Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

[bananatwain]

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

Yanbu

What qualifications do you have? Would you consider training in IT?

Agreed OP but I’m sorry to hear of your current situation. It’s horrible. My kids schools keep arranging things like fun fairs, cake sales, school trips and contributions to play equipment, pay to dress up days etc etc and it all adds up. Kids don’t get it so I just have to manage somehow - this is without mentioning all the prices going up for petrol and food and bills. I walk to do the majority of my weekly shops in drips and drabs and write down prices in shops I pass so I know where I need to walk to for the best deals. It’s unbelievably upsetting.

Life is bloody stressful/hard work/expensive. Sometimes it does feel like you're on the neverending treadmill. It does go through peaks and troughs though and you might find yourself in a better position

That sounds really stressful having so little left over at the end of the month. Is there any way you can change nurseries for your DS? I remember when DS1 got his 30 free hours we suddenly only had to pay about £200 a month to Nursery.

Do try to go for the promotion at work, you never know!

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle.
For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too.
I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

Didn't you know OP - if you chant, "At least I'm not in Ukraine!" three times while clicking your heels, it instantly warms the house, puts food on the table and a few hundred quid in the bank? Magic!

I agree,it’s an awful time the financial squeeze is very worrying.

Didn't you know OP - if you chant, "At least I'm not in Ukraine!" three times while clicking your heels, it instantly warms the house, puts food on the table and a few hundred quid in the bank? Magic

Brilliant 😆

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

It's a long story but my son was conceived through rape and I wasn't allowed to terminate as my ex threatened to kill me. I now have a restraining order against him, he's not allowed to see our son and he doesn't bother with child maintenance. I'm too scared to ask him for it again as he has quite literally threatened to decapitate me. Notice I didn't mention this in my original post because I hate talking about it and would rather just deal with my current situation. It doesn't change the past and I love my son.

Are you claiming everything you are entitled to claim?

Move to a cheaper area? Claim universal credit to get help with costs?

You are at the most difficult point with a pre school aged child - things will get cheaper.

But I do think it might be of benefit to count your blessings a bit too. You have a roof over your head, a job, free education for your child, free healthcare for both of you, parents who love you enough to help. A peaceful country with benefits. Even a car is a huge luxury that only 50% of adults in this country have. And we are in one of the richest countries in the world. I suggest going to one of the many poorer countries around the world to see how they manage. Or even how poor people in this country lived a few decades ago.

Maybe your living conditions are not what you aspire to but it's a long way from poverty.

I just don't see it changing anytime soon either. The government don't seem to care.

I totally sympathise with you OP. I was in your situation in my 40's and moved back to live with my parents - (the result of divorce). You may not feel it at the moment, but life can change and improve. Nothing stays the same for ever - I hope you get through this difficult time and start to feel better with improved circumstances.

@SnackSizeRaisin

Move to a cheaper area? Claim universal credit to get help with costs?

You are at the most difficult point with a pre school aged child - things will get cheaper.

But I do think it might be of benefit to count your blessings a bit too. You have a roof over your head, a job, free education for your child, free healthcare for both of you, parents who love you enough to help. A peaceful country with benefits. Even a car is a huge luxury that only 50% of adults in this country have. And we are in one of the richest countries in the world. I suggest going to one of the many poorer countries around the world to see how they manage. Or even how poor people in this country lived a few decades ago.

Maybe your living conditions are not what you aspire to but it's a long way from poverty.

I never once said I'm not grateful for the things I do have.

Could you get a flat share with someone else in a similar position?

@bananatwain in fairness I think it’s down to us as individuals to enhance our prospects. Whether you think the current government care or not, they introduced tax free childcare and funded childcare.
There will be cheaper nurseries and other childcare options. You say your son will be at school soon so your costs will go down then.
If you go for promotions or get more qualifications and go for higher paid jobs, your wages will increase.
You’re not paying a mortgage and you don’t mention if you pay rent at market value so you may be better than others in that way.

@FloralsForSpring

Could you get a flat share with someone else in a similar position?

I've tried but it's near impossible. This was something I really wanted to do.

OP PLEASE don’t feel you have to justify your life choices to some random sanctimonious posters or, indeed, to anyone. I assume it makes them feel better to pass casual judgement on other people, but do ignore them.

Sorry to hear how tough everything is for you do go for the promotions, it’s always worth it for the experience and confidence at fielding the process. And well done for keeping on.

And if you move somewhere with good bus routes you won't need a car so it won't matter as much.