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Original poster

To think I’m not a fucking kid?!

208 replies

WildEwe56789 · 30/03/2022 11:36

So my dads sister who is my auntie constantly refers to me as a kid or a child.

For context I’m 25 years old, I have a high flying job where I travel the world for it, I have my own house with a mortgage, I own my own car outright and I also have a dog. According to my auntie she still considers me a child/kid because I don’t have a boyfriend and or children which is something I do not want.

It really really frustrates me when she says it, she also constantly says I have no life experience or any grasp on how the world works Confused I have no idea where she’s got that opinion from because some of the countries I’ve travelled to for work are very eye opening…

She is a very bitter woman and she even admits that herself but I sat to her that doesn’t mean she can take it out on me. I no longer speak to her but she always ask my dad about me.

OP posts:
Dumblebum · 30/03/2022 12:57

I’m not sure your reaction smacks of maturity to be honest.

Drinkingallthewine · 30/03/2022 12:58

I have some extended family members who measure success soley on if you have a partner. Even having a man who batters the shit out of you every week is preferable to the social stigma of being single apparently. You could be an award winning scientist but if you are a single woman you are a total failure apparently.

It's became a family joke now.

She's bitter. And jealous. And this is her way of lording it over you. See it for how utterly sad and pathetic it is.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/03/2022 13:00

Well you don't speak to her so don't worry about it. Asking your dad how the kids are is perfectly fine, you're his kid. Telling you you won't understand anything until you have a baby is obv stupid so ignore.

WhatsMyNameGonnaBeNow · 30/03/2022 13:00

I think some posters are missing the point that she considers you a child because you don’t have a partner or children. That’s not at all the same as Oh, my mum still refers to us as the kids even though we’re middle aged. I suspect it’s the (still widely held) view that women need to be partnered up and have DC in order to be “a proper woman” which would piss me off too.

CoastalWave · 30/03/2022 13:01

@TulipsGarden

25 is really, really young though. You may have more life experience than other people your age, but it will be a hell of a lot less than someone much older.

Honestly, I knew nothing at 25.

^^ This 100% But then 25yr olds don't want to acknowledge that.

With regards to being called 'kids' - I'm 48 and my brother is 50 this year and my Aunty asked my mum how the kids were.

I think you're being precious over nothing (which when you are nearly half a century like me you'll suddenly go...ahhhh I get it now!)

Butteredtoast55 · 30/03/2022 13:02

I think the suggestion that you are only an adult when you have a partner and family rankles, and I can understand your frustration. You have achieved a lot already in your life, but you are still young, and to be frank, the very title and topic of this thread does suggest a degree of immaturity.

RussianSpy101 · 30/03/2022 13:02

Why would she be bitter?

She’s your aunt, you’re her niece. Don’t give it another thought.

LittleDiaries · 30/03/2022 13:03

My late DF never treated me as an adult, always speaking down to me as an irresponsible child, up to his death when I was 50. It was just his way. I ignored it. Some adults just don't seem capable of grasping that the generation following them can also be responsible adults.

Ionlydomassiveones · 30/03/2022 13:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

RiojaRose · 30/03/2022 13:05

My mum refers to me and my brother as ‘the kids’ and we’re in 50s. I don’t think it’s inherently disrespectful.

But if your aunt is deliberately putting you down that says much more about her than about you. What a weirdo!

1000yellowdaisies · 30/03/2022 13:07

@Palavah

Don't attach so much importance to what she says.

You could ignore - she may stop if she doesn't get a reaction

You could shrug and say 'yes it's tough paying a mortgage and holding down a full time job as a child'.

:)
SleepingStandingUp · 30/03/2022 13:07

@TulipsGarden

25 is really, really young though. You may have more life experience than other people your age, but it will be a hell of a lot less than someone much older.

Honestly, I knew nothing at 25.

It's impossible to know how much life experience she has at 25. It isn't something that is nearly acquired each year on the anniversary of your birth. There are plenty of people in their 30s and 40s with no life experience, and plenty in their 20s with more than most.
RincewindsHat · 30/03/2022 13:10

People say weird things, don't pay attention to it. My mum once told me I had no idea what it was like to get paid and then see your money disappear into bills and rent/mortgage etc. I was over 30 and had been living independently since graduating university, working and paying my way in the world. I asked her if she thought the rent and bills fairy had been paying everything for me for the last ten years and she had no response!

SpiderVersed · 30/03/2022 13:12

I have a son your age and my dad still refers to my brother and me as The Kids. We’re over 50.

Your reaction to it is very immature - like someone saying “I’m 12 and a half, actually!” You’re a generation below her, and you’re only 25, of course she think you’re a kid.

This should be water off a ducks back, not something to stamp your foot about online.

Ohmybod · 30/03/2022 13:13

Adults calling other adults ‘kids’ is really annoying. My MIL used to do this and it wound me up but I just had to accept it as her quirk and ignore it. If your aunt was also adding in the bit about no life experience then that’s just rude and personal and goes beyond the annoying habit of generalising people as ‘kids’ and you’re right to avoid contact.

Cisforcamel · 30/03/2022 13:13

@SleepingStandingUp
It's impossible to know how much life experience she has at 25. It isn't something that is nearly acquired each year on the anniversary of your birth. There are plenty of people in their 30s and 40s with no life experience, and plenty in their 20s with more than most

I think it’s generally fair to say that older people have more life experience than younger people. You wouldn’t say a 20 year old refugee had more life experience than an 80 year old, because regardless of the hideousness of the 20 years of life there are still another 60 years of experience to be gained.
The OP clearly has her head screwed on and is doing very well for herself, but the average 20 something in the UK has pretty limited life experience.

Cornettoninja · 30/03/2022 13:14

I don’t disagree with you @SleepingStandingUp but it’s still a truth that time offers different perspectives and space to analyse.

I left my teens having experienced things people in their 60’s get to without having to deal with and thought I knew about life. I’m in my forties now and know now I know/new nothing relatively speaking. I was only considering my experience, that’s not a balanced view. Experience isn’t a list you can tick off.

perimenofertility · 30/03/2022 13:14

You don’t speak to her anymore so the problem has been removed, yet it is still bothering you so I suspect there is some aspect of it that you are feeling insecure about.
If you were truly happy with your single child-free mortgage car dog high-flying travel job lifestyle you wouldn’t care at all what anyone says about it.
Question yourself, work out what bothers you about it and address that.
FWIW, as an auntie of 20-somethings, I will always think of them as kids! I don’t baby them and love to hear about their grown up lives, but I do still ask my brother “how are the kids?”.

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/03/2022 13:15

I call my adult children ‘my children’ because I don’t know how to describe them. My offspring?

The bit about saying that you have no life experience isn’t nice though.

mogsrus · 30/03/2022 13:15

No boyfriend, at your age, how shocking, it’s her stupid ideas that she needs to get a grip with. Your life, no one else’s, you’ve seen more of the world,than she can dream about,carry on, their are no rules in life,everything happens when it happens

DowntonCrabby · 30/03/2022 13:16

I’d just crack on living your life and ignore it. If she’s really as bitter and toxic as you say stop seeing her, that’s absolutely your choice as a grown woman.

GraceandMolly · 30/03/2022 13:16

My younger sister is 32 and much taller than me. I call her “baby sis”, because she will always be the little one to me. I think you are too sensitive about this.
We’ll done on your job and house.

GraceandMolly · 30/03/2022 13:17

*well done!

ancientgran · 30/03/2022 13:17

Just laugh at her. I've found people like that hate being laughed at.

Drivingish · 30/03/2022 13:18

I think it's being missed here how much difference there is being referred to as THE kid/s and A kid, massive difference imo. Saying "the kids" or "my kids" or "oh the kids are here!" is usually a term of endearment, calling you "a kid" is more often than not insulting (if you're a grown adult).