To he appalled at this experience today

[User199999]

Hi.

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable but it is a genuine experience from today.

Myself, my mum and my DD went to a local charity shop which we have visited many times. My DD sometimes can have tantrums whilst out in shops, just normal toddler tantrums. Whilst in there my DD got a bit upset and kicked off a bit and was crying/throwing herself around. I knelt down and tried to calm her down. Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock. She then pointed her finger right in DDs face like she was telling her off. I walked off with DD so I didn’t see this but my mum said the shop keeper pulled a really angry face and did a ‘strangling motion’ behind mine and DDs back. DD then got upset again and I picked her up to try and calm her but she got more upset. The Shop keeper said ‘I think she wants to be put down, doesn’t she’ in a really stern manner, like she was trying too belittle me.

My mum wanted to purchase something so we went to the que and when was getting served o said to DD ‘you’re tired arnt you’re and the shop keeper said ‘yes, I understand she wasn’t doing anything wrong but I’m very old fashioned’. I think this was very inappropriate. What are peoples opinions please.

Just leave it, for god's sake.

Some people prefer a day at work without loud dc...

I would have removed child from the shop. I think she was out of order poking/tapping DD but it sounds like she was being really loud. It's not about what you or DD want in a charity shop - you need to consider other customers.

Yep in future don’t give dd choices just remove her. Doesn’t matter that she screamed for nanny, she as still tantrumming wasn’t she? I would have got her out quickly.

I’m sure it was annoying but just forget it now.

Thanks everyone for the opinions. You’re right I should of removed us both from the situation. I was just a bit flustered at the time

@twinsetandpearl she is 2 and a half

A child in tantrum can be sensory overload for many people. I leave places when parents don't remove a child in tantrum because I find it unbearable. I would hope I'd not touch the child as this keeper did, but I do know I've exclaimed, saying things I normally wouldn't say in public and made a hasty retreat.

I’d have taken a child having a tantrum outside. Having worked in retail we often had parents actually bringing a screaming child into the shop because they still wanted to look around! It really isn’t fair to subject the staff/volunteers to your child’s tantrum.

Probably a poorly trained volunteer. She shouldn't have got involved and it was strange that she did. However I would have take the toddler out in that situation, however much she protested. The more you give in the more they learn that having a tantrum gets them what they want

Personally I’d have taken DD outside and told her she was being far too noisy to be in a shop. It’s awful when they’re at that stage, I’d guess the shop worker was trying to “shock” her out of it in an attempt to help.

Also there wasn’t any one else in the shop at the time so we wasn’t disturbing customers; I understand it may of been disruptive to her though but it was just the tapping and strangling motion behind our backs. I. Think this is an inappropriate reaction

Cross posted! Sorry OP!

Very often volunteers in charity shops have special needs. If you don't know them that might come across as 'weird', strict, awkward, whatever. I would assume that was the case and not complain.. If it were a paid worker in a non charity shop I might feel differently.

As to how you dealt with the tantrum, you just did what you did each tantrum is a different beast isn't it .

I know this kind of thing can be unsettling but you didn't do anything wrong and the shop keeper behaved inappropriately for some reason. If you feel she's a danger to other kids or needs extra training because she tapped your DD too hard by all means contact the shop to tell them, but I wouldn't complain as such unless there's a particular outcome you want.

I would have told her before we went in the shop how she needed to behave and then given her a warning in the shop when she started crying and throwing herself around - and then taken her out. Throwing yourself around in a shop that probably has lots of breakables is not appropriate and crying can be very loud in a small space.

You child was annoying - even if it was normal toddler behaviour - and the lady got a bit annoyed. If you don't want to go back then don't but I would concentrate on working on your child's behaviour rather than complaining.

@User199999

I should add when she tapped my DDs shoulder she did do it quite hard, I don’t understand why she felt the need to do that

Get a grip. Your child will not be scarred from it.

"I'd make it my mission to take DD when she was at her most grumpiest and then go in and fake a tantrum yourself and put the person on the spot!"

What would that accomplish? Just make things horrible for everyone including the people who work in the shop who are primarily volunteers. Kid you'd look really ridiculous

@Toddlerteaplease I understand that Maybe I’m just shocked because I wouldn’t ever touch somebody else’s child or get involved in the matter

'Plus' not 'kid'

@lonlydomassiveones not all the time if I can help it but I am a single parent so I have no choice to take her in with me sometimes like the supermarket for example

You didn't take her out when she was having a tantrum, because she didn't want to go out?
Crikey.
Time to realise who is in charge here.

I'd be livid OP !! Some of the comments here are laughable.

I'd be mad too. Completely inappropriate. I can remember weird adults doing things like that to me when I was kid and although making a scene would have made it worse she should have minded her own business.

[quote User199999]@Toddlerteaplease I understand that Maybe I’m just shocked because I wouldn’t ever touch somebody else’s child or get involved in the matter[/quote]
Look we weren't there, but the way you've described it, it does just sound look like somebody a bit 'old school' (not necessarily old!) has stepped in to intervene to try and help (or shut the kid up )

My youngest is a teen now, but I've been in situations when they were little and kicking off, and a stranger has suddenly engaged with them. The result can be a complete stoppage of the tantrum while they looked in bafflement at the random talking to them!

Mumsnet is so weird! This woman tapped your child hard on the shoulder and acted inappropriately. It wasn’t her place to do so and you shouldn’t have been so passive.

I would complain. But make sure she isn’t the manager. I say this because I once wrote a letter of complaint about a charity shop worker and it turned out that he was the manager! 🙂 He was actually only the manager because he’d been manager when the shop had been a wine shop. It turned out that he was pretty much universally hated.

you are in the wrong,
nobody else wants to hear a tantrum - and nor should they