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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To he appalled at this experience today

361 replies

User199999 · 01/04/2022 18:23

Hi.

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable but it is a genuine experience from today.

Myself, my mum and my DD went to a local charity shop which we have visited many times. My DD sometimes can have tantrums whilst out in shops, just normal toddler tantrums. Whilst in there my DD got a bit upset and kicked off a bit and was crying/throwing herself around. I knelt down and tried to calm her down. Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock. She then pointed her finger right in DDs face like she was telling her off. I walked off with DD so I didn’t see this but my mum said the shop keeper pulled a really angry face and did a ‘strangling motion’ behind mine and DDs back. DD then got upset again and I picked her up to try and calm her but she got more upset. The Shop keeper said ‘I think she wants to be put down, doesn’t she’ in a really stern manner, like she was trying too belittle me.

My mum wanted to purchase something so we went to the que and when was getting served o said to DD ‘you’re tired arnt you’re and the shop keeper said ‘yes, I understand she wasn’t doing anything wrong but I’m very old fashioned’. I think this was very inappropriate. What are peoples opinions please.

OP posts:
SofiaSoFar · 01/04/2022 19:24

Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock.

You were in shock?

Okay...

AnIconOfImperfections · 01/04/2022 19:24

@WonderfulYou

No doubt the majority of perfect parents posters here are the ones who stand and gawp while mums struggle. All it takes is a bit of kindness and understanding.

Which is why the lady tried to be helpful instead of just standing there doing nothing - yet OP is on here complaining about it and someone could easily have complained and got her fired - you can’t do anything right.

Helpful?

😂

She made the situation far, far worse Confused

Sofiegiraffe · 01/04/2022 19:24

@AnIconOfImperfections

Such odd, appropriate and frankly, nasty behaviour for the shop assistant. Making a ‘strangling’ gesture behind your back, aggressively tapping your daughter, sticking her ore in massively where it didn’t belong. It makes me wonder if the woman has some MH issues as her behaviour was so out of line.

Ignore the usual MN contrarians that will argue that black is white. You experienced some v strange and disturbing behaviour today.

Agreed.

And the "I think she wants to be put down doesn't she" comment! So patronising and inappropriate. Imagine telling a complete stranger how to parent their own child. Bizarre.

DameMargaretofChalfont · 01/04/2022 19:24

@User199999

Yes I did say to DD that I will take her outside but she kept screaming ‘nanny’ as she didn’t want to go outside whilst my mum stayed in the shop but my mum was buying something
FFS! Your toddler doesn't get to decide whether or not she stays in the shop!!!

You should have parented her better by removing her from the shop whilst the rest of the customers shopped in peace!!

BIWI · 01/04/2022 19:25

Not sure I have enough Biscuit

Sofiegiraffe · 01/04/2022 19:26

@Buttercup54321

You should have taken her out whether she liked it or not. You are the adult not her. Just let it go. Screaming kids arent everyones cup of tea lol

Patronising adults who tell other adults how to parent their children and make strangling gestures at their children aren't everyone's cup of tea, either...

neverlyeverly · 01/04/2022 19:28

I'd leave it. Yes, it was insensitive and unkind, but it was probably someone with little experience of small children, and who knows, she might have problems in her own life that give her a short fuse or make coping with noise difficult.

Fairyliz · 01/04/2022 19:28

I’m a volunteer in a charity shop and yes I’m old Grin.
When people bring toddlers in I try and engage with them (the toddlers) buy smiling, waving and talking to them.
The reason being that I like children in small doses and if the child is engaged with me mum or dad has more time to browse and possibly purchase something.
I think the shop assistant was weird and unhelpful and I’m sorry this has happened, but try to forget about it.

Sofiegiraffe · 01/04/2022 19:29

@MrsLargeEmbodied

you are in the wrong, nobody else wants to hear a tantrum - and nor should they

🤦🏼‍♀️

Margaretmatcher · 01/04/2022 19:29

You should have taken her out side she threw a tantrum twice in the shop I think you should look at your patenting skills. Nobody wants to be shopping and see and hear a tantrum several times

User34352515 · 01/04/2022 19:30

If it had been a real shop with salaried employees, code of conduct, corporate branding then it might be worth mentioning it to management. However a charity shop is really not worth the bother. As many people have mentioned, most volunteers in charity shops usually have their own reasons for being there which are not purely about customer service and the role of working in a shop. Some might be very lonely in old age, others ND or dealing with MH issues and just need an occupation to get them out of the house or have some social contact with other people.

Echoing a few other people, I know one person irl who is very passionate about volunteer work, and genuinely does it well. However everyone closer to her knows she has a very toxic dynamic with her closest family members and basically has no contact to them, which obviously leaves a lot of time to fill with volunteer work.

Sofiegiraffe · 01/04/2022 19:32

All this "nobody wants to hear a tantrum" business. Ffs - sometimes that's what toddlers do! If OP had taken her DD outside she would have been having a tantrum in the street, for passers by to witness. What about the poor passers by? God forbid they pass a toddler being... well, a toddler. 🙄

fetchacloth · 01/04/2022 19:33

@BIWI

Leave off with the ageism *@fetchacloth*
No need for age discrimination @BIWI
uptonogoode · 01/04/2022 19:33

Why didn't you remove her from the shop? You're the adult here not her!!

Ladybyrd · 01/04/2022 19:33

"Are you usually this rude? Come on DD, let's go."

Life is too short.

Livelovebehappy · 01/04/2022 19:35

Don’t get why you say the experience was ‘unbelievable’. I thought you were going to say something really dramatic happened, like the shopkeeper picked her up and threw her outside onto the pavement or something. Older people used to parent a lot different back in the day. What she did wouldn’t have looked out of place 30 years ago. I definitely wouldn’t have got worked up about it. Next time it happens just pick her up and walk out of the shop, which is what I would have thought you would do the minute you felt uncomfortable with the shopkeeper, rather than hanging around to get further worked up.

BoodleBug51 · 01/04/2022 19:35

Nobody wants to hear a screaming kid when they're shopping.

Maybe you need to consider the people around you instead of indulging your DD in her tantrums.....................

MrsLargeEmbodied · 01/04/2022 19:35

@Sofiegiraffe
the idea of taking the toddler outside is to stop the tantrum
not to let rip!

MerryMarigold · 01/04/2022 19:35

Does this situation really require a name change? 😂

TheyCallMeJune · 01/04/2022 19:36

Why on earth didn't you say anything to her? I'd have told her not to touch my child, that my child's tantrums were none of her business and would have pulled her up big time about the 'strangling' thing.

MrsMiddleMother · 01/04/2022 19:36

I would have told her not to touch my, she's a toddler and she's upset it happens. Then taken her outside. But if I was your mum I also would have left and gone with you knowing dd wanted to be with her but that's just me.

Grimed · 01/04/2022 19:37

OP I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with a bunch of perfect parents who have zero empathy for a mother trying to deal with an upset child and a very strange grown adult. We aren't all judging you.

S4M3 · 01/04/2022 19:37

@AnIconOfImperfections

Such odd, appropriate and frankly, nasty behaviour for the shop assistant. Making a ‘strangling’ gesture behind your back, aggressively tapping your daughter, sticking her ore in massively where it didn’t belong. It makes me wonder if the woman has some MH issues as her behaviour was so out of line.

Ignore the usual MN contrarians that will argue that black is white. You experienced some v strange and disturbing behaviour today.

I agree.

If I was doing something that annoyed someone in public and they firmly tapped me, pointed a finger at me, made strangling gestures towards me, I would not think they were trying to be helpful! I would assume that they were not okay.

I would look at them with incredulity and depending on the situation tell them firmly to leave me alone or leave the situation myself.

But it’s ok because it’s a toddler?

ISpyCobraKai · 01/04/2022 19:37

Your toddler was tantrumming, your Mum was browsing, and you were still in the shop because why?
Who exactly benefited from that?

This is why I avoid children as much as possible, far too many of them have that parent.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 01/04/2022 19:38

@clarrylove

I'd have taken child outside and left your mum to make her purchase.
And told DD that if she wanted to stay with your mum she had to be quiet.