Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

[bananatwain]

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

@bananatwain
Just keep doing what you are doing and pursue every opportunity that comes your way. Apply for the promotions - no matter if you don’t get it first time, you will get there. Keep telling your manager that you want to develop and progress. Seek opportunities at work to learn new skills and strengthen your transferable skills. Don’t limit yourself to your existing department - apply for other roles in the same organisation and better paid roles in the area.

What part of the public sector are you in? jobs.nhs.uk and jobs.ac.uk advertise all the NHS and University roles - keep applying for better paid jobs - you will get there!!

Your son and parents get to be close - that’s brilliant and something you wouldn’t have if you lived far away. You have a supportive family and you are at the start of a fantastic journey - you will get better paid jobs and you will be able to afford your own home one day. Don’t rush to move into private rented either - look at shared ownership schemes - that might be a better route in the long term.

I admire your resilience, OP.

@DollyDingleberry

OP your situation sounds incredibly hard.

Can I ask what benefit you’re getting from living with your parents though? If you’re already paying rent and bills to the point where you’re skint and also paying for full time childcare on top of that (£700 on top of 30 free hours is insane - if your son is in childcare 8-6 5 days a week, that’s 50 hours. 30 of those covered by your free hours so that leave 20 hours to pay for - if it’s costing you £700 that means you’re paying £35 AN HOUR?? That can’t be right?) then they’re not helping you with childcare either?

If your parents are charging you market level rent and not helping with childcare then would you not be better moving to a cheaper area? If you really are paying £35 an hour for childcare you must be somewhere insanely expensive, it’s £5 an hour round here for a good childminder and about £8 an hour for nursery.

I get that you get emotional support from parents and if that’s the reason you’re still there then that makes sense, but long term it might make more sense for you to move areas so you can start to save and secure a future for you and your son.

Best of luck, it’s incredibly hard.

30 hours doesn't work like that. You get 24 hours a week and that doesn't cover food on. My bill this month was 695.

Some people here are being very judgemental, and not terribly helpful. Yes, life is shit sometimes and it can be hard to see our way out of it, and that is never helped by being told 'others have it worse'. You sound very low in mood, understandably. Keep going. You're coping just now and that is enough, if your son is fed and warm you're fine, he doesn't care about much else. Your parents are pretty great, too, supporting you the way they are. There are some positives in your life. Go for the promotion, but do you have to stay in the same job at all? Maybe get out there in the jobs market properly and see what else is available. You could investigate to see if there is any way of getting free online training to improve your CV. Try to be proactive because it will help keep you out of that black hole you're sliding in to. Good luck x

YANBU

And ignore some of the dreadful comments you are getting.

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

Not sure how that kind of judgment is meant to help her solve this problem?!

You should applaud yourself for doing your best in what sounds like a bad situation OP. Ignore all of the sanctimonious people on here. I've been in a similar situation myself and its so hard as there never seems to be a way out. Sending you a virtual hug

‘Time dead’ - good one.

Joshing aside, @bananatwain you are doing well, keeping the show the road & doing so much to manage within your tight budget. Most of all, you are a loving thoughtful mum. Understandably when you are squeezed so tight, it’ll feel like it is all too much & what is it all for.

The past couple of years alone has drained many of us dry & now the tottering uncertainties on the global stage darken our lives. These are hard times already & look to harden further.

Do you need your car for essential travel? Can you keep it off road at your parents place to save on insurance, road tax etc until things ease up?

When money is tight, deciding what to keep spending on what to let go can get down to the finest detail & scraping pennies. It is always worth taking another look at routine spending, crawl over bank statements, get online & check out every DD, SO & payments taken from your card just in case something has been overlooked or is not now required. Having a blitz on this may not yield any huge gains,, but it is a process that reinforces that you are in control & strengthening your resilience.

That said, it is important that you have something for yourself, however small to reward yourself for doing your best day in, day out.

You have a date when things will change. Yes it is 18m away & that’s a stretch, but you have insight, resilience, your child & your parents helping you out with a place to stay for now. You have a lot to look forward to & you can get through this.

OP I am sorry to hear just how tough things are for you. It sounds really difficult, and very dispiriting to live through every day.

Like another poster said I have never known a time when everything seems so fragile in society. I too am hopeful that it cannot break much more but that out of this badness of this government we will seek change for the better. I hold onto that hope.

I think you are doing an awful lot to give your son and yourself the best you can right now. Please do hold onto that, as it’s such an achievement.

I am in the NHS (30 years) and can share some tips over DM re promotion and how to get yourself in the best place you can if it’s helpful.

Sounds tough op but you can change your situation. You’re in a low paid part time job and have a second job for afternoons. Could you instead take on a second job in the evenings and your parents look after your son on the evenings you work? That would hugely cut down nursery costs.

Look at alternative nurseries or childminders to see if they would be cheaper. £700 after the 30 free hours sounds expensive.

You may find you would be better off living in your own. On a low wage you’d get housing benefit and they may pay the majority of your childcare fees. Get a full benefits assessment done.

There is no reason why you can’t get a promotion at work. Someone has to get it, why not you. Make sure you raise your profile at work, get all the experience and shadowing you can for the higher role. Do extra learning in your own time, volunteer for things and make it known you say yes. Be the person people come to for advice and Mentor others.

@bananatwain it’s temporary, it will get better. Once he’s in school, there will be less childcare to pay, on a practical level.
Having 2 jobs now means that once he starts school you can drop an afternoon and provide childcare for both yours and perhaps somebody else’s, you could take turns?
You come across as strong and practical and intelligent in your posts, that’s more precious than money, people like you succeed, they have the grit it takes.
There is no greater intrinsic motivation than autonomy, which is what you are after. You got this.

What is your ultimate goal ? A mortgaged property ? It is not a sign of achievement.

You are not doing shit. There is nothing wrong in being with family at this vulnerable time in your life . You have escaped from a horrible relationship which is brave. And your child is obviously quite young too , so both of you being with supportive parents can be seen as a good thing for you both.

You too are young enough to go further with your career . Take advantage of every opportunity available.

This situation won't last forever. Your childcare costs will go down . You have the potential to earn more eventually.
Give yourself some credit . You are doing OK at the moment. Living safely , working and you are saving a bit . The future is uncertain for so many people and you are not alone .

I find it fascinating how some English people have this mentality of put up and shut up rather than burning outrage at the terrible conditions and pressure some of our fellow countrymen are living under. It's like they have drank the government kool aid and we should all feel jolly grateful that we aren't out starving on the streets. Yes, we are one of the wealthiest countries in the world, which is why it's absolutely outrageous that many people are having to rely on food banks to feed their children, don't have beds or furniture, are having to borrow money from loan sharks or unscrupulous pay day lenders just to pay their gas bill etc etc

OP I don't have the answer for you, but hang in there. Many people are in the same boat, it will get better as your child gets older but I know the next year will be a struggle. Xx

Things will get better, I remember being absolutely skint when Dds were preschool, it’s a really hard time.

What about if you made a plan for the 12 months after Ds starts school. You’ll be £700 better off a year, could you save £600 of that for a year, then make it your aim to get a better paid job, which hopefully will mean you can rent something and you’d have saved a deposit.

Also have you checked to see what UC you’d be entitled to if you did move out and rent? You’d surely be entitled to more help.

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

Wow.

Hi you must feel trapped right now but usually get easier once children get a bit older and things can get better

Not that helpful sorry just speaking from my own experience, was always broke when the children were nursery age but every situation can change :)

£700 a Month* better off

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

What an absolutely horrible thing to say.

I’m an academic at university doing research on energy poverty. I was at a focus group at the weekend and local residents were telling me that people who use food banks are requesting food that doesn’t require heating or only microwaving because they can’t afford to put their cooker on. It’s a dire situation to be in.

The solution to this crisis would be for the government to lower the energy tariffs and let energy companies fold, and then nationalise energy so we’re all on the same tariff. The October increase just isn’t sustainable for the majority of people in this country. It’s also political suicide.

Yes it is. Good luck OP.

Yanbu OP.

DH works full time and is on just under £26k. I can't work due to ill health (but not ill enough, apparently, to qualify for any benefits, despite being unable to walk some days).

We've never been on holiday and likely never will. We can't afford a car. We live in a council flat and would love to move but that's a pipe dream too - we'll never be able to buy somewhere.

The price increases will cripple us.

If you're in an area with local elections next month, you need to think about using your vote to register your views on this. Remember all those billions that went on contracts for Tory friends and donors?

I would look carefully at your income from both jobs and see if you can juggle your hours. Would you be better doing the LA job over 3 longer days, maximising the childcare on those days and binning off the other part-time job? It would save you 2 days if childcare. Could you then work in the evenings and ask your parents to babysit?

You’re doing so well.

Agree with the careers advice from previous posters. A better paid full time office job would seem a great aim and something you’re well capable of.

Good luck

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

Nasty. With such an absence of empathy do you have any friends?

OP, sorry things are so rubbish. The government don’t care. We need to get them out. Wealth redistribution is the only answer.

@Balalarama

I find it fascinating how some English people have this mentality of put up and shut up rather than burning outrage at the terrible conditions and pressure some of our fellow countrymen are living under. It's like they have drank the government kool aid and we should all feel jolly grateful that we aren't out starving on the streets. Yes, we are one of the wealthiest countries in the world, which is why it's absolutely outrageous that many people are having to rely on food banks to feed their children, don't have beds or furniture, are having to borrow money from loan sharks or unscrupulous pay day lenders just to pay their gas bill etc etc

OP I don't have the answer for you, but hang in there. Many people are in the same boat, it will get better as your child gets older but I know the next year will be a struggle. Xx

Absolutely.

OP I hope things get easier for you. Your son is lucky to have such a lovely mum.