Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

[bananatwain]

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

I feel for you OP. Unfortunately, once children come into play, women are very often trapped because of costs and dependency, unless they were in a good set up before those children came along.

How much is your share of the rent? Do your parents work and contribute? Is there a way of moving to a cheaper area?
Nursery is the worst time for childcare financially, I remember well and my kids were born before any of the free hours came in. It does get cheaper when you're just paying before/ after school and holiday care.

Just trying to think creatively here: life is shit for so many right now: our energy bills have just hiked to £340 a month today! It's all quite depressing.

Can you use public transport for work? Car share? Tbh as long as you can get to work, I wouldn't worry about ditching the car; im seriously looking at ways to ditch mine since it started costing £75 to fill the tank.

It does all feel pretty crap, and I weep for my adult children who are suffering all the same price rises and honestly feel they'll never be able to afford children of their own never mind a home

@FloralsForSpring

And if you move somewhere with good bus routes you won't need a car so it won't matter as much.

I live with my parents though I'm not about to move city.

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

You thought “life is pretty shit for a lot of people” was probably a reference to mass slaughter overseas? Like some kind of serious litotes?

Okay then. You’re obviously not at all passive aggressive.

What @MalFunkshun said.

Complaining that life is tough ( it is) does not mean you have to justify your life to anonymous sanctimonious randoms with unfounded superiority complexes.

Have a hug 🤗 it sounds very tough.

I've tried but it's near impossible. This was something I really wanted to do. that's a shame sorry it didn't work out. Keep trying though. There's going to be lots of people in similar positions re rent and bills wanting house shares. Maybe once your childcare bills have stopped.

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

Perhaps you mean well, but the implication of this line of argument is grim. The cost of living crisis in this country is not the fault of individuals or their life choices - it is systemic and it was, to a certain degree, avoidable. Our housing system is broken, our childcare system is broken, wages haven't kept pace with inflation for a long time - certainly not in the public sector (where I work) anyway. Your conclusion appears to be: unless you can keep up with this ever-spiralling economic shitshow and have the magical foresight to know how it'll impact you in the future, you shouldn't have children.

More and more people are getting sucked into this crisis. At what point do we stop putting the blame for the cause and the effects of this on individuals?

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

Ah the good old "always someone worse off than yourself" thing. Fuck off

@RussianSpy101 get off your high horse you twit .

@65honeybee

How much is your share of the rent? Do your parents work and contribute? Is there a way of moving to a cheaper area? Nursery is the worst time for childcare financially, I remember well and my kids were born before any of the free hours came in. It does get cheaper when you're just paying before/ after school and holiday care.

Just trying to think creatively here: life is shit for so many right now: our energy bills have just hiked to £340 a month today! It's all quite depressing.

Can you use public transport for work? Car share? Tbh as long as you can get to work, I wouldn't worry about ditching the car; im seriously looking at ways to ditch mine since it started costing £75 to fill the tank.

It does all feel pretty crap, and I weep for my adult children who are suffering all the same price rises and honestly feel they'll never be able to afford children of their own never mind a home

I drop my son off then walk to work on the days I'm required, it takes 40 mins, then work from home on two other days.

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

While I do agree that many of the contraception fails are probably deliberate, I don't see why some people think that people who live in poverty should not have kids. Children are a joy, they add so much love and happiness to our lives, why should you do without that just because you aren't wealthy? And postponing starting your own family until it's "the right time" isn't necessarily a good idea.

'count your blessungs' is on similar lines to 'be glad you're not in Ukraine'. Slippy skip hurrah, you're breathing. I really don't think the OP wants Pollyanna-ing. Yes OP, it can be pretty shit and I so sorry to read of what you been through. I agree with pp who have suggested looking a every possibly avenue for career advancement and make sure you're e claiming all you can.

@Someonemustknowtheanswer

I feel for you OP. Unfortunately, once children come into play, women are very often trapped because of costs and dependency, unless they were in a good set up before those children came along.

I can see why some women (not you OP) get sucked into the "I need a man" trap and end up with someone unsuitable.

YANBU.

An awful lot of people are intolerably financially squeezed. I think life is a game of chess for the masses now. Looking for the opportunities and trying to just optimise where they can. I feel even more for the next generation.

Your DS starting school will free up a chunk, but I appreciate your housing situation is a long term worry.

Are more professional qualifications a possibility? Are you happy in you industry?

@Dontforgetyourbrolly 😂😂😂👌🏼

I've applied for the promotion BTW I just don't think I'll get it. There were 20 internal applications. We will see

YANBU. It's so tough for people at the moment and it only ever seems to get more difficult. Keep an eye out for a better paying job. The market is great for candidates at the moment so you might have some luck. Look for cheaper childcare if possible, although I know options are usually limited. If you claim universal credit, you can get up to 85% of the costs back and more people qualify than they think they will so it's worth trying. Best of luck OP

I agree op, I think life is a bit shit for a lot of people at the minute. Living in poverty is soul destroying and whilst it is very easy for people to say “make better decisions” sometimes, life happens (relationship breakdown/illness etc) and you end up in a place you never thought you would be. Hopefully, once your son goes to school that will free up some cash for you and you can save a bit more and maybe look at changing jobs for a higher salary. And, for what it’s worth, I don’t think saving £40 is “pathetic” either. The vast majority of people save nothing and you are doing the very best that you can xx

Some people on this thread seem to have had an empathy bypass. Nobody ever knows what is just around the corner in life

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

You only feel able to extend empathy to people who have always made the best possible decisions and have never been let down by others? Is that what you’re saying?

Op I am also worried. I had my own house and career and had one child aged 38.
My ex was financially abusive which started 6 weeks post partum, now I'm bringing up our 8 year old on a single wage juggling full time work while he's trying to sell the house from under me .
So no matter how we got here, you are not alone .
I hate the sanctimonious tone of @RussianSpy101

Oh my goodness OP. You have every right to feel like you do. I don’t think other posters have read your update. You are doing extremely well to be holding down a job and are clearly a loving mum. I am so sorry for what you’ve experienced. Have you had access to counselling? 💐 I actually think you’re super human and I am not sure I could be so together and loving.

Toxic positivity is poisonous superiority wrapped up in a #begrateful message, To the OP: I'm sorry you're feeling so shit about everything. Life feels utterly bleak and relentless and this government has decimated this country's finances for decades. They don't care and what little they are trying to do now is pointless lip service.

@MalFunkshun

OP PLEASE don’t feel you have to justify your life choices to some random sanctimonious posters or, indeed, to anyone. I assume it makes them feel better to pass casual judgement on other people, but do ignore them.

Sorry to hear how tough everything is for you do go for the promotions, it’s always worth it for the experience and confidence at fielding the process. And well done for keeping on.

I think it’s because it’s much easier and more comforting to think ‘I’ll never end up in a difficult position because I’m good and so much cleverer’ than it is to think ‘there but for the grace of God’.

@Thoosa no I didn’t say that. Try reading my post again.