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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’m not a fucking kid?!

208 replies

WildEwe56789 · 30/03/2022 11:36

So my dads sister who is my auntie constantly refers to me as a kid or a child.

For context I’m 25 years old, I have a high flying job where I travel the world for it, I have my own house with a mortgage, I own my own car outright and I also have a dog. According to my auntie she still considers me a child/kid because I don’t have a boyfriend and or children which is something I do not want.

It really really frustrates me when she says it, she also constantly says I have no life experience or any grasp on how the world works Confused I have no idea where she’s got that opinion from because some of the countries I’ve travelled to for work are very eye opening…

She is a very bitter woman and she even admits that herself but I sat to her that doesn’t mean she can take it out on me. I no longer speak to her but she always ask my dad about me.

OP posts:
Palavah · 30/03/2022 11:38

Don't attach so much importance to what she says.

You could ignore - she may stop if she doesn't get a reaction

You could shrug and say 'yes it's tough paying a mortgage and holding down a full time job as a child'.

ComDummings · 30/03/2022 11:40

I honestly would not care to be honest, ignore her. You already know she’s bitter and not nice; you don’t even speak to her. Stop giving her any headspace.

womaninatightspot · 30/03/2022 11:41

I think it's best to ask your Dad not to tell you whether he has talked to his sister about you. Since you don't talk to her yourself it sh ould be enough. I'm really not interested in X whenever the conversation crops up.

BrioNotBiro · 30/03/2022 11:41

My parents and their siblings refer to my brothers and my cousins as 'the kids', and we are all twice your age! Grin

PineappleRingo · 30/03/2022 11:43

My Nan calls us kids and we are married with kids Grin she calls them grandkids

Will await the backstory that will make your post make more sense as I can’t understand why it would many someone so angry

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 30/03/2022 11:47

Why do you care so much about what she thinks?

melj1213 · 30/03/2022 11:49

At 32 I'm one of the oldest of my cousins (we range in age from 38 down to 14 are variously married/single/divorced and have many children of our own) and we are still "the kids" when my parents/aunt's and uncles are talking about us.

It is slightly annoying when they're all like "You kids don't know how easy you have it these days" when talking to the older ones who are all well into adulthood when we complain about work/kids/money etc but otherwise it really doesn't bother me.

StEval · 30/03/2022 11:51

@WildEwe56789

So my dads sister who is my auntie constantly refers to me as a kid or a child.

For context I’m 25 years old, I have a high flying job where I travel the world for it, I have my own house with a mortgage, I own my own car outright and I also have a dog. According to my auntie she still considers me a child/kid because I don’t have a boyfriend and or children which is something I do not want.

It really really frustrates me when she says it, she also constantly says I have no life experience or any grasp on how the world works Confused I have no idea where she’s got that opinion from because some of the countries I’ve travelled to for work are very eye opening…

She is a very bitter woman and she even admits that herself but I sat to her that doesn’t mean she can take it out on me. I no longer speak to her but she always ask my dad about me.

My parents were like this. Its demeaning behaviour, as an adult in my 30s, DH, 2 DC, lovely home they took great delight in talking about me as a child, not nice things, nasty stuff like how I wet myself age 3. Hmm Always in front of others at a social gathering She probably has low self esteem and so needs to put down, to make herself feel better. Mine didnt ever mention my career, house , achievements , just sneering put downs. NC and its great. Just grey rock her. Avoid meet ups and dont react.
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/03/2022 11:53

My Mum sometimes refers to my brothers and I as “you three children”. I’m 43!

I think saying “kids” itself is not big deal but the saying you have no understanding of anything would be annoying.

I’d ask your dad not to repeat what she says to you, and otherwise ignore!

Fairyliz · 30/03/2022 11:54

Doesn’t the kids just mean the generation below you?
My ‘kids’ are all adults now with jobs, cars, mortgages but I still call them the kids when I am talking to DH.
We also call in laws the parents even thought we are obviously also parents. Surely it’s just shorthand for who you are talking about?

TopCatsTopHat · 30/03/2022 11:59

I'm 45 and have only recently, just about, stopped being treated as a bit dim in account of being junior in years by my ILs, some people are just slow to catch on, it creates a gulf in the relationship because of the lack of mutual respect and understanding, but that's her choice, a shame, but you can't change her outlook for her.

TopCatsTopHat · 30/03/2022 12:01

It's not her terminology it's the frequent stating she thinks you're clueless that's annoying. But if you never speak to her how do you know?

Bootothegoose · 30/03/2022 12:01

My relative once referred to me as 'a lovely little girl'.

I was stood there with my two children and husband. I think certain people have to infantilise the younger generations as a stance of power. It's nothing personal.

Wedonttalkaboutrats · 30/03/2022 12:05

Dare I say that you’re possibly being a tiny bit immature by being so upset about it?
I’m always referred to as one of the kids by my parents and their generation. I’m in my 40s. I do have less life experience than them. I’m not bothered at all by it because I’m old enough to know it’s just a generational thing.

LBFseBrom · 30/03/2022 12:14

You have a high flying job where you travel the world for it ? :-)

Good for you.

Auntie is a twit to say such stupid things to anyone, especially someone as young as you, by which I mean a young woman, certainly not a kid.

Enjoy your single life and ignore her. She knows not of what she speaks and should mind her own business.

SucculentChalice · 30/03/2022 12:14

My DP's parents are like this, to both of us but more so me. Its actually they who have very limited life experience. They don't understand the value of careers or the modern world of work, and think you can just walk into an easy, well paid job for life with no qualifications like they did.

Gonnagetgoing · 30/03/2022 12:14

Honestly ignore her!

I had my auntie (mum's older half sister) ask me when I was in my early 20s and a funeral (FFS!) when I was getting married as I should be by then - in 1990/90s. I'd been engaged and broken it off before then anyway.

TulipsGarden · 30/03/2022 12:15

25 is really, really young though. You may have more life experience than other people your age, but it will be a hell of a lot less than someone much older.

Honestly, I knew nothing at 25.

MajesticallyAwkward · 30/03/2022 12:15

You don't speak to her so why is it a problem? Are you more sensitive because she's said it's because you are single/childless and it's a sensitive area for you? Fwiw I would be annoyed if anyone thought that was all I was worth!

My mum still refers to me and db as 'the kids'. If I see old friends of my parents I'm still introduced as my mum/dads kid and I'm in my 30s. It's not an insult in those scenarios, it's generally people who were adults when I was a child and knew me then, more affection than insinuating I'm not an adult (and very much adulty- mortgage, kids, job and all the bills that come with it!).

Selma22 · 30/03/2022 12:15

@Wedonttalkaboutrats

Dare I say that you’re possibly being a tiny bit immature by being so upset about it? I’m always referred to as one of the kids by my parents and their generation. I’m in my 40s. I do have less life experience than them. I’m not bothered at all by it because I’m old enough to know it’s just a generational thing.
This...even when we grow up often the status in family remains.Besides 25 year old would seem like a kid to an older person. Example my grandmother fancies Chris Hemsworth and says ' he is a handsome 'boy' and if she was so and so years younger...etc.
Swayingpalmtrees · 30/03/2022 12:16

Perhaps you feel you are not taken seriously? It is not the term, but maybe a lack of respect you perceive, a lack of recognition for your achievements and maturity

Selma22 · 30/03/2022 12:17

@TulipsGarden

25 is really, really young though. You may have more life experience than other people your age, but it will be a hell of a lot less than someone much older.

Honestly, I knew nothing at 25.

I'm only 8 years older yet I would make so many different choices knowing what I know now
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/03/2022 12:18

My Mum sometimes calls me by my brother's name. Or niece. Or nephew.

Why are you so pissed off? If you think your Auntie is a 'very bitter woman', chances are she's better off without your judgement.

namechangedforthiz · 30/03/2022 12:19

I'm 26 and guess I am still a "kid" compared to my other family members and I still feel very young. I have two kids expecting my third I have mortgage and car but I'm still very young compared to my elders.

I don't think having more responsibilities stops you from being young to other people.

girlmom21 · 30/03/2022 12:20

@TulipsGarden

25 is really, really young though. You may have more life experience than other people your age, but it will be a hell of a lot less than someone much older.

Honestly, I knew nothing at 25.

At 25 I had a lot more life experience than many of my friends in their 30s.