No party bag when left when it came to Ds. AIBU?

[Maybeimpetty]

A kid came to half of DS’s party - he couldn’t make the activity so came for the pizza at a pizza restaurant - I obviously paid for all the pizzas. This kid brought no present, just a “card” on a piece of paper he’d drawn on. He got a party bag at DS’s party. I felt like it was a little rude to come to a party with no present - but whatever, kids have enough crap so they don’t need more - but this was a party where only 5 children were invited so it stuck out. I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.

This morning, Ds went to that kid’s party, which was an activity, no food. About 8 kids. At the end, there were “no party bags left” when it came to DS (he’s quite shy and not terribly pushy so would have waited until the end). Ds obviously gave a present.

AIBU to find this pretty cheeky?!

(Also - this family isn’t poor or having any money troubles. In fact, I’d call them well off. I know this for certain. Only mentioning in case people say they can’t afford a present or a party bag.)

Anyway happy to be told that I’m being petty and annoying and should mentally shut up about it. I haven’t said anything to anyone and won’t but inside am thinking it’s rude.

(Ds isn’t especially bothered anymore but was sad at the time to be the only kid with no party bag.)

[JustLyra]

@Maybeimpetty

Perhaps the parents insist on yours being invited/them attending your DS's party as you are friends, but the kid isn't happy with that? This is entirely possible!

That's something to really keep an eye on.

It can be really tricky because, naturally, people want their friends kids' there, but it really doesn't work beyond a certain age. The kids just resent it. Especially if it was a small party and there was another child he wanted to invite.

[HanSB]

I wouldn’t assume that it was on purpose at all, it’s likely to be a mistake. I think more people showed up or additional siblings grabbed a party bag. You say yourself that your child waited till last. My child would ask politely if there was a party bag for them and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect every child to be given one and I know the host parents are often distracted by lots of other things going on and talking to guests. As far as the gift he gave I think it probably had more meaning for the child as it was a drawing/card he made personally instead of a gift his parents chose. It’s the thought that counts especially at that age they don’t need lots of toys. I have asked for presents of drawings and an old book to pass on before at my children birthdays.

[TempName01]

I can imagine the mum carefully prepared the party bags and then the dad handed them out and gave one to a sibling

[Gilead]

When I was a kid 50 odd years ago you went home with a piece of birthday cake in a napkin. You bought or made a birthday cake and a party cake, both identical to cover all eventualities. I carried this on for my four. A few other parents were so grateful for the idea and for a few years a primary school it, rather than party bags became the norm.

[Ohfgsnotagain]

It’s poor etiquette to turn up without a present unless host parent has asked for no parents.

As for party bags doesn’t everyone do a few ‘extra’ just incase an unexpected sibling or two comes along?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Not petty st all

he was invited

He should have got a party bag as all others dud

It’s dd party to. I have named the party bags so can give out and know all got one

[Volhhg]

They sound a bit disorganised so don't worry about it. Just explain to your son that is isn't personal and get him a bag of sweets/crap toy.

[Charpick]

Thought the same as Pixie!

[user1471443411]

I would feel the same way. It may be petty, but I wouldn't invite the child to any parties again, unless my child was really good friends with them.

[SprayedWithDettol]

This child has no agency in any of your situations. It’s isn’t their fault.

[Pfa2715]

I think the none party bag is harsh but to say that about a home made card is disgusting!! Its the thought that counts and not materialistic things! You clearly know there financial status do you.. grow up have some respect!!

[Clymene]

That's very unkind. And is giving the party child a bag a thing? Surely they're for the guests. I've never given them to my kids - they've got presents!

[Nomoresmoresthensnores]

The point is that for a lot of us with older dc we've done our time at the coal face of kids parties. Must have attended dozens. And there is a definite correlation between
Mean dc and entitled/mean parents.
E.g.
Not enough food or a poor selection
Not enough consideration of guests feelings/being a good host during party
Also being a good invitee- so being dropped on time, picked up on time, rsvp-ing and saying thanks.
Its nothing to do with presents. A well thought out home made card is fantastic (I know our dc prefer gifts bit its our job to let them know this isn't a given).
Someone once gave my ds a fiver in an envelope with a handmade card. Fantastic. he loved it!
All of this is up to the adults to do.
If they don't then yes sometimes there are other circumstances. But repeat offenders place them firmly in the camp of 'other peoples feelings don't count as much as mine'.
It will be a pattern until you grow sick of it and drop them. They'll probably drop you first once you've served your purpose (entertaining their dc)
I bet the 'holiday' will involve you all subsidising them. It'll be subtle.

[MrsLargeEmbodied]

oh that's awkward that he was teary without a bag,
must have been a mistake
i am glad he is ok now op

[lilmishap]

After a kids party its pretty hard to identify who left what present and who got which party bag.
I have been that kid whose parents just didn't give a shit and you are aware of, I have also been 'forgotten' because I was a care kid at a party I was lucky to be at. I can also see the link between his parents not giving a shit and him being a little bastard.
You're not obligated to fix any of that, if it bothers you don't invite him again but dont put your kid in a position where he's ignored either.

[dollydimple123]

Nothing to get worked up about but yeah a little cheeky I think, I'd at least pop a fiver in a card if I didn't have time to grab a gift. I usually make a couple extra party bags incase siblings tag along etc but maybe it was a genuine mistake.

As long as the kids had fun and aren't bothered I'd not be bothered

[Gilly12345]

A party with no food is crap and unthoughtful, party bags are a waste of money and usually full of plastic rubbish items.

To bring a handmade drawing card and no present is being cheeky.

This family are taking the piss.

[Insanelysilver]

Maybe the parent was doing it all on a shoe string.

[MajorCarolDanvers]

Sounds like they are a bit disorganised but not something to get worked up about.

[Magicandspiders]

YABU to claim they have no money problems.....unless you have access to their accounts then you will never know.

[Mariposista]

Oh bless. Sounds like he is really mature kid for just getting on with it - as irritating as parents find party bags with all the tat they contain, being the only one left out is a big deal to some kids. I would always make a couple of extra ones in case of such circumstances, or would count exactly how many kids are expected to come and make enough!

[FloralsForSpring]

@Ohfgsnotagain

It’s poor etiquette to turn up without a present unless host parent has asked for no parents.

As for party bags doesn’t everyone do a few ‘extra’ just incase an unexpected sibling or two comes along?

I wouldn't. I wouldn't expect a sibling to unexpectedly turn up. Who does this?!

[caringcarer]

I can't get worked up over missing out on tat in a party bag. I usually tell guest no gifts please as nowhere to put more stuff.

[aSofaNearYou]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't expect a sibling to unexpectedly turn up. Who does this?!

Me neither but I wouldn't let the unexpected sibling take a party bag as the host, I'd say there wasn't enough!

[aSofaNearYou]

@caringcarer

I can't get worked up over missing out on tat in a party bag. I usually tell guest no gifts please as nowhere to put more stuff.

But it's not you that would be missing out on it, it's the child who obviously finds them exciting. I'm not bothered about any of my DDs stuff but she is.