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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To he appalled at this experience today

361 replies

User199999 · 01/04/2022 18:23

Hi.

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable but it is a genuine experience from today.

Myself, my mum and my DD went to a local charity shop which we have visited many times. My DD sometimes can have tantrums whilst out in shops, just normal toddler tantrums. Whilst in there my DD got a bit upset and kicked off a bit and was crying/throwing herself around. I knelt down and tried to calm her down. Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock. She then pointed her finger right in DDs face like she was telling her off. I walked off with DD so I didn’t see this but my mum said the shop keeper pulled a really angry face and did a ‘strangling motion’ behind mine and DDs back. DD then got upset again and I picked her up to try and calm her but she got more upset. The Shop keeper said ‘I think she wants to be put down, doesn’t she’ in a really stern manner, like she was trying too belittle me.

My mum wanted to purchase something so we went to the que and when was getting served o said to DD ‘you’re tired arnt you’re and the shop keeper said ‘yes, I understand she wasn’t doing anything wrong but I’m very old fashioned’. I think this was very inappropriate. What are peoples opinions please.

OP posts:
Original poster
User199999 · 01/04/2022 18:24

Also I have been on Mumsnet for a few years but have changed my name! Wwyd please would you complain or just leave it, and not got back in that shop?

OP posts:
Unsureaboutit9 · 01/04/2022 18:27

I’d just leave it, I’d have also taken my DD out of the shop to calm her down, especially with the staff member being weird.

GrazingSheep · 01/04/2022 18:28

I’d leave it
Who would you complain to anyway?

Original poster
User199999 · 01/04/2022 18:29

Thank you. Yes I did say to DD shall we go outside but it made her even more upset because she didn’t want to leave my mum and my mum was wanting to purchase something! I definitely was very flustered in the situation

OP posts:
clarrylove · 01/04/2022 18:29

I'd have taken child outside and left your mum to make her purchase.

SallyLovesCheese · 01/04/2022 18:29

Yes, I'd have taken my child out of the shop. Charity shops are often quite small and a crying child could have sounded quite loud in there.

caulkheaded · 01/04/2022 18:30

It wouldn’t bother me, unless I was having a rubbish day when I overthink things- if that was the case I’d be actively looking for proof I was rubbish!! Any other time though I’d have taken DD outside and brushed it off

Original poster
User199999 · 01/04/2022 18:30

I should add when she tapped my DDs shoulder she did do it quite hard, I don’t understand why she felt the need to do that

OP posts:
Ownedbymycats · 01/04/2022 18:30

Not a big deal, toddlers can be difficult and very loud.

Original poster
User199999 · 01/04/2022 18:31

Yes I did say to DD that I will take her outside but she kept screaming ‘nanny’ as she didn’t want to go outside whilst my mum stayed in the shop but my mum was buying something

OP posts:
Unsureaboutit9 · 01/04/2022 18:31

Don’t give her the option saying should we, if she misbehaves in a shop she doesn’t get a say. She’s more likely to calm down quickly having been removed from the situation.

Chamomileteaplease · 01/04/2022 18:31

Well it could either be old-fashioned or very weird Grin depends what want to call it.

However, I think you should have taken your dd out of the shop as soon as she started "kicking off".

JudgeRindersMinder · 01/04/2022 18:32

@User199999

I should add when she tapped my DDs shoulder she did do it quite hard, I don’t understand why she felt the need to do that
To get her attention and possibly “shock” her out of her behaviour?

I’m not a fan of tantrumming children not being removed from situations…this is why they’re still liftable at that age!

GeoffLynton · 01/04/2022 18:33

Toddlers do have tantrums, that's just the way it is. I think unless you absolutely have to be there, the most sensible thing to do is take them outside. It might just have seemed a bit 'off' that you didn't.

I wouldn't give it too much headspace.

angstridden2 · 01/04/2022 18:34

I would point out that sometimes volunteers in charity shops are there to help recovery from MH or other issues and so this assistant may have been particularly sensitive to your child’s tantrum and possibly did not deal with it in what others may consider an appropriate way.

Definitely would have removed child regardless as soon as they kicked off!

Bigtruth · 01/04/2022 18:34

The moment has passed. It probably annoyed you, it was probably already tense with the situation.

Don't let it sit with you any longer than it needs to. She may have overstepped a line but it happens. There's no harm done and you can choose not to go back.

Don't let a slight negative experience cloud the rest of your day. Enjoy some time with the family. 🙂

savedbyanalien · 01/04/2022 18:34

Not a big deal tbh. I would have just taken your DD out of the shop.

CheshireCats · 01/04/2022 18:35

You should have taken your child out of the shop.
Never mind she didn't want to. You are in charge.
However, the person working there should not have touched your child. I would be tempted to report this to head office of the charity.

stokiemum62 · 01/04/2022 18:35

In that most charity shops are staffed by older volunteers I would assume that this person is from a generation with a different parenting style you. I would have removed myself and child outside long before tantrum 3 because our charity shops are full of glassware, china and delicate items, the volunteer was probably worried that something was going to get broken.
Perhaps keep your daughter out of charity shops until she is through this phase?

NewYearEveryYear · 01/04/2022 18:35

Tapping and telling off, weird, but whatever.

But the strangling motion. No one makes a strangling motion about my child. Esp not in this era when the news is peppered with stories of children murdered by their adults. Extraordinarily tone deaf and insensitive.

twinsetandpearl · 01/04/2022 18:35

I've noticed you haven't said how old your DD is?

I've got kids I get it. But I wouldn't let one kick off and tantrum in a shop. I'd of whipped them straight out of there quicker than you could have said Sue Ryder

Kddie · 01/04/2022 18:35

Well I would have certainly asked her why she felt the need to put her hands on my child in any manner!

Mybestyear · 01/04/2022 18:36

My experience of "local charity shops" is that the people that tend to 'work' in them are holier-than-thou do-gooders who are actually not very nice people but present themselves as pillars of the community who "do good work". Complaining will get you nowhere as they will likely be mates with the people you would be complaining too. I'd make it my mission to take DD when she was at her most grumpiest and then go in and fake a tantrum yourself and put the person on the spot!

Springhassprung86 · 01/04/2022 18:36

Take her out of the shop whether she likes it or not?! She’s misbehaving so doesn’t get what she wants, tough luck. why should other shoppers and the poor shopkeeer have the listen to screaming kids! YABVU.

ittakes2 · 01/04/2022 18:36

Charity staff are volunteers I would just leave it

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