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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming colleague

225 replies

ChewedSkyRemote · 28/03/2022 09:26

Name changes as outing.

Woman at work randomly screams. It frightens me to death, I have auditory sensory issues and now I sit anxiously awaiting the scream. It’s very random and can be while you’re in the middle of talking to her or just when everyone is quiet working. I have obviously spoken to her about it and she says it’s a disability and can’t help it but won’t say what the disability is. Tomorrow I’m due to go on a visit with her and I can’t face driving with the threat of this sudden screaming. I spoke to the senior on Friday and was told the woman does have a disability and that was that. I also have a hidden disability and part of that is not being able to cope with sudden loud noises!! So where do I stand here?

OP posts:
Whadda · 28/03/2022 09:28

What do you want to happen? As in, what do you want your company to do?

SLT2022 · 28/03/2022 09:29

Will it not be tourettes? Meaning it is involuntary.

Original poster
ChewedSkyRemote · 28/03/2022 09:30

@Whadda

What do you want to happen? As in, what do you want your company to do?
Make it so that I don’t need to work closely with her. If I could change desks to the other side of the room and no be expected to travel with her that would help
OP posts:
Maflingo · 28/03/2022 09:31

Oh dear, that would distress me, and I don’t even have auditory issues.

Have you told your manager about your condition? Would you be allowed to wear headphones in the office?

As for driving her to visits, either she needs to drive, or you find someone else to go, or go with.

You both have needs, hers doesn’t trump yours, and your manger will need to help find a solution for this - but you will have to talk to them and be clear on what you need.

CounsellorTroi · 28/03/2022 09:31

Tourette’s? I understand this must be very disturbing. You could be on a phone call or zoom when she does it. Some reasonable adjustment needs to be made but I’m struggling to think what.

comealongponds · 28/03/2022 09:31

Can you be moved to sit elsewhere so you’re away from her?

Canigooutyet · 28/03/2022 09:32

Have you asked them to do those things?
If so what are their reasons?

Whatever00 · 28/03/2022 09:34

Can you talk to HR or Occupational health?

Original poster
ChewedSkyRemote · 28/03/2022 09:34

@Canigooutyet

Have you asked them to do those things? If so what are their reasons?
I asked if they could send someone else on the visit or at least send someone else with me but they said no as I was needed to go and they can’t ban her from going on visits either as it would be seen as discriminatory
OP posts:
BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 28/03/2022 09:36

So, they know about your disability, you've asked for reasonable adjustments and they've refused and told you that you must ride in a car with her and continue to sit near her?

They cannot punish her for having tourette's. They cannot punish your for having an auditory issue. They need to look after you both. Right now, they are only considering her so they are breaking employment law.

You've told them you have a disability and are protected by the equality act. They've refused to make any changes to help you. So call your union or a solicitor or HR. They cant move her or do anything to single her out but they can move you at your request and pay for separate travel.

SafelySoftly · 28/03/2022 09:36

Do you actually have a disability you’ve fully disclosed to them? Have you provided doctors’ evidence, have they spoken with you about it properly. Or have you just mentioned in passing?

ilovesooty · 28/03/2022 09:39

Is there a risk assessment in place for driving to the home visits?

Canigooutyet · 28/03/2022 09:40

Explain you aren't suggesting she is banned just that she isn't with you. She could go with other colleagues. If no reasonable adjustments are made then, go to hr or occy health. If you don't have these then you might have to educate the person.

It could be your manager is completely clueless and had this daft idea that you will work good together because of the hidden dissabi!ities.

SirChenjins · 28/03/2022 09:42

That sounds awful - for both of you. Your manager really needs to make reasonable adjustments for both of you here. Have you spoken to your union and HR yet?

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 28/03/2022 09:43

Is the trip to the Sistine Chapel (sorry couldn't resist being flippant)?

PAFMO · 28/03/2022 09:43

You both have a disability you have no control over and both should have appropriate systems in place to enable you to do your jobs to the best of your ability.

Instead of approaching your line manager's and speaking about HER, you need to speak about YOU. What you need, and what they need to do for you.

Babdoc · 28/03/2022 09:45

Travel in separate cars. It could be highly dangerous if she suddenly screamed as you were overtaking a lorry, for example.
And as PPs have suggested, go to HR, with evidence of your sensory issues - eg an autism assessment - and get your desk moved further away, or preferably to a different room.

Underfrighter · 28/03/2022 09:45

I think you should focus on the safety about the driving first, tell them it is not safe for you to drive with someone who loudly screams and you're concerned about crashing.

I also wouldn't comment on the lady just the effect on you, eg when I am spending time anticipating the scream it makes me very anxious, I am concerned that I will become stressed about this, but I think some physical distance would help

theeaimee · 28/03/2022 09:46

sounds awful for the both of you, i can imagine how tiring it is always being on edge and scared when it happens. I definitely agree with everyone else when they say that reasonable adjustments should be made for BOTH of you, especially when it comes to driving.

Has a risk assessment been done for this car journey? Sounds like it could be a bit dangerous if she makes you jump then you lose control of the vehicle for example. You should have to worry about these things because, as i said, reasonable adjustments should be made for you both. Hope you get sorted!!

BlanketsBanned · 28/03/2022 09:47

Have you declared your disability, yours is as important as hers and HR need to make adjustments for you both.

EthelTheAardvark · 28/03/2022 09:49

A lot depends on whether you have fully disclosed your disability to your employers, and whether it is backed up professionally.

So far as the planned visit is concerned, can you simply travel separately? It does seem to me that there is a separate safety issue if you are driving and your passenger is liable to sudden loud screams. Most people would jump in reaction to that, and that momentary loss of driving control is potentially dangerous.

girlmom21 · 28/03/2022 09:53

Are they aware of your disability? They can't prioritise one over the other.

girlmom21 · 28/03/2022 09:55

Don't drive with her in the car OP. Your insurance company won't say you're not at fault if you have an accident because your passenger has a disability.

Georgeskitchen · 28/03/2022 09:56

I would certainly refuse to drive anywhere with the person concerned as a passenger. Could be very dangerous indeed. Your employers need to ensure the safety of everyone not just the select few

Loopytiles · 28/03/2022 09:56

Would you driving her there be part of your job? If not and you just both need to be at the location for the business to be done, would say you’ve decided to travel alone.

If you want adjustments to be made at work due to your health/disability, ask for this and make suggestions.