a sibling took one without the person giving them out realising.

amoobaa · 02/04/2022 18:23

@Daffodils22

Another unbelievable petty post!
It might be petty to an adult but it’s unnecessary to put a child in a situation where they feel left out. If it was purely due to thoughtlessness then I’d be frustrated too. Kids have feelings. Of course life is unfair and worse things are happening elsewhere and all that jazz… but it doesn’t magically make it ok to dismiss a child’s feelings. There’s nothing petty about taking those feelings into account.
itsgettingweird · 02/04/2022 18:24

I'm not surprised your ds was upset and of course you're upset for him.

I'm very much in the camp of don't expect x y and z and everyone does things differently.

But to be part of a party where everyone got a party bag except you is a horrid feeling.

woodhill · 02/04/2022 18:25

Yanbu

I remember my own ds party years' ago and the first dc who was dropped off brought him no present or card, he had form for this.

Original poster
Maybeimpetty · 02/04/2022 18:25

@EileenGC

Is the family British?

I only ask this as there are places where you don’t bring a big present to a child’s party, and/or party bags are not a thing. I learnt about their existence on Mumsnet actually!

Although that of course doesn’t explain them running out of party bags.

Yes British.
OP posts:
FloralsForSpring · 02/04/2022 18:26

You're absolutely unreasonable when it comes to the child not bringing a present and making a handmade card. Parties shouldn't be about the gifts.

YANBU about the party bag as I expect a sibling gatecrashed and nicked one. Scummy thing to do but not the hosts fault really

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 02/04/2022 18:26

@Daffodils22

Another unbelievable petty post!
Don't be so spiteful.
Pixiedust1234 · 02/04/2022 18:27

Only eight kids and no party bags left??? Nope, it wasn't an accident. Call me cynical but the kid/parents don't actually like your child and were only after the gift you provided. Sorry if thats harsh but otherwise none of it makes sense.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 02/04/2022 18:29

Disappointing for your Ds, but probably just a mistake / party inexperience by the host.

The whole of the rest of your post is irrelevant.

NeedleNoodle3 · 02/04/2022 18:30

Let it go, let it go.

Roundtoedshoes · 02/04/2022 18:31

Seems odd they didn’t have enough party bags when it was so small a group (therefore making it more noticeable). It’s not nice for your DS, but be glad you actually didn’t get a bag of tat (which is what they are and I don’t understand them at all!)

This sort of thing sadly reminds me other people are not always as thoughtful as you are and it’s disappointing (even though I think they are naff, every child should get one and not be left out. I’ve had mums chasing me out of a party making sure I’ve got one - yay!)

ballsdeep · 02/04/2022 18:32

Id be glad for my children to leave a party without a bag. It is usually full of rubbish that goes in the bin as soon as they arent5 looking

drpet49 · 02/04/2022 18:32

* You're absolutely unreasonable when it comes to the child not bringing a present and making a handmade card. Parties shouldn't be about the gifts.*

^Yet on another thread today the poster is repeatedly told to take a present because it is rude if she doesn’t.

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