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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No party bag when left when it came to Ds. AIBU?

205 replies

Maybeimpetty · 02/04/2022 18:15

A kid came to half of DS’s party - he couldn’t make the activity so came for the pizza at a pizza restaurant - I obviously paid for all the pizzas. This kid brought no present, just a “card” on a piece of paper he’d drawn on. He got a party bag at DS’s party. I felt like it was a little rude to come to a party with no present - but whatever, kids have enough crap so they don’t need more - but this was a party where only 5 children were invited so it stuck out. I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.

This morning, Ds went to that kid’s party, which was an activity, no food. About 8 kids. At the end, there were “no party bags left” when it came to DS (he’s quite shy and not terribly pushy so would have waited until the end). Ds obviously gave a present.

AIBU to find this pretty cheeky?!

(Also - this family isn’t poor or having any money troubles. In fact, I’d call them well off. I know this for certain. Only mentioning in case people say they can’t afford a present or a party bag.)

Anyway happy to be told that I’m being petty and annoying and should mentally shut up about it. I haven’t said anything to anyone and won’t but inside am thinking it’s rude.

(Ds isn’t especially bothered anymore but was sad at the time to be the only kid with no party bag.)

OP posts:
collieresponder88 · 02/04/2022 20:33

It all seems a bit pointless. I couldn't be bothered to even think about this stuff tbh let alone post about it

NdefH81 · 02/04/2022 20:35

You were sensible to name change to start this thread OP

I wouldn’t want this kind of thread attached to my name either

Clymene · 02/04/2022 20:36

@collieresponder88

It all seems a bit pointless. I couldn't be bothered to even think about this stuff tbh let alone post about it
And yet you've bothered to read and post Hmm
DockOTheBay · 02/04/2022 20:36

@Pixiedust1234

Only eight kids and no party bags left??? Nope, it wasn't an accident. Call me cynical but the kid/parents don't actually like your child and were only after the gift you provided. Sorry if thats harsh but otherwise none of it makes sense.
Why invite them to the party at all then!?
NdefH81 · 02/04/2022 20:38

And there’s always the poster that responds with that thinking they’re being clever

That’s you @Clymene

Grin
aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2022 20:40

@Rosebuud

But it makes no sense, if your kid has went up first or earlier he’d have got a bag. As you yourself said all the other kids had them, you know he went up last, so clearly it was not personal , someone else took a bag that wasn’t intended for them which meant your kid missed out. It’s nothing to do with thr parents or the boy. What are they supposed to do, go wrestle it off them even if they had noticed.

The biggest crime they committed is not providing extras.

Well someone maybe did take the party bag intended for OPs DS but to me this seems like a strong argument for actually handing the party bags out rather than just leaving them to be grabbed. Especially if you know there is an extra child there and you didn't have extras, wouldn't you been on guard for this?

It might have been an accident but I think the parents should have been more mindful of the gift bags.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 02/04/2022 20:40

Not very thoughtful leaving him out with the party bags.

I made a bigger error at DS party, I gave some DC an extra for their sibling at home and there was none left for DS. Blush

The non gift I have no issue with.

DS recieved two handmade cards and he was delighted with them.

I don't know who gave what on the day, gifts and cards separated in the bag.

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2022 20:41

@NdefH81

You were sensible to name change to start this thread OP

I wouldn’t want this kind of thread attached to my name either

What a weird overreaction. It's a perfectly normal thread.
Clymene · 02/04/2022 20:43

@NdefH81

And there’s always the poster that responds with that thinking they’re being clever

That’s you @Clymene

Grin

I am clever. I don't just think I am Smile
NdefH81 · 02/04/2022 20:44

* I am clever. I don't just think I am smile*Grin

Is that your alter ego describing you as clever then?

midsomermurderess · 02/04/2022 20:44

@Daffodils22

Another unbelievable petty post!
This place has gone a bit batty recently, and it's awash with trolls (not that this is trolling).
Scbchl · 02/04/2022 20:45

Aw I feel really sorry for your wee boy leaving the party upset and being left out that's ashame..if it were me and id somehow (would never happen) made a mistake with bags id of got them all back in and redistributed the stuff so there was enough, even if there wasn't a bad to put the extra in id of got something rather than have one child with nothing.

anotherbloodyyearofcovid · 02/04/2022 20:46

@FloralsForSpring

You're absolutely unreasonable when it comes to the child not bringing a present and making a handmade card. Parties shouldn't be about the gifts.

YANBU about the party bag as I expect a sibling gatecrashed and nicked one. Scummy thing to do but not the hosts fault really

Well OF COURSE a child's party is about the gift!! And the party food and the games 🙄 what else are kids going to do at a kids party? Stand around with a paper cup of orange squash and make small talk??? Duoh

Shame on the other parents for not giving your child a gift or providing enough party bags. Shitty behaviour when little kids are involved.

lemongreentea · 02/04/2022 20:48

Are they british OP? Could be a cultural thing.

QuinkWashable · 02/04/2022 20:49

It'll be inexperienced partyboy/dad handing out to the unexpected sibling then. A structured family that didn't really think about having extras vs. old hands who always know to have a few more (I'm a soft touch, so I try to make sure I have enough to cover siblings who are hanging around at pickup too - but it's a pretty close-knit school so I know them all already).

And my eldest has been in this position - he just doesn't have elbows and is rubbish at pushing himself forward. Luckily he is also easy-going and knows that mistakes happen and I'll make it up to him.

EezyOozy · 02/04/2022 20:51

The rule is you always make up extra party bags to stop this happening!

LadyEloise1 · 02/04/2022 20:52

I don't think you're petty tbh.
I'd be annoyed too.
I can't stand freeloaders or mean people. Obviously not the child but the parents.

Nothappyatwork · 02/04/2022 20:58

I had to organise my DD‘s eighth birthday literally 10 days after I’d given birth to DC4. Nobody got a bloody party bag I literally couldn’t be asked they got a slice of a Marks And Spencers amazing birthday cake wrapped in a napkin and were very grateful

Clymene · 02/04/2022 20:58

As the host, it's your responsibility to make sure that all the guests get a party bag. It's crap to leave one child out. Either there weren't enough bags or he gave one to someone who wasn't a guest. And if he did make a stupid mistake and give a bag to a sibling, he should have realised and apologised to your son and acknowledged his disappointment. It all sounds very badly organised.

Even if you could afford to go on holiday with them, I can imagine it wouldn't be a lot of fun!

Nothappyatwork · 02/04/2022 21:00

As for is it cultural, are you kidding me my kids went to international private school and some of the presents they received from the international children were mind blowing like we didn’t spend that much on our kids and they all came beautifully wrapped with ribbons and sweets stuck on the wrapping paper was gorgeous.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 02/04/2022 21:03

@TempName01

I can imagine the mum carefully prepared the party bags and then the dad handed them out and gave one to a sibling
100% this.
HomeHomeInTheRange · 02/04/2022 21:06

I made a bigger error at DS party, I gave some DC an extra for their sibling at home and there was none left for DS

I don't think that is a bigger error at all! Party bags are a 'going home present' to say thank you for coming to the party. Like favours at a wedding. Party bags often contain a bit of the birthday cake to take home.

I always had party bags for my DCs at their parties, but much worse not to give a departing guest one if there is a shortage.

LadyEloise1 · 02/04/2022 21:06

You wrote it was the dad and the birthday boy handing out the party bags.
My dh would happily hand out party bags to siblings and not realise until it was too late that one child was left out. He wouldn't be as empathetic as I would be - I would be Blushand would tell that child what had happened and send one in to school to them as soon as I could whereas dh would probably shrug and expect a child to suck it up. DH went to boarding school and loved it. Smile

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/04/2022 21:09

The parents may not be poor. However that doesn’t mean they scatter the cash either.
Maybe they refused to buy a present as they see it as unnecessary spending.
That’s hardly the child’s fault, is it. it’s a bit “naughty” calling him rude.
I am however on your side over the party bags. Surely you’d make sure you had enough for each child.

WWRGD · 02/04/2022 21:09

This is not worth worrying about. Party bags are never that exciting anyway and it would be better if noone did them - such a waste.