Life is pretty shit for a lot of people

[bananatwain]

On a low wage. Living with parents. Paying £700 a month on childcare even with 30 free hours. Might have to get rid of my car. I have a strict budget and don't buy unnecessary junk. Will likely never be able to afford a house. Rent and bills extortionate and no prospect of me moving out any time soon. If I was renting I'd be screwed. Trying to get promoted at work but cost of living has driven job applications sky high so too competitive. I just wonder what the point is sometimes. I'm so worried about the future and money. Son going to school will help but I'm left with almost £40 which I pathetically save at the moment and £700 definitely won't cover rent and bills. Its actually making me unwell to think about... Anyone else?

No practical advice, OP, but I feel for you and all the people in this position. I hope things get better for you. You should certainly feel entitled to vent. Surely that's what MN is for.

@MalFunkshun

OP PLEASE don’t feel you have to justify your life choices to some random sanctimonious posters or, indeed, to anyone. I assume it makes them feel better to pass casual judgement on other people, but do ignore them.

Sorry to hear how tough everything is for you do go for the promotions, it’s always worth it for the experience and confidence at fielding the process. And well done for keeping on.

Completely agree with this. We all make judgements, it's just human nature, but I never realised how much I did it until I had a baby! It can be so hard and lonely these days. My advice is please don't loose faith. Things change all the time and they can get better. It sounds like you have been through a horrible situation already with your ex and you probably have an emotional hang over from this. Find someone you can speak to honestly about everything. They may not offer any useful advice but at least you can vent. Also, writing your feelings down on a daily basis (maybe before bed or when you're feeling particularly bad) can help you see things in a more balanced way and move forward. Hope this helps in some small way. Love to you ❤

As others have said, nursery costs are a real drain for you at the moment and that will get better when your son goes to school. Is it worth applying for a council property on the assumption that it will take a while before you are offered anything? As others have said, you would be entitled to more in benefits if you lived on your own.

It's really hard with work because so many jobs are at a similar level in terms of pay. Are there any courses you could do that would help with promotion prospects? There are a lot of part time courses that are increasingly delivered online so you could do them in the evenings.
Depending on the course, you could qualify for a loan and there are concessionary fees for people on benefits. Mind you, I would find it hard to study in the evening after working full time and putting a child to bed. Do you have any craft skills that you could use to set up an Etsy shop or something that could be done at home?

It's really hard to think about the future. I am old enough to remember the 1970s and 1980s but this seems harder to me. However, things will get better. It's just unfair that we are one of the most expensive countries in the world for child care and we have so much income inequality.

I agree with other posters that you are doing so well managing to bring up your son and do two jobs.

@SnackSizeRaisin
"Move to a cheaper area? Claim universal credit to get help with costs?"

How does the OP get the £thousands to move? UC isn't just handed out to give people enough money to live on. The government deliberately tailored the benefit system to be punitive. It doesn't matter how rich our country is if we have a government who refuse to fund services, do something about poverty and increase the living standards of its people.

That sounds incredibly hard OP. I think I were in your shoes I'd look at trying to increase your income even if it's just treat money to make life a little sweeter.

Your main job, you've applied for a promotion which is great but also try to apply for additional training etc. The public sector may be able to help with that. Make it constantly clear to your managers you are trying to improve yourself and your prospects, you are smart and capable, hard working and motivated and you'll take any opportunities with both hands. You never know what might come your way.

Is there any additional work that might be better paid? I don't know what you are paid but cleaners, nannies and babysitters are very very sought after here and charge £10 - £15 per hour. Nannying might also allow you to take your son with you? Just an idea.

There are £10 per day threads on here which are interesting, filling in surveys etc.

Do you have anything you can sell on Vinted etc? I've been selling my kids old clothes and although you don't get a lot for them I've then put that towards new (second hand) bits for them.

I appreciate you're probably already worked go the bone and exhausted so it may not be appealing but realistically the cost of living isn't going to go down at all so your income needs to go up.

Good luck. I can't believe what you've been through and that you're still going.

@bananatwain

I just don't see it changing anytime soon either. The government don't seem to care.

But what do you want the government to actually do for you?

I feel you... DH doing 48hrs a week, I am with looooong sick note, still trying to do some extra jobs-cleaning, ironing,etc.
We can't afford mortgage, car or holidays. I couldn't even afford gas and electricity bills this month, paid less. It makes me feel sick every single morning as soon as I'm awake....

Ok, but that would still mean you’re paying £30 an hour (incl food) which is still WAY expensive. As I said, I’m in Staffordshire and childcare here is between £5-£8 an hour. Even our mega pricey, ‘posh’ nursery up here is £16 an hour and that includes all meals.

I don’t mean to sound as blunt as this is going to, but with MASSIVE amounts of kindness: grab your bootstraps and bloody PULL.

I absolutely agree with you that things are incredibly tough right now, but there are solutions for you that would help improve your quality of life for both you and your son that you shouldn’t right off immediately as being out of the question. You’re in a rut right now which is really tough to get out of mentally.

Whenever your brain says ‘I couldn’t possibly do that’ - ask it why. What are the real life barriers stopping you from moving to a cheaper area? What’s stopping you checking you’re claiming everything you can? Can you get on a council waiting list for housing in a less competitive area? If not, why not? And on and on it goes.

You don’t want to hear this so I won’t bore you with the details but I was you not even that long ago. One thing I learned is that money will always always always be a barrier. You will never have enough and even when you have more than you do right now, you’ll still feel skint. It’s about what you do with the little you have that actually improves your life. Think longer term (which is so hard when you’re living moment to moment) and figure out your path to what you really want.

It sounds to me like you want your own space more than anything by how much you mention living with your parents. If that’s the primary target right now, then focus on that and get planning on how you get there. Council waiting lists, start looking at cheaper areas, ask for local knowledge on mumsnet once you settle on a general area, they were brilliant when I did the same.

You have got this, you just need to get yourself thinking that it’s possible.

Government- at least there should be some actions against rising prices for gas and electricity. Honestly,do you think it's ok when family working full-time must switch off heating because they can't afford it?
Not everyone can be promoted or get well paid job, this country still needs cleaners, drivers,etc.

Ok, but that would still mean you’re paying £30 an hour (incl food) which is still WAY expensive. As I said, I’m in Staffordshire and childcare here is between £5-£8 an hour. Even our mega pricey, ‘posh’ nursery up here is £16 an hour and that includes all meals.

No she's not. 30 hours stretched over the year- 24 hours free per week. 50-24 = 26. 26 x 4 = 104 hours per month. £700/104 is £6.73 per hour, or a bit less per hour with meals on top.

Are you claiming everything you can? UC help with childcare costs etc.

Also with UC there is often a sweet spot of working with children. I'm better off doing 30 hours a week than I am 40 as it saves on commuting/ childcare costs as by the time I pay these I'm only a few quid up then I need to pay increased council tax. I work 3 long days.

#SaxendaSummer I want financial policies that mean that housing (a basic need,) is affordable. I want nursery costs better subsidised. And I want minimum wage be one that you can actually live on.

You have the perfect attitude towards your ex. That tells me that you are grounded strong and resilient.

Best wishes for the promotion. Can I suggest that you prepare hard for the interview stage? You could start a separate thread asking for tips. Practice answers to common questions. Come up with scenario answers and a list of questions that you can ask them. There are YouTube videos that have tips and tricks. Remember they want you to succeed at the interview because they want a good candidate. Even if you don’t get that job all this will help you apply for others.

Do you have any particular career ambitions?? IT has been suggested. I’d also like to suggest book keeping. If you got some qualifications you could work a few hours as a side hustle from home.

In your shoes I’d have a good think about some kind of further study towards a career that interests you and get some information about what you can do to achieve that.
Good luck for the promotion - will be thinking of you.

@RussianSpy101

I wouldn’t be able to vote on this as I am split. Whilst I know things happen and change, there are obviously choices that lead to circumstances and the choices made affect the outcomes and quality of lifestyle. For example, did you already have your own house before getting pregnant? Was your career stable? I appreciate relationships can break down, jobs can be lost, illness and disabilities may affect careers and relationships which more often than not can lead to the woman being the one left struggling financially but there are other factors to consider too. I’ve seen many times on here that babies weren’t planned, but we all know how babies are made and we all know how to prevent that happening. Im not always sure I believe the amount of “contraception fails” that seem to occur.

This is bullshit and so judgemental. Ignore this OP

I’m laughing at the idea that things will get easier when the child goes to school, no it won’t, you are more trapped by the hours that you can and can’t work, you have less child care less provision in the school holidays.

And then when the child leaves home (or comes of an age the government decides they no longer require support), all the associated top ups that come with it get pulled that’s pretty much game over for you a single female unless you’re earning very good money and you’ve cleared your mortgage which you’ve probably never been able to get because you’ve needed top ups just to rent.

A lot of people truly are in terrible situations and if they don’t partner open their young and pretty quite frankly they’re fucked.

She's not paying £35 an hour, she's paying £8.75 an hour, based on 50 hours a week at childcare. İt's 30 free hours per week, and £700 per month.
İt still seems expensive though compared to other nurseries, but if the LO is going to school soon it's not really worth changing at the last minute when all nursery friends will be going off to school together.
I agree you can move out of your parents' house and be on UC. You might be entitled to UC now as you're contributing to the rent. Councils do a rent deposit scheme. Does your LO have their own bedroom at your parents'? İf you're classed as overcrowded you can get on the council housing list when your LO turns five.
Keep looking for the house share though, you never know. More people might be turning that way with the rising costs. And focus on things that bring you joy that don't cost money. You don't need a big house and a mortgage to find happiness.

I find it fascinating how some English people have this mentality of put up and shut up rather than burning outrage at the terrible conditions and pressure some of our fellow countrymen are living under. It's like they have drank the government kool aid and we should all feel jolly grateful that we aren't out starving on the streets. Yes, we are one of the wealthiest countries in the world, which is why it's absolutely outrageous that many people are having to rely on food banks to feed their children, don't have beds or furniture, are having to borrow money from loan sharks or unscrupulous pay day lenders just to pay their gas bill etc

Absolutely this. I’m saddened but not all that surprised by the callousness of some posters on this thread. So many people in this country still seem to subscribe to the Victorian worldview of ‘The rich man in his castle/The poor man at his gate’ - thinking that the status quo can’t be changed and we should each be grateful for our lot.

OP I’m sorry you find yourself in such a challenging position. The recent rapid rise in living costs will be the straw that broke the camel’s back for millions of people who just about managed to ride out Brexit and the pandemic. Meanwhile our government seems completely uninterested in mitigating the situation for the most vulnerable in society. On Newsnight last night the representative from a food bank said that they’re increasingly seeing teachers and nurses walking for miles to find food. I can’t see that as anything other than the sign of a broken society.

As PPs have said I think your best best is investigating the possibility of a single full time job rather than all the juggling you’re having to do. Nursery fees are a killer (and, again, something our government refuses to do anything about) but if you can just hold out until your DC starts school things should start to improve. Good luck with it all.

So sorry that you're going through this op, it's shit atm so you're not wrong there.

On a practical note, lots of colleges offer free online professional development courses. Can you do one online on your own time to develop your skills and make you more qualified for a promotion.

www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

www.jobs.ac.uk/search/administrative
University admin jobs pay OK, have a look at the link above. Is there a university in your local area?

www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi

Don't just rely on the promotion, proactively look for jobs in other sectors. Remember administration skills are hugely transferable. This opens up different sectors to you so broaden your horizons.

Honestly, I know a flat share seems appealing but if money's tight it's worth sticking around with your folks. For starters you'd have to seriously mess up in order to get evicted, landlords aren't that forgiving.

As for money woes, I feel you completely, I'm not looking forward to when my LO starts in school because of all the "oh we need a new....I dunno, fkin Tassimo for the staff room so we're having an everybody pays 2 pound to come to school day" days, but I'm just hoping things will be looking up financially by then.

One thing that's been actually kinda fun, and a bit of a money saver, is growing my own fruit and veg. Nothing fancy, just the kind of stuff that goes in everything, like spuds and stuff, and it's easy. Plant a potato in a big pot and 10 weeks later, boom potatoes :D also make your own bread. It takes ages but for the price of one loaf of warbies you can probably make bout 6 loaves of bread.

Just keep on keeping on, your roof is safe over your head and it's gonna get cheaper eventually. You could even try entering competitions and selling what you win on eBay or something

@NutellaEllaElla

When I saw the thread title I thought it might be about Ukraine or some 3rd world country tbh.

Right so people can only be having a shit time if they live in a war zone and everyone else should count themselves lucky? What a fucking stupid comment.

You have my complete sympathy, you are working you should be able to afford to live even on min wage. This country is all wrong, the min wage doesn't support the cost of living and there should be more help to be able to afford childcare so you can work. I feel angry for you.

The person who said they thought this was about the Ukraine, yes they are currently at war and many people are displaced, that doesn't mean that people in our own country (I'm assuming you are uk) aren't struggling just to live. If anything the Ukraine provides a smoke screen for the government to divert attention away from our cost of living crisis.

Op you have every sympathy, maybe looking at retraining in a different sector (eg IT) could be an option, opportunities to train from home (around work and kids) and salaries usually jump up quickly.

oh we need a new....I dunno, fkin Tassimo for the staff room so we're having an everybody pays 2 pound to come to school day

@hangrylady I wonder if that works for Ukrainians - they could say 'oh well at least I don't live in .... Rwanda' or somewhere and suddenly their situation would improve! We might on to something here lmao

Look at what you have coming in. Are you entitled to anything else? Can you increase your wage.
Do you have a log of everything you spend. What can you cut back on?
Do you have debts that you're paying off that you could resolve?
Look for the bread and butter project or similar for food. It's a great scheme.
Child maintenance if you're not with your child's father.?

If you aren’t already, make sure you are using the tax free childcare scheme.

www.gov.uk/get-tax-free-childcare

This should help to reduce the cost of the nursery payments. Most people are eligible for this.