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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To he appalled at this experience today

361 replies

User199999 · 01/04/2022 18:23

Hi.

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable but it is a genuine experience from today.

Myself, my mum and my DD went to a local charity shop which we have visited many times. My DD sometimes can have tantrums whilst out in shops, just normal toddler tantrums. Whilst in there my DD got a bit upset and kicked off a bit and was crying/throwing herself around. I knelt down and tried to calm her down. Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock. She then pointed her finger right in DDs face like she was telling her off. I walked off with DD so I didn’t see this but my mum said the shop keeper pulled a really angry face and did a ‘strangling motion’ behind mine and DDs back. DD then got upset again and I picked her up to try and calm her but she got more upset. The Shop keeper said ‘I think she wants to be put down, doesn’t she’ in a really stern manner, like she was trying too belittle me.

My mum wanted to purchase something so we went to the que and when was getting served o said to DD ‘you’re tired arnt you’re and the shop keeper said ‘yes, I understand she wasn’t doing anything wrong but I’m very old fashioned’. I think this was very inappropriate. What are peoples opinions please.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 01/04/2022 18:55

Yes I did say to DD that I will take her outside but she kept screaming ‘nanny’ as she didn’t want to go outside whilst my mum stayed in the shop but my mum was buying something

Your child is 2 - she doesn’t get a choice whether to go outside or not.

You do seem like a passive parent and the women was probably just trying to help you out.

I can see what she’s done wrong. Sometimes a stranger can help with a child’s tantrum. I’ve had many people tell my DD that she needs to be a good girl for mummy if she’s making a lot of noise. I know they’re only trying to help because they’ve been through it themselves.

Newuser82 · 01/04/2022 18:56

Hmm, I wouldn't have liked this at all. Any of it. Yes, maybe take her out if this happens again but it's all a bit odd isn't it

MrsLargeEmbodied · 01/04/2022 18:56

why the need to complain?
that is inappropriate and small minded

GabriellaMontez · 01/04/2022 18:56

"Do not tap my daughter"

Practice saying it very firmly in your best teacher voice for next time an adult thinks it's appropriate to do this or anything similar.

The strangling actions are very odd and that's putting it kindly.

VladmirsPoutine · 01/04/2022 18:56

Just leave it. There is not much to be gained by pursuing this and I can't imagine you writing a 'strongly worded letter of complaint'.

Booboobibles · 01/04/2022 18:57

I honestly can’t believe some of these comments!!! What the actual fuck!!

hamstersarse · 01/04/2022 18:57

There used to be a saying that it takes a village to raise a child

You weren't able to deal with the tantrum, this volunteer tried to. I don't see the issue. Children are part of society, not owned by you.

Please don't complain.

Ionlydomassiveones · 01/04/2022 18:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

GabriellaMontez · 01/04/2022 18:57

@lollipoprainbow

I'd be livid OP !! Some of the comments here are laughable.
Agreed.
MrsLargeEmbodied · 01/04/2022 18:58

think about the shop keeper?
perhaps she herself has sensory issues?
perhaps she is old school
so be it

cigarettesNalcohol · 01/04/2022 18:59

It's weird but not worth complaining about it. Next time, if someone interferes with your parenting, tell them to take a hike and mind their own business.

GabriellaMontez · 01/04/2022 19:00

There used to be a saying that it takes a village to raise a child

There is. It infers support and positivity.

Not tapping and strangling actions.

S4M3 · 01/04/2022 19:00

A stranger Tapping my toddler? Making a strangling signal?

Hell no. I don’t care if toddler’s head was spinning around in rage. Totally inappropriate.

Why be passive aggressive- just sternly say “Do NOT touch my child” and leave your mum to pay. Your toddler can scream Nanny from outside- so what. Let her scream.

But this would make me angry, yes.

Grimed · 01/04/2022 19:00

@Booboobibles

I honestly can’t believe some of these comments!!! What the actual fuck!!
So true, OP did not ask for advice for how to deal with her own child she asked about the woman who was clearly behaving oddly. All these perfect parents here who's children are never loud in public 😂
ThatsBullshirt · 01/04/2022 19:01

I think I would just leave it and never return to the shop to be completely honest. I can understand a child having a tantrum can be a lot to have to listen to/deal with when it's not yours but it's not okay at all that she touched your child or made a "strangling" gesture behind your back. I'd be upset and angry about a stranger touching my child when I was at least trying to calm/console them. There is no way I'd be okay with that. Granted, I'd probably have also just left the shop the moment any comment was made because I don't like confrontation at all.

S4M3 · 01/04/2022 19:02

@MrsLargeEmbodied

think about the shop keeper? perhaps she herself has sensory issues? perhaps she is old school so be it
Perhaps she should be told not to tap unknown toddlers and make strangling signals to them. No matter what school she is from.

Other screaming toddlers will go into that charity shop.

Nelliephant1 · 01/04/2022 19:02

Why on earth would would you complain?? Honestly!!!

Pumperthepumper · 01/04/2022 19:02

I would have been really angry at her touching my kid too. That’s unacceptable.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 01/04/2022 19:04

so much indignation
let it go op.

WiddlinDiddlin · 01/04/2022 19:05

Why didn't you tell her not to do that then?

She sounds like she's a bit old school and a bit used to overstepping boundaries/not clear where boundaries are.

Lots of people volunteer in charity shops and not all will be as professional as a paid retail worker. It is often not their skill-set and I've also been in a few who have volunteers with learning difficulties/social difficulties who can be a bit unclear where boundaries lie..

Just advocate for your daughter better in future, say 'Thankyou but we'll deal with this' and remove her from the shop!

MarbleQueen · 01/04/2022 19:07

The volunteer was inappropriate and the strangling motion was too.

On the other hand you were inappropriate too by not removing her and trying to reason with her the way you did. I’d have scooped her up and took her outside, tough if she doesn’t like it.

It’s awful listening to these tantrums while parents do nothing. Are you afraid of being judged if you are firm with her?

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 01/04/2022 19:07

It sounds like she was trying to help in her own convoluted way but actually doing the reverse.
I work in a big supermarket and when I’m on the shop floor if there’s a toddler kicking off I tend to smile and say ‘Oh honey I know how you feel, I might just join you.’ Sometimes it stops them in their tracks because there’s a new person talking to them and it kind of jolts them out of their tantrum. Even if it doesn’t it usually makes the parent smile.

Regularsizedrudy · 01/04/2022 19:08

This is a none event

MrsLargeEmbodied · 01/04/2022 19:08

an old lady told my three off, when they were being difficult, she was very strict,
i didnt come here and complain, but i remember it vividly

JustALittleHelpPlease · 01/04/2022 19:11

How did your mum join the queue of an empty shop?

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