No party bag when left when it came to Ds. AIBU?

[Maybeimpetty]

A kid came to half of DS’s party - he couldn’t make the activity so came for the pizza at a pizza restaurant - I obviously paid for all the pizzas. This kid brought no present, just a “card” on a piece of paper he’d drawn on. He got a party bag at DS’s party. I felt like it was a little rude to come to a party with no present - but whatever, kids have enough crap so they don’t need more - but this was a party where only 5 children were invited so it stuck out. I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.

This morning, Ds went to that kid’s party, which was an activity, no food. About 8 kids. At the end, there were “no party bags left” when it came to DS (he’s quite shy and not terribly pushy so would have waited until the end). Ds obviously gave a present.

AIBU to find this pretty cheeky?!

(Also - this family isn’t poor or having any money troubles. In fact, I’d call them well off. I know this for certain. Only mentioning in case people say they can’t afford a present or a party bag.)

Anyway happy to be told that I’m being petty and annoying and should mentally shut up about it. I haven’t said anything to anyone and won’t but inside am thinking it’s rude.

(Ds isn’t especially bothered anymore but was sad at the time to be the only kid with no party bag.)

[Grapewrath]

I can totally understand why your ds was disappointed however it’s really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things

[diddl]

How old are the kids?

Were there a lot there do you know?

If you know who you have invited then don't you make sure that they get the party bags & not the not invited siblings?

[ZL2014]

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

Personally I couldn’t care if others got my child a present, the party is for my child to enjoy celebrating with their friends and as long as they’ve had a good a good time then great!

Sometimes more kids come or you might get a child that picks up a couple of bags (not that they should but we all know kids). I just wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

[Eightiesfan]

In your position would have been thrilled that DC didn’t get a party bag, as they are normally filled with a lot of crap that ends up as landfill.

[riceuten]

The one thing my late mum taught me as a child is that there are nice people and horrible people and to try and be nice to people when you can, but people may still be horrible to you.

At best, in a situation like this, your child will learn what a CF is, and what constitutes hypocrisy.

But dwelling on it ? No, move on, they'll have enough other stuff to deal with in later childhood

[SoftSheen]

YANBU to expect DS to have been given a party bag when everyone else except him had one. Most children would be upset by this. If no-one had a party bag, that would be fair enough.

[Herejustforthisone]

@Daffodils22

Another unbelievable petty post!

I don’t agree. You have to make sure there’s enough for all the children you invite. To leave a single one empty handed is horrible.

[diddl]

@Eightiesfan

In your position would have been thrilled that DC didn’t get a party bag, as they are normally filled with a lot of crap that ends up as landfill.

How would your child have felt though?

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

Completely aside from the point of the thread, does anyone else thing it's really weird to invite people you don't know particularly well on an expensive holiday? I don't think that makes them delightful people, I think it makes them suspicious. Although I'm very cynical so it might just be me.

[whensmynexthol1day]

Eek! My daughter brought a handmade card to a party she went to last week (with a present) because she was really excited about a picture she'd made on the iPad and wanted to make it into a card for her friend. Now worrying they think we are cheapskates...

[Maybeimpetty]

@whensmynexthol1day

Eek! My daughter brought a handmade card to a party she went to last week (with a present) because she was really excited about a picture she'd made on the iPad and wanted to make it into a card for her friend. Now worrying they think we are cheapskates...

The handmade card wasn’t what made me think they’re cheapskates at all! In fact, handmade cards are brilliant I tend to keep them when I’m choosing which birthday keepsake-y stuff to keep or chuck.

It was that it was a pen drawing on a piece of paper and nothing else. Like I said, I only really thought about it again when DS was upset about no party bag today.

[KickAssAngel]

I would say try to gently steer away from this family. The parents may appear utterly delightful, but they aren't behaving that way.
I think it's a bit rude to bring your kid for a meal when they can't make the activity, unless it's a really close friend who is just dropping in. To do so with no card/present is actually rude. Then to not have a party bag, and Dad to not notice - either they're completely feckless and will always be forgetting/double booking themselves, or they are quite mean-fisted and will always be taking more than they give. Either way, I'd be happy to be friendly but not actually friends with them. If the boy is also quite mean and whispers about other kids, then I'd want to keep my kid away from him.

Not worth falling out with them, but worth keeping them at arms-length.

[TheArtfulBlogger]

I often wonder why the first reply in a post it often the most unhelpful. I suppose it's the rush to get in first 🙄

OP YANBU. Now you know why they are well off. Tight fisted and mean to kids.

[flopseyR72]

This is a aside issue but as a single parent I hate parties at events unless they are drop off. As a single parent You have to bring siblings. You can tell the sibling is not really wanted and it’s hard to explain to a pre schooler you can’t have the food or the cake etc.

[DrPrepper]

Could it be about something more than the party bag?

[Walkingalot]

Tbh, no present, a handmade card and not enough party bags - sounds like the parents are very disorganised. Poor kids.

[Rosebuud]

These replies are shocking. If your son went up earlier he would have got a party bag, it was because he was last. So clearly it wasn’t deliberate or targeted. They will have supplied seven as they expected seven kids and someone brought a sibling or they supplied eight and someone took two.

[LadyHooHa]

@nldnmum02

Sounds like a shabby family. I would discourage Ds contact with their child and encourage friendships with other children from backgrounds with some grasp of decency and etiquette.

I wouldn't do this. I would use it as an opportunity to breeze through it and say 'oh dear, bad luck' about the party bag, and 'how nice that he made you a card' about the lack of present. I wouldn't jump to conclusions about 'decency and etiquette' either, without a lot more to go on than this. If my husband had been handing out party bags, he'd have been handing three to any one child who asked for them, and would then have wondered where they had gone (which is one reason he was never given that job). All you can do is be gracious and encourage your children to do likewise.

[Rainydaysandmondays24]

I don't understand how you can claim to know everything about this family's situation. You can't possibly know.
It's not just finances.
They could be going through a really tough time.
I always see it as there is always more to it than what you see on the surface.
People have their reasons for doing things/ not doing things.
I'm sure it wasn't done out of spite.

[Rosebuud]

But it makes no sense, if your kid has went up first or earlier he’d have got a bag. As you yourself said all the other kids had them, you know he went up last, so clearly it was not personal , someone else took a bag that wasn’t intended for them which meant your kid missed out. It’s nothing to do with thr parents or the boy. What are they supposed to do, go wrestle it off them even if they had noticed.

The biggest crime they committed is not providing extras.

[NdefH81]

The only part that would slightly piss me off although more baffled is fact that not enough party bags

Nothing else

[NdefH81]

* I am actually not a huge fan of the kid.*

And there we have it

[Cirelle]

YANBU to expect all children to receive a party bag. It’s mean to leave kids out. I can only assume some siblings helped themselves to bags so they didn’t have enough. YABU to be upset about the handmade card though. Poor child obviously wasn’t given a gift to bring and did his best to provide something. I doubt your child noticed the lack of gift anyway, but if they did it’s a teachable moment about not expecting a gift because the company of a friend is the real gift.

[Stompythedinosaur]

I think not getting enough party bags for the dc invited is mean! If you have 8 invitees you wouldn't get 7 bags. And if you did, surely you'd miss your own dc out!

[NdefH81]

* The dad will have seen us leave with no bag*
Not all of us are quite so beady eyed as you op
Doubt I would have noticed or presumed you had put in your bag