Page 3 | Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

bananatwain · 2022-04-01T05:50:58+00:00

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

Chestnutpony · 01/04/2022 07:27

It's not the cost of living, but inequality of income in a society and lack of basic services in a society that creates misery. Its not GDP (national income) that drives quality of life (above a certain level) it's income equality, and not having a huge gap between rich and poor. This works no matter if the better equality of income is created by taking higher income earners ( nordic countries ) or fairer pay to start with (Japan ).

ComDummings · 01/04/2022 07:30

@Sirzy

Some people on this thread seem to have had an empathy bypass. Nobody ever knows what is just around the corner in life

This^

Original poster

bananatwain · 01/04/2022 07:31

@Clusterduck

Oh my goodness OP. You have every right to feel like you do. I don’t think other posters have read your update. You are doing extremely well to be holding down a job and are clearly a loving mum. I am so sorry for what you’ve experienced. Have you had access to counselling? 💐 I actually think you’re super human and I am not sure I could be so together and loving.

That's really kind. I've had counselling and whilst I do have bad days, I really don't want my past experiences to ruin my life. They're just something that happened and I have done a lot of work to develop my resilience and move forwards. My ex is a sad little man living on his own now with no access to his children. That's all he is. A loser.

OP posts:

duvetdayforeveryone · 01/04/2022 07:32

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

@NutellaEllaElla And the Nastiest Unnecessary Comment goes to...

Chestnutpony · 01/04/2022 07:33

Ie, Spain has a better life expectancy/ well being etc than the UK , despite lower national income, because they have less gap between rich and poor.

Lovemusic33 · 01/04/2022 07:33

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

A bit of a stupid reply.

People in the uk are struggling, people are homeless (some dying on the streets). The rise in living costs of effecting many people and the reality for a lot of people is that they will never afford to have a secure home on a low wage. Some are having to chose between heat and food.

AngelinaFibres · 01/04/2022 07:34

@bananatwain

I've applied for the promotion BTW I just don't think I'll get it. There were 20 internal applications. We will see

Someone will get that job. Do everything you can to give yourself the best chance.x

NotRightNowPlease · 01/04/2022 07:35

I’ve sent you a pm @bananatwain

Original poster

bananatwain · 01/04/2022 07:36

My brother was homeless for a week recently which is nothing compared to some people but he was too proud to ask for help. He now loves with another family member.

OP posts:

Malalaa · 01/04/2022 07:37

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

Oh honestly fuck off.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/04/2022 07:38

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

Essentially you are saying here that the only people who should have children are those who own a home and have enough money to raise a child completely alone in the event of a relationship breakdown. That is impossible for a huge group of people.

nearlyspringyay · 01/04/2022 07:40

What is the acceptable way to be on Mumsnet? Someone with money posts something and gets shouted at for being time dead and to read the room.

Someone struggling gets told she's lucky to but be in Ukraine.

OP £700 on childcare with the 30 hours seems very high. When does he start school, is it this September?

Whelmed · 01/04/2022 07:41

I feel for you OP. We're struggling a lot too, young DC, DH with an illness and limited income. His industry was massively hit by the pandemic and he hasn't been able to recover from that very well and now his health is deteriorating, which is so worrying. Me with enough money to just about cover the bills. I've started a little self employed business to make some more. I really don't feel the government cares at this point. Lots of people struggling. They need to do more to help.

We were a good income couple when we had our first DC, didn't think we'd end up struggling but here we are.

Original poster

bananatwain · 01/04/2022 07:43

@nearlyspringyay

What is the acceptable way to be on Mumsnet? Someone with money posts something and gets shouted at for being time dead and to read the room.

Someone struggling gets told she's lucky to but be in Ukraine.

OP £700 on childcare with the 30 hours seems very high. When does he start school, is it this September?

Not until next year. He goes 5 days a week 8-6 because I can then work two jobs as I have another job I go to on two afternoons.

OP posts:

Chasingaftermidnight · 01/04/2022 07:44

Sorry to derail the thread but I’ve noticed this pattern on a few MN threads, particularly ones where a poster is in a difficult situation.

The first few posters to respond to a thread are absolute arseholes. Then more reasonable and empathetic posters turn up.

Why is that? Is it because the arseholes live in their parents’ basements and just sit there refreshing Mumsnet all night, pouncing on any thread where they can tell the OP it’s all her fault?

Malalaa · 01/04/2022 07:45

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP and I completely sympathise. I think the next few years are going to be a struggle for many families/people, especially those on lower incomes.

There are so many comments on this thread that remind me how shit MN is at times.

nearlyspringyay · 01/04/2022 07:45

How much do you earn from the second job, do you make at least £700? If not I'd consider quitting it. Have you checked if you can claim anything?

Sidhdbej · 01/04/2022 07:45

Are you claiming UC?

WonderingWanda · 01/04/2022 07:46

Sorry to hear about all you have been through op. Life does sound really tough for you right now and it's perfectly ok for you to be feeling fed up with it and wanting a bit of sympathy. The years when you are paying for full time childrcare are so expensive. Have you started to look at what wrap around care is available once your kids are at school? It will still be pricey but it might give you a little boost to know how much you will be saving soon!

Joystir59 · 01/04/2022 07:48

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

And just how is you being so judgemental helping?

Alonelonelyloner · 01/04/2022 07:49

It is an utter shitshow I agree. I am so sorry you are going through this. It could be me next. I am always aware that our fortunes are spinning on a die at the moment.
I have been homeless and I have worked a shit tonne of minimum wage jobs and I have been a single mother. It is all epically hard.

What job are you currently doing? I work in IT and I am aware that there are lots of free computer courses out there which can help in retraining.
I am desperate to hire people with skills in IT and it's so hard so this must indicate that there is a skill shortage.
You can do this. This too shall pass. I hear you and I totally get it. Ignore the passive aggression from a couple of people (or one).

Calmdown14 · 01/04/2022 07:50

You are in a bit of a catch 22. If you weren't at your parents then you'd be able to claim more towards your rent and childcare.
Do you want to move out? Is that the aim?

Have you checked that your council don't run any schemes to help you with the deposit?

How many hours do you work in total and what does that bring home? Often two jobs is worse tax wise so a full time position might make more sense even if it's technically less pay, you may find you actually come out with the same.
turntous and the salary calculator are both useful tools. Play around with the figures to at least get an idea of your longer term options.

Child care is a killer but will improve soon

Original poster

bananatwain · 01/04/2022 07:51

@Alonelonelyloner

It is an utter shitshow I agree. I am so sorry you are going through this. It could be me next. I am always aware that our fortunes are spinning on a die at the moment. I have been homeless and I have worked a shit tonne of minimum wage jobs and I have been a single mother. It is all epically hard.

What job are you currently doing? I work in IT and I am aware that there are lots of free computer courses out there which can help in retraining.
I am desperate to hire people with skills in IT and it's so hard so this must indicate that there is a skill shortage.
You can do this. This too shall pass. I hear you and I totally get it. Ignore the passive aggression from a couple of people (or one).

I work in the public sector but in a low paid part time admin role. I've tried so many times to increase my hours but can't as they don't have any budget left.

OP posts:

Original poster

bananatwain · 01/04/2022 07:52

@Calmdown14

You are in a bit of a catch 22. If you weren't at your parents then you'd be able to claim more towards your rent and childcare. Do you want to move out? Is that the aim?

Have you checked that your council don't run any schemes to help you with the deposit?

How many hours do you work in total and what does that bring home? Often two jobs is worse tax wise so a full time position might make more sense even if it's technically less pay, you may find you actually come out with the same.
turntous and the salary calculator are both useful tools. Play around with the figures to at least get an idea of your longer term options.

Child care is a killer but will improve soon

I know my universal credit is low because I live with my parents. Even though I pay them 300 a month then a third of bills. I know this isn't much and yes, am grateful for them...

OP posts:

Thoosa · 01/04/2022 07:52

[quote RussianSpy101]@Thoosa no I didn’t say that. Try reading my post again.[/quote]
It’s pretty much exactly what you were saying.

Which is why so many posters are telling you how unpleasant you are.