Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No party bag when left when it came to Ds. AIBU?

205 replies

Maybeimpetty · 02/04/2022 18:15

A kid came to half of DS’s party - he couldn’t make the activity so came for the pizza at a pizza restaurant - I obviously paid for all the pizzas. This kid brought no present, just a “card” on a piece of paper he’d drawn on. He got a party bag at DS’s party. I felt like it was a little rude to come to a party with no present - but whatever, kids have enough crap so they don’t need more - but this was a party where only 5 children were invited so it stuck out. I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.

This morning, Ds went to that kid’s party, which was an activity, no food. About 8 kids. At the end, there were “no party bags left” when it came to DS (he’s quite shy and not terribly pushy so would have waited until the end). Ds obviously gave a present.

AIBU to find this pretty cheeky?!

(Also - this family isn’t poor or having any money troubles. In fact, I’d call them well off. I know this for certain. Only mentioning in case people say they can’t afford a present or a party bag.)

Anyway happy to be told that I’m being petty and annoying and should mentally shut up about it. I haven’t said anything to anyone and won’t but inside am thinking it’s rude.

(Ds isn’t especially bothered anymore but was sad at the time to be the only kid with no party bag.)

OP posts:
RaRathebravelion · 02/04/2022 18:34

@Daffodils22 your comment is much more objectionable than the OP's post

OP I agree that's not very nice for your DS. If sounds like his parents are not very considerate if they managed to not give your DS a gift at his party or a party bag are their DC's. They should have noticed he didn't get one.

I don't think there's much you can do but I think it's understandable you'd be slightly miffed.

Agree with PP just get your DS a treat instead.

Original poster
Maybeimpetty · 02/04/2022 18:35

@Pixiedust1234

Only eight kids and no party bags left??? Nope, it wasn't an accident. Call me cynical but the kid/parents don't actually like your child and were only after the gift you provided. Sorry if thats harsh but otherwise none of it makes sense.
I am actually not a huge fan of the kid. He’s kind of mean. So it’s possible there’s more to it. I hadn’t noticed anything much about the kid until DS’s party, where he was very snarky and whispery with another boy.

But the parents are utterly delightful - and they recently asked we’d like to go on holiday with them plus a few others (I don’t know them well enough for that, and it’s a bit expensive, so we won’t) so I’m not sure it’s personal, but who knows?

Maybe the kid only invited ds because he went to DS’s party and didn’t want him there? It’s possible.

OP posts:
BobbinHood · 02/04/2022 18:35

Really poor form not to make sure there are enough party bags.

nldnmum02 · 02/04/2022 18:35

Sounds like a shabby family. I would discourage Ds contact with their child and encourage friendships with other children from backgrounds with some grasp of decency and etiquette.

spongedog · 02/04/2022 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jules912 · 02/04/2022 18:38

At one of my DS's parties I had a few extra party bags but as well as some people bringing siblings almost everyone who didn't RSVP turned up. Even after I said siblings could stay but I didn't have party bags for them I was one short so DS went without.

Cherrysherbet · 02/04/2022 18:40

That’s really mean of them. I would be mortified if I left a child without a party bag. It just wouldn’t happen! I alway prepared spares just incase.

The no present thing wouldn’t bother me, but leaving a child out just isn’t on!

TempName01 · 02/04/2022 18:42

How was there not enough party bags? Did you ask the parents? If it was my party I would give the birthday child’s bag to the guest, were they not mortified?

FloralsForSpring · 02/04/2022 18:43

@drpet49

* You're absolutely unreasonable when it comes to the child not bringing a present and making a handmade card. Parties shouldn't be about the gifts.*

^Yet on another thread today the poster is repeatedly told to take a present because it is rude if she doesn’t.

Then they are all wrong.
FloralsForSpring · 02/04/2022 18:44

Saw your update. Doesn't sound like they are mates so if wouldn't go on holiday with them

chisanunian · 02/04/2022 18:45

@Daffodils22

Another unbelievable petty post!
It's not petty at all, it's really rude and bad mannered. The OP and her dc have been taken advantage of, left right and centre.
Oblomov22 · 02/04/2022 18:48

How can you invite 8 kids to a party and only make 7 part bags? They are rich fur a reason, incredibly stingy.

Original poster
Maybeimpetty · 02/04/2022 18:49

I wasn’t super bothered about the no present (although noticed because not many guests) until this morning and the no party bag.

Made me feel like I had tried to make the kids feel comfortable and celebrated and have fun, and that child’s parents hadn’t for the kids they were hosting in return.

I know it doesn’t mean much and is a bit petty, but irked me!

And, to be honest, made me wonder if I am a too much of a try-hard when it comes to my kids’ parties.

OP posts:
TempName01 · 02/04/2022 18:51

Did you make the parents aware about the party bag?

WombatChocolate · 02/04/2022 18:51

I’d view this as just a bit of bad luck.
Perhaos these parents aren’t super on the ball, organising birthday gifts and having spares of party bags.

It is bad luck that your DC didn’t get a present and was also the one to not get a party bag.

However, I would very much encourage DC to move on from it (perhaps give them some sweets) and would then have moved on myself.

There will always be some people who aren’t so organised. Some will do a party tea you think is disappointing, or run games that dint seem great, if it have thought about the timings if the activities…or not host a party when their kid attends lots they’re invited to. It’s just how it is.

You can decide to encourage your DC to be friends with the kids if ‘people like us’ or not to invite those other kids back, or just see it all as the rich tapestry of life.

And to those saying ‘I can see how you’d be really hurt for your child’ - well do get a grip. Kids need to build some resilience and beyond a momentary ‘oh that’s a shame that’s happened’ or ‘oh the way that’s worked out isn’t quite fair’ surely it’s such a tiny thing that you have forgotten it very quickly?

Those who these things become a big thing for, and for whose kids it becomes a big thing for (usually fuelled by parents) are likely to be those who struggle with little setbacks. Actually the odd little setback like this is a good place to learn that life doesn’t always go perfectly and most of it can be dealt with just fine.

Original poster
Maybeimpetty · 02/04/2022 18:52

A sibling was at the party, I hadn’t really thought about it - but I’m sure the sibling took a bag when maybe they hadn’t prepared for that.

I didn’t say anything to anyone there, because I didn’t want to bring the mood down. But I bought DS an ice cream on the way home as his “party bag”.

I wasn’t standing with him when it happened, but he came to me head down, tears in eyes and said, “they ran out of bags, I got there too late”. It was a drop off, so I only saw him at the beginning of the party and the end for that bit.

OP posts:
Smileyaxolotl1 · 02/04/2022 18:53

I agree with others. I think the present thing is a bit weird but wouldn’t overly bother me. Surely a packet of sweets or lolly with the home made card isn’t much to ask?
But I would be annoyed about the party bag.
My daughter is having a small party in a few weeks and we have individually named all party bags.
Didn’t you say something at that time?

TempName01 · 02/04/2022 18:55

Did you not ask the parents though, your son might have been mistaken, the party kid might have been mean and pretended there were none left. The parents should offer the party kid’s bag if they ran out for guests!

Nomoresmoresthensnores · 02/04/2022 18:55

Run for the hills.
I used to live in quite a posh place. Families like this a plenty. Really mean and grabby/tight but rolling in it too. Some people just don't have good manners. Yeah of course a present or party bag are not to be expected. But it's good form to do. When I moved somewhere not as affluent I noticed that some families didn't accept invites because perhaps the present was too much in a tight budget. I always tried to make it clear (and to my dc) that no present is totally ok and not to expect a party bag.
But that's not what's happened here.
Mean kids have mean parents. Dc aren't mean unless behaviour is learnt at home. They are cf's.
H(oliday will definitely be like that!) nad generally they raise kids to think the worrlld owes them. We have held on to one set of friends like this as dc still friendly but I noticed early on they have short arms and deep pockets and aren't short of money. This last year I've really got fed up of it and been phasing tthem.out

Nomoresmoresthensnores · 02/04/2022 18:57

Because tight people don't do more party bags than needed...

WTF475878237NC · 02/04/2022 18:58

Another unbelievable petty post!

^ it's a chat forum Confused

GigglingPinkGiraffe · 02/04/2022 18:59

Are this family perhaps just quite scatty and disorganised? It sounds like they're just pretty forgetful and a bit all over the place!

I wouldn't overthink it all.

VyeBrator · 02/04/2022 19:01

Also - this family isn’t poor or having any money troubles. In fact, I’d call them well off. I know this for certain.

How?

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2022 19:01

Quite mean, yes. I probably wouldn't bother with this child's parties again.

DrSbaitso · 02/04/2022 19:01

Not on not to have enough party bags for all, but it sounds like it's more down to ineptitude than malice. Some people really can't organise a piss up in a brewery.