Screaming colleague

[ChewedSkyRemote]

Name changes as outing.

Woman at work randomly screams. It frightens me to death, I have auditory sensory issues and now I sit anxiously awaiting the scream. It’s very random and can be while you’re in the middle of talking to her or just when everyone is quiet working. I have obviously spoken to her about it and she says it’s a disability and can’t help it but won’t say what the disability is. Tomorrow I’m due to go on a visit with her and I can’t face driving with the threat of this sudden screaming. I spoke to the senior on Friday and was told the woman does have a disability and that was that. I also have a hidden disability and part of that is not being able to cope with sudden loud noises!! So where do I stand here?

A driving Licence not a lesson although I wonder how an instructor would cope with random screams. He or she would be hitting those dual brakes non frigging stop!

@TheUsualShitshow

It would be stressful for some people I imagine. Not as stressful as it is for the woman though. It's really up to each individual to decide if their working conditions suit them or not isn't it?

One of my DC teachers had that attitude refused to move our DC who actually got on with child with issues that set our child noise senstivtiy off but couldn't cope sat next to them.

Both kids were at same point with school SENCO but teacher had a opinion other child has it worse so my child should cope.

Caused a huge amount of additional stress as our child home behavior deteriated to point of struggling to get them into school - teacher insisted it was bad parenting - no issues prior to this.

Just as we we about to see head next day meeting our child lost it in school - complete melt down they seem to think sensory overload meltdown - had to be taken to quite place and given fair bit of time to calm- head and previous teachers were shocked - they were a well behaved child with possibly some underlying things SENCO was keeping an eye on.

Seating was moved immediately - Senco said they should have been moved as soon as it was raised as an issue. Our child was on edge rest of that school year but home behavior went back to normal and getting them into school immediately stopped being an issue.

I've no idea how stressful the OP actually fines the situation it could be like with our child be the difference in coping and not.

However I'd agree as an adult she has agency and ablity to self advocate but idea that other peron must be worse so suck it up IME isn't helpful to anyone.

Noise cancelling headphone might help in office and suggest and try and insist on different travel arrangements - and following up disclosure to HR and getting proper adjustments - or very last resort job hunt or try and move to different department.

@TheUsualShitshow if anyone with any condition is prone to sudden outbursts of loud noises, then no the driver - unless professionally trained , on a bus or a taxi driver with noise cancelling screen in between - should not be put in the position where they have to drive that person.

It's for both peoples safety - driver may well react if passenger makes a loud noise at a tricky driving point. I would not feel able to drive if I knew that passenger could have an outburst at any time, as I could end up making a driving mistake . I don't think it's ablest, just factual.

I am surprised though that people with Tourettes can have a driving lesson. An uncontrollable voluntary movement while driving at 70 miles an hour down the motorway or while sitting in a traffic jam, causing them to not be full control of the vehicle is dangerous.

But generally it's an involuntary movement of a body part, not a full body movement.

I have a relative who makes a noise in their throat and blinks harshly.

I have another relative who spits.

The first has been deemed safe to drive by medical professionals as they're still always fully alert - the blink doesn't take any longer than a normal blink. The second has been deemed unsafe.

It completely depends on the individuals specific tics.

The right to scream is not a given.

It's not a right they can forgo! What's so difficult to understand about this?! Do you also think people can reattach their amputated limbs if they need to climb some stairs?

Calling me po-faced because I'm offended by disablist comments about the condition that has wrecked my child's mental health is really fucking low.

I haven't reported any of these shitty comments by the way, because I'd rather let them stand and have people see you for what you are.

[quote rookiemere]@TheUsualShitshow if anyone with any condition is prone to sudden outbursts of loud noises, then no the driver - unless professionally trained , on a bus or a taxi driver with noise cancelling screen in between - should not be put in the position where they have to drive that person.

It's for both peoples safety - driver may well react if passenger makes a loud noise at a tricky driving point. I would not feel able to drive if I knew that passenger could have an outburst at any time, as I could end up making a driving mistake . I don't think it's ablest, just factual.[/quote]
Again, I haven't once said the OP should get in the car.

I've only pointed out disablist dicks being disablist dicks.

You're sounding utterly ridiculous now @TheUsualShitshow. And disablist. Neither autism nor cerebral palsy are diseases.

of course it depends on the specific behaviour-I agree.

But screaming does imply a loss of control. It sounds a lot more anti social as well. Imagine being a nervous flyer or being on a crowded underground or in a lift and someone starts screaming.

Nope, I'm not a plaster saint and I would be upset and annoyed. Nor would I work next to someone who screamed...my nerves would be shot and no way on God's green earth would I be driving them anywhere.

Do you scream @TheUsualShitshow?

Just interested in why you are contorting yourself to get everyone to agree that screaming is ok and no-one should be upset about it.

@Clymene

You're sounding utterly ridiculous now *@TheUsualShitshow*. And disablist. Neither autism nor cerebral palsy are diseases.

If we're being technical TS is a condition of the neurological disorder.

Not sure what that has to do with anything though.

But haha at me being the disablist one simply by drawing comparisons between conditions that cause unforseen noises to be made.

The things you're requesting are reasonable adjustments. They still need to let her do her job but they need to facilitate your request on the basis of your own disability.

What about my mental health? My anxiety would be at top bloody note and so would one of my children's. Or is it a case of she who literally screams loudest trumps every other bugger.

What about a bit of understanding for those who cannot cope with screaming or is it all one way traffic?

@EndaDay

Do you scream *@TheUsualShitshow*?

Just interested in why you are contorting yourself to get everyone to agree that screaming is ok and no-one should be upset about it.

No, but my child has coprolalia so uncontrollably swears, which is making his life very difficult. Kids are not always that understanding, and this thread shows me that his life is not going to get easier the older he gets.

The screaming is clearly unavoidable, so I fail to see the point in people posting about 'the right to scream' as if this woman is enjoying her divine right to scream. It's a complex and painful neuro disorder, but make all the sistine chapel jokes you feel are suitable.

Remember also that the OP has a hidden disability, and I'm sure it will be lovely for her to come back and read all of this.

@TheUsualShitshow

"As for the car driving, I don't think anyone at work should be forced to share a car, driver or passenger, with someone with Autism.

As for the car driving, I don't think anyone at work should be forced to share a car, driver or passenger, with someone with Cerebral Palsy.

As for the car driving, I don't think anyone at work should be forced to share a car, driver or passenger, with someone with Parkinson's.

All of these diseases feature random sounds and/or movements.

Still good with what you wrote?"

I think you are right. Where an aspect of someone's illness or disability puts others in the car at risk, then I think that if they travel for their employment, then special measures need to be put in place for everyone's safety. In my NHS job, I used to carry patients on home visits in my own car and if ever i felt that it was not safe to do so then I could require ambulance transport. People with a certain level of involuntary movement or other behaviour might be accommodated in the back seat with an escort but not always. This wasn't to degrade or shut away those people but to keep everyone safe.
Additionally if the car is the employees own, even if they are using it for work, (as I was) then the final decision on who the car owner/driver will carry rests with the owner. Unless the OP's T's abd C's are very strange indeed, I can't imagine that they require the OP to carry passengers against her will.

@TheUsualShitshow
My sympathy to you and your child. If your child shouts uncontrollably, regardless of what he shouts then yes, sadly it may be unsafe for him to be driven by some people. coprollalia at a conversational level while distressing for you and your child may not be such a safety issue.

Some of the attitudes to tourettes on here are absolutely fucking disgusting.

See how funny any of you would find it getting woken multiple times in the night with a daughter in pain because of muscular tics, having her miss every morning of school because she is so tired, when she does go in she gets picked on, which upsets her and makes her tics worse. Shes 11 years old and on sleeping medication ffs.

How lovely to see that some grown adults also won't accept her in the workplace because of her vocal tics (she also has physical ones that I'm sure some would take the piss out of too).

Its ok to support op, offer advice about the situation, and workplace policies without saying this woman should be hidden away and insinuate she can control her tics in the supermarket and funerals etc.

Its a disability, an incredibly painful and distressing one. It's NOT OK to take the piss out of it ffs.

Bunch of nasty, disablist, playground bullies on here play acting as adults.

Exactly @godmum56 I haven't advocated the idea once. If the OP isn't comfortable then that's it really, isn't it.

The employer needs to make a reasonable adjustment; maybe they don't consider the vocal tics a driving hazard, or maybe they haven't considered it properly.

The OP is doing the right thing in (kindly and privately) trying to get something in place which protects everyone.

@EndaDay

What about my mental health? My anxiety would be at top bloody note and so would one of my children's. Or is it a case of she who literally screams loudest trumps every other bugger.

What about a bit of understanding for those who cannot cope with screaming or is it all one way traffic?

You have shown zero understanding, so that's rich coming from you.

@TheUsualShitshow, I do see your points and I agree that there are many ableist comments on this thread which are really quite disheartening.

I am autistic (with a full NHS diagnosis, if that is relevant), and I have some sensory issues around noise, particularly shrill or high-pitched noises: I find them physically painful and they trigger a high-intensity flight reaction.

I don't have children, WfH and own a pair of very expensive noise-cancelling headphones, so I am in the fortunate and privileged position of being able to avoid triggers, for the most part.

As you say, let us assume the OP's colleague has TS and her tics are unavoidable. What we can't do here is play 'disability top trumps': the OP's colleague's condition does not overplay the OP's response.

Neither the OP nor the colleague are at fault here, but, assuming the OP has a diagnosis and is 'out' to her employers, she can (and has an expectation in law to) ask for reasonable adjustments, one of which would be physical space and the right to travel safely and in comfort.

To add to my previous post: while I am ND, even most NT people find screaming a difficult noise to tolerate, as it is an alarm signal and it is very difficult not to react to it on a visceral level.

[quote AffIt]@TheUsualShitshow, I do see your points and I agree that there are many ableist comments on this thread which are really quite disheartening.

I am autistic (with a full NHS diagnosis, if that is relevant), and I have some sensory issues around noise, particularly shrill or high-pitched noises: I find them physically painful and they trigger a high-intensity flight reaction.

I don't have children, WfH and own a pair of very expensive noise-cancelling headphones, so I am in the fortunate and privileged position of being able to avoid triggers, for the most part.

As you say, let us assume the OP's colleague has TS and her tics are unavoidable. What we can't do here is play 'disability top trumps': the OP's colleague's condition does not overplay the OP's response.

Neither the OP nor the colleague are at fault here, but, assuming the OP has a diagnosis and is 'out' to her employers, she can (and has an expectation in law to) ask for reasonable adjustments, one of which would be physical space and the right to travel safely and in comfort.[/quote]
actually under health and safety legislation, I think that anybody has the right to ask for those things to a reasonable degree.

Christ, this thread shows exactly why I, as an adult with tourettes who has very loud tics, struggles to go out in public and found a job where I only spend time with animals, no people.

Obviously the OP should have reasonable adjustments for her disability but that also shouldn’t mean the other woman, who also has a disability, should miss out.

Some people on this thread have been incredibly ableist and down right rude.

I’ve been on planes with screaming tics and coprolalia, loud coprolalia at that. But I’m not going to avoid going on planes just because I might upset someone. Yeah it’s a shame if someone is genuinely upset and not just annoyed. I absolutely hate that, it hurts me so fucking much.

I don’t know why people think tourettes is such a hilarious disability but it’s really not, if you lived with it you would understand. Some things I tic can very funny but most of the time it’s just fucking awful.

I'm really sorry @Tourettes123

It's really heartbreaking isn't it.

@Tourettes123

Christ, this thread shows exactly why I, as an adult with tourettes who has very loud tics, struggles to go out in public and found a job where I only spend time with animals, no people.

Obviously the OP should have reasonable adjustments for her disability but that also shouldn’t mean the other woman, who also has a disability, should miss out.

Some people on this thread have been incredibly ableist and down right rude.

I’ve been on planes with screaming tics and coprolalia, loud coprolalia at that. But I’m not going to avoid going on planes just because I might upset someone. Yeah it’s a shame if someone is genuinely upset and not just annoyed. I absolutely hate that, it hurts me so fucking much.

I don’t know why people think tourettes is such a hilarious disability but it’s really not, if you lived with it you would understand. Some things I tic can very funny but most of the time it’s just fucking awful.

To you and others who have shared on this thread. What is truly baffling is an OP who has a sensory disorder herself being so bloody dismissive of others with disabilities. As pp has said, it really does seem to be "my disability trumps yours".

PS the Sistine Chapel screamer was presumed to be a troll even back then. Surely there aren't still people who believe it?

@Tourettes123

Christ, this thread shows exactly why I, as an adult with tourettes who has very loud tics, struggles to go out in public and found a job where I only spend time with animals, no people.

Obviously the OP should have reasonable adjustments for her disability but that also shouldn’t mean the other woman, who also has a disability, should miss out.

Some people on this thread have been incredibly ableist and down right rude.

I’ve been on planes with screaming tics and coprolalia, loud coprolalia at that. But I’m not going to avoid going on planes just because I might upset someone. Yeah it’s a shame if someone is genuinely upset and not just annoyed. I absolutely hate that, it hurts me so fucking much.

I don’t know why people think tourettes is such a hilarious disability but it’s really not, if you lived with it you would understand. Some things I tic can very funny but most of the time it’s just fucking awful.

Its not hilarious, its sad and difficult but would you (or anyone) be allowed to stand in the cockpit and yell in the pilot's ear?