To he appalled at this experience today

[User199999]

Hi.

I understand this sounds quite unbelievable but it is a genuine experience from today.

Myself, my mum and my DD went to a local charity shop which we have visited many times. My DD sometimes can have tantrums whilst out in shops, just normal toddler tantrums. Whilst in there my DD got a bit upset and kicked off a bit and was crying/throwing herself around. I knelt down and tried to calm her down. Next minute the shop keeper came storming over and tapped her a few times on the shoulder from behind saying ‘I think someone’s in a bad mood arnt they’ and got right in her face. I was in shock. She then pointed her finger right in DDs face like she was telling her off. I walked off with DD so I didn’t see this but my mum said the shop keeper pulled a really angry face and did a ‘strangling motion’ behind mine and DDs back. DD then got upset again and I picked her up to try and calm her but she got more upset. The Shop keeper said ‘I think she wants to be put down, doesn’t she’ in a really stern manner, like she was trying too belittle me.

My mum wanted to purchase something so we went to the que and when was getting served o said to DD ‘you’re tired arnt you’re and the shop keeper said ‘yes, I understand she wasn’t doing anything wrong but I’m very old fashioned’. I think this was very inappropriate. What are peoples opinions please.

@ThePlantsitter. Great post. I volunteer in a charity shop and these incidents do crop up, same as in any environment. In my opinion a bit of understanding and compassion goes a long way. We are trying to do our best at the shop and a kind word and a bit of patience goes a long way. Not impressed with the poster who put volunteers working in a charity shop in inverted commas though. There is a lot to do there and not everyone realises how much effort it takes to keep it running.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy - do you like strangers tapping you repeatedly on the shoulder and telling you you’re in a bad mood? Would that make you feel more calm? It’s the action of someone who appears to think your behaviour is entirely controllable and can be instantly switched off - ironic if the person doing the shoulder tapping has reacted in this way because they cannot control their own reactions to sensory overload.

@chiefwiggumsboy I understand how it may seem that way to some people but she came over very quickly and I am not exaggerating when I say that she stormed over and came between myself and my DD. I know I say tapped in my original post but I think it was done more than just to get her attention as she did prod several times and quite hard. Enough to startle my DD and it definitely didn’t help to stop her crying. Also her tone of voice and the way she spoke to myself or DD wasn’t helpful either

Also yes it was definitely a prod on her shoulder as she used just one finger to do it, not her hand

@Attictroll

I would have picked dd up and taken out of the shop for tantrum and weirdness doesn’t matter if your mum was buying something. Your mum could have quickly paid or helped dd calm down outside and returned to pay. Just forget about it but the best thing about toddlers is you can still pick them up and move them and every parent can remember there’s having tantrums

^^ Exactly this but I suspect this post is far too sensible a post for Mumsnet

Except the OP had already accepted umpteen pages ago that she should have taken her toddler out of the shop. Not that she would have had the time before the volunteer initially interfered and exacerbated the situation. Nobody covered themselves in glory with their reactions, but the fact remains the volunteer’s intervention was inappropriate and unhelpful.

@Walkaround

Except the OP had already accepted umpteen pages ago that she should have taken her toddler out of the shop. Not that she would have had the time before the volunteer initially interfered and exacerbated the situation. Nobody covered themselves in glory with their reactions, but the fact remains the volunteer’s intervention was inappropriate and unhelpful.

Er, I was agreeing with you in a way Walkaround. The fact that a sensible solution was agreed upon ages ago, means there is no need for endless discussion and drama about the op apparently not "standing up" for her dd or the volunteer having a potential brain injury.

I'd have taken her out as soon as she started.

As your dd was being so badly behaved I would have removed her to outside. She will learn if she wants to be with Nanny she behaves in a shop or public area. I don't see why shop keeper should be subjected to your dd tantrums especially as you were not disciplining her.

@caringcarer

As your dd was being so badly behaved I would have removed her to outside. She will learn if she wants to be with Nanny she behaves in a shop or public area. I don't see why shop keeper should be subjected to your dd tantrums especially as you were not disciplining her.

This is a very interesting point that no one (in the previous 300+ replies) has thought to point out to the OP. 🙄

This post (like so many others before it for time infinity) needs a good burping - it is repeating on itself.

OP has repeatedly said she would take DD out next time. Its easy to say with hindsight when she thought initially she could easily calm her DD. The shop assistant sounds bonkers and my DC never liked strangers getting up in their face or worst of all poking them, speaking harshly to the child and basically interfering in what the OP was trying to do to calm her. If she startled the OP she almost certainly startled the child and so its not surprising that the situation escalated.
All the while the OP's DM continued her browsing and didn't bother to lift a finger to help, even when the child was calling for her.
The OP agrees she needs to remove the DD more quickly in future, that's the end of it. But for all the comments saying that the child irritated the shop assistant - Its not normal to mime child strangling and if the rest of her behaviour was in line with that, she shouldn't be in a customer facing role.