To think I’m not a fucking kid?!

[WildEwe56789]

So my dads sister who is my auntie constantly refers to me as a kid or a child.

For context I’m 25 years old, I have a high flying job where I travel the world for it, I have my own house with a mortgage, I own my own car outright and I also have a dog. According to my auntie she still considers me a child/kid because I don’t have a boyfriend and or children which is something I do not want.

It really really frustrates me when she says it, she also constantly says I have no life experience or any grasp on how the world works I have no idea where she’s got that opinion from because some of the countries I’ve travelled to for work are very eye opening…

She is a very bitter woman and she even admits that herself but I sat to her that doesn’t mean she can take it out on me. I no longer speak to her but she always ask my dad about me.

My dear departed stepfather used to refer to us as "the kids". We were in our fifties at the time.

It sounds annoying but I think youre overreacting a bit

dads sister who is my auntie

Thanks for the clarification kiddo.

@Folks

dads sister who is my auntie

Thanks for the clarification kiddo.

my late Mum always called us the kids and I was the youngest and in my 50's when she died.....but I get it...its not the word, its the attitude....but well....you have gone NC with her so why give her headspace? You know you aren't a child, presumably the people whose opinions you value know you aren't a child, so why is it a big deal for you?

YANBU. I'm double your age with my own children and an older relative always calls me and my partner "kids". It annoys me more than it should.

See also: Constant comments about my driving/parking when were are in the car together; regular advice on things I 'need' to do to my house; stream of parenting tips for my own children.

The same relative also acts all surprised when it's Monday morning and I start getting ready for work.

Relative: "What are you doing today?"
Me: "Working."
Relative: "Oh right."

I'm sure that travelling the world and having a 'high flying' job at 25 makes you feel very mature and confident. You will understand at 35 that you did indeed know nothing!

Just life, OP.

Try to let it wash over you and concentrate on your very important busy life.

I can relate to the treatment here but not to the sense of annoyance or outrage. This sort of stuff is water off a ducks back to me. What other people say is irrelevant since I know who I am. I am the youngest grandchild and despite being in my 30s with multiple post graduate degrees, travel, work experience and life experiences that none of my family could even dream of...I am still the child, the kid, the baby and a host of other infantilising nicknames. I just don't pass any remarks anymore. My family loves me but I will always be the kid to them, I just define myself differently in myself and to others, I don't need them to recognise me. I have a particular uncle(by marriage) who likes making digs that because I work in academia I am still a 'student' and still 'learning' about life...as if I am some naive child. I just ignore it, I know my own worth. With time you get to a point where your own sense of self makes all of this kind behaviour and treatment irrelevant. I actually find it all kind of amusing now, in my own head I just laugh about it while smiling at them. Wasting energy throwing a fit about some words just makes you seem childish while also undercutting the fact that they are chronologically older than you and despite how well you know them you can never know all of their lived experiences and what they feel internally makes them 'wiser' or more 'worldly' than you. Trying to feel or be seen as equal or superior is pointless since everyone has their own subjective idea of maturity and life experiences that accords respect to people. Everyone in life is once an adult and twice a child, so just let it roll off you.

I have a high flying job where I travel the world for it

How literal is this? Are you an air hostess?

Honestly saying that you have a high fly job traveling the world makes you sound like a kid.

But why does what she says bother you so much? I would not care. Just smile and wave, it’s the grown up thing to do.

@thisplaceisweird

I have a high flying job where I travel the world for it

How literal is this? Are you an air hostess?

"flight attendant"

My children are still 'kids' when I speak to the collectively 'come on kids let's go' -- I don't mean that they are childlike but they are still my kids. One is in their 30's and married.

It’s ok I think to refer to young people(e,g next generation ) as your children or kids or child. What else do you cal them ? Using their names isn’t always ok as you would still need to explain the relationship to someone else who didn’t know their names. Similarly referring to them collectively is much easier to say the kids, or the children.
To me it is the same as referring to your mum and dad as your parents. No different . My. Children/kids, your children/kids if they are in their 40s is a completely different meaning than to describe a group of people as childlike/ or below age of 18 by calling them children
Until someone comes up with a suitable phrase to refer to parent child relationship for whatever age I’ll keep referring to my kids as my kids, the kids or whatever. Despite that they are in their late 20s .

However it is different than someone making personal comments to the “child” implying they are immature.

You need to learn to 'smile and wave'.

Unless someone is a big feature in your life just let these things roll off your back.

I remember I was the first in my family to go to uni and my auntie talked about the students where she worked having no common sense. I just laughed and made a joke about book learning taking up all their brains.

I knew it was a slight insecurity that I thought I was better than she was and it was my way of reassuring her I really didn't think that!

I'm married with kids and still called 'Bairn' despite being the oldest of my generation, I got that title BECAUSE I was the first of my generation.

There is no malice, it's pretty common for adults to be referred to by child monikers by older relatives.

I have stepkids of 20 and 25 and refer to them as the kids when talking to them and DH. It just means the next generation down yes?
You sound very insecure about it.

@thisplaceisweird

I have a high flying job where I travel the world for it

How literal is this? Are you an air hostess?

*space waitress

So is my cousin and she’s 19, quite grown up too

If you no longer speak to her hw do you know what she says and why do you care?

When you're older you'll realise it doesn't matter what she thinks.

At age 26 I had a mortgage, owned my car outright, was a manager with 7 line reports and they in turn had about 40 line reports. I was engaged. I was most definitely a kid though. And in reality didn't know much about life because I had sailed through- which is how I had a decent job mortgage etc by 26.

YABU. Amongst my friends we all ask after ‘the kids’ who range in age from early 20s to mid 30s. Since you don’t speak to her it’s hard to see how offended you can be, does your Dad repeat each remark she makes?

If you want to retaliate you can refer to her as ‘my elderly aunt’.

When you are 50 you will look back and cringe a little.

As you no longer see her, stop giving her any headspace.

You don't speak to her, so why care what is says or thinks.

My 20 year old nephew caught a train to visit me a few weeks ago and I told him it was abs amazing thing for a 5 year old to do 🤷‍♀️ I M constantly astounded that he is a grown up who can do stuff.

BUT it sounds like your aunt is being horrible and just wants to diminish you which is a completely different thing and awful. Grey rock her and don’t tell her anything about your life….

25 can mean, barely out of full time education (esp if postgraduate etc), living in flatshares, and very much starting out in adult life (this isn't an insult, I was in this category).

25 can also mean someone who has been married, perhaps divorced, home owner, juggling several children and work.

Being single and child free doesnt mean you are necessarily less mature, but responsibilities and often hardship can have the effect of making someone grow up quicker.

However 'high flying' your job is, the second category will give you more life experience. I'm still one of the kids, nearly 40 with 2 kids.

@Folks

dads sister who is my auntie

Thanks for the clarification kiddo.

I like you!

OP I think you’re being over defensive about this. Is it irritating? yes, is it done on purpose to belittle you? Possibly but not definitely.

Let it go over your head, I would file it under ‘shit older generations say’ along with ‘in my day’ and move on.

I certainly wouldn’t consider it grounds to completely cut contact but as you have how are you still this wound up about it? Let it go.