Screaming colleague

[ChewedSkyRemote]

Name changes as outing.

Woman at work randomly screams. It frightens me to death, I have auditory sensory issues and now I sit anxiously awaiting the scream. It’s very random and can be while you’re in the middle of talking to her or just when everyone is quiet working. I have obviously spoken to her about it and she says it’s a disability and can’t help it but won’t say what the disability is. Tomorrow I’m due to go on a visit with her and I can’t face driving with the threat of this sudden screaming. I spoke to the senior on Friday and was told the woman does have a disability and that was that. I also have a hidden disability and part of that is not being able to cope with sudden loud noises!! So where do I stand here?

Does she scream in the supermarket? In the cinema? Walking along the road? In a public loo? At a parents' evening? Riding a bike? Crossing a zebra crossing? At a funeral?

What sort of work does she do because Tourettes or no Tourettes, if I was a customer having a telephone conversation with someone who screamed down my earhole, I'd just hang up and not ring back.

In any event, regardless of your hearing problem, do not be at the wheel when carrying a screaming adult passenger. Her right to scream doesn't trump your right to safety. Someone screaming could cause a massive accident and for what...her right to scream!

And don't go if she is the driver either. Don't endanger yourself.

How is there extra danger if she is the driver?

And by the way it's not that the women has 'a right' to scream. It's that she literally couldn't not scream no matter how hard she tried.

Does she scream in the supermarket? In the cinema? Walking along the road? In a public loo? At a parents' evening? Riding a bike? Crossing a zebra crossing? At a funeral?

YES IT'S A LIFELONG DEBILITATING NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER, IT DOESN'T GET SWITCHED OFF AT ZEBRA CROSSINGS.

Jesus.

Regardless of her disability, I would be putting in a complaint if I was in an office or a car with her. Sounds horrific.

@EndaDay

Does she scream in the supermarket? In the cinema? Walking along the road? In a public loo? At a parents' evening? Riding a bike? Crossing a zebra crossing? At a funeral?

What sort of work does she do because Tourettes or no Tourettes, if I was a customer having a telephone conversation with someone who screamed down my earhole, I'd just hang up and not ring back.

In any event, regardless of your hearing problem, do not be at the wheel when carrying a screaming adult passenger. Her right to scream doesn't trump your right to safety. Someone screaming could cause a massive accident and for what...her right to scream!

And don't go if she is the driver either. Don't endanger yourself.

If its Tourrettes then different circumstances may trigger different responses so your first papragraph may be irrelevant. Actually as has been said, the OP's disability is also not relevant here, its just not safe to have a passenger in a car who screams unpredictably.

Where and when she screams outside work is irrelevant and none of op business, you need to tell your manager that its unsafe to be in the car with her and they need to make alternative arrangements for your visit. What sort of work is it, others may find it distressing and stressful too what does the colleague say about her condition, is she and the managers aware of others reaction and safety.

@TheUsualShitshow

How is there extra danger if she is the driver?

And by the way it's not that the women has 'a right' to scream. It's that she literally couldn't not scream no matter how hard she tried.

Does she scream in the supermarket? In the cinema? Walking along the road? In a public loo? At a parents' evening? Riding a bike? Crossing a zebra crossing? At a funeral?

YES IT'S A LIFELONG DEBILITATING NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER, IT DOESN'T GET SWITCHED OFF AT ZEBRA CROSSINGS.

Jesus.

that would depend. Can she scream without closing her eyes? losing control of the can controls? losing concentration? I woder if she has a driving licence? Some Touretters can't get them because of their tics

You need to have reasonable adjustments assessment too.

Well she's either been allowed a licence or not based on those things already...so if she has a licence then she's a safe enough driver to have one.

@Georgeskitchen

I would certainly refuse to drive anywhere with the person concerned as a passenger. Could be very dangerous indeed. Your employers need to ensure the safety of everyone not just the select few

This You refuse to take her. She will need to make her own arrangements.

Here's something that may be useful for the 'haha sistine chapel' lot. This is specifically about children but the same goes for adults with TS of course.

And may I add, my child's school has just sent this letter out as there is a severe lack of tolerance and understanding towards the kids in their school who struggle with this. How depressing that many adults are no better.

Tourette Syndrome is a very complex neurological condition that affects 1:100 children and adults. It is characterized by involuntary movements and vocalisations called tics. These tics can cause significant fatigue, pain, discomfort, and embarrassment. Alongside the motor and vocal tics are internal psychological tics, these are pervasive and consuming thoughts that significantly affect attention and concentration.

Tics are unpredictable, involuntary and can be contextual e.g., ticcing “no” when asked to do something or “fatty” when seeing an overweight person. They are not a reflection of the child’s inner world or of their thoughts and feelings. Some days tics are manageable yet other days they can interfere with daily life e.g., being unable to eat or swallow due to motor tics, unable to walk to the bus stop, or being unable to engage in conversations due to vocal tics.

People with Tourette Syndrome also often have co-existing conditions such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism (ASD), depression and anxiety issues, dyslexia, and sensory processing difficulties to name a few. So, you can imagine how difficult life can be for our children with Tourette’s.

It’s important to understand that children with Tourette’s will struggle to control their tics and we would discourage any child to suppress (hold them in). The tics need to come out at some point and if they have been suppressed, they will come out louder and harder than they would have originally. Therefore, although the child does not wish to be disruptive within the session, it may happen from time to time.

Reply to this : "It is not discriminatory if accommodating the other worker's disability compromises the health and safety of another worker. I cannot accept instructions which will compromise my own health and safety"

@TheUsualShitshow

How is there extra danger if she is the driver?

And by the way it's not that the women has 'a right' to scream. It's that she literally couldn't not scream no matter how hard she tried.

Does she scream in the supermarket? In the cinema? Walking along the road? In a public loo? At a parents' evening? Riding a bike? Crossing a zebra crossing? At a funeral?

YES IT'S A LIFELONG DEBILITATING NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER, IT DOESN'T GET SWITCHED OFF AT ZEBRA CROSSINGS.

Jesus.

Why are you assuming she is the driver?

And why is all your compassion for the woman with TS and none for the OP.

Does she scream in the supermarket? In the cinema? Walking along the road? In a public loo? At a parents' evening? Riding a bike? Crossing a zebra crossing? At a funeral?

I know someone with Tourette’s and he would absolutely scream and shout out odd random words at all,those sort of times. He’s a primary school teacher and the 6yos have enough understanding to know he can’t help it.

But I agree for the OP if she feels it’s not safe to drive, then her colleague needs to travel separately.

It's Tourettes, a tic, my DN had the screaming tic too, but most tics wax and wane, and his thankfully waned and stopped after about a year but it was awful.

That doesn't make it any less traumatic for those around them, so I think travelling separately might be the best compromise here.

And I’m assuming OP is the driver because she says “I can’t face driving”. Not that she can’t face sitting in a car. I might be wrong.

If you have a hidden disability which means driving with her in the car could be dangerous for both of you, then of course you shouldn't drive. How well do you know her? Can she drive instead? They need to be considerate of both of you here, it is a safety issue.

It's one of those really tricky situations where there are no 'winners'. Colleague shouldn't be discriminated against for a medical condition, of course she shouldn't. But also it's not fair to expect people to drive with someone screaming randomly beside them or who has a condition of their own that makes random loud noises very upsetting and distracting. It's nobody's fault; it's just a very difficult situation where the needs of two employees, which are both fair and justified, come into conflict.

Ideally, OP should be able to sit somewhere where the noise doesn't affect her so much because obviously colleague can't help making the noise in the first place, and alternative arrangements made so that colleague is able to travel to the event and take part without the consequence of OP feeling unsafe. But in reality, it's a difficult juggling act to balance everyone's needs in an equitable manner.

I hope she doesn't have a driving licence!

And actually, to a previous PP, it is certainly relevant if she doesn't scream in other places and it most certainly relevant to the OP if she does. because if she can refrain from screaming anywhere else-even just one place-then she should be able to refrain from screaming down the OP's ear.

Screaming is pretty different to a short shout. How does she get on if she travels on the tube? She could cause a bloody riot of panic!

Still interested to know what sort of work she does.

I wouldn't think it could be dealing with customers. I wouldn't think she could be a barrister or a judge. How about a screaming dentist or brain surgeon? A screaming air pilot or driving instructor? Maybe a screaming teacher? How about a screaming undertaker or a vicar? A screaming vet? A screaming sleep therapist?

I know posters will come on with the inevitable, 'Why Not' but meanwhile, back at the real world ranch...

@Clymene I haven't said the OP should get in the car, because I'm mindful that she also has a disability. I have in fact said nothing to or about the OP because I'm not judging. I know how hard it is to live alongside TS.

All I've done is point out to the people being dicks about people with disabilities that they're being dicks about people with disabilities.

🤷🏻‍♀️

@EndaDay

I hope she doesn't have a driving licence!

And actually, to a previous PP, it is certainly relevant if she doesn't scream in other places and it most certainly relevant to the OP if she does. because if she can refrain from screaming anywhere else-even just one place-then she should be able to refrain from screaming down the OP's ear.

Screaming is pretty different to a short shout. How does she get on if she travels on the tube? She could cause a bloody riot of panic!

Still interested to know what sort of work she does.

I wouldn't think it could be dealing with customers. I wouldn't think she could be a barrister or a judge. How about a screaming dentist or brain surgeon? A screaming air pilot or driving instructor? Maybe a screaming teacher? How about a screaming undertaker or a vicar? A screaming vet? A screaming sleep therapist?

I know posters will come on with the inevitable, 'Why Not' but meanwhile, back at the real world ranch...

If she has TS she can't 'refrain' for fuck's sake. Maybe for a short time but then it's liable to burst out louder and longer than it would have done.

@EndaDay like I said my friend with Tourette’s is a primary teacher. I’m sure kids had Tourette’s explained to them before they started so they knew it couldn’t be helped.

You have issues. She has issues. Now you know it’s something she can’t control maybe you could try to get used to it rather than making a big deal out of it. I really feel for you colleague tbh, your response seems very self-absorbed and insensitive.

Look for another job, OP. Your nerves must be fucking shredded.

I asked if they could send someone else on the visit or at least send someone else with me but they said no as I was needed to go and they can’t ban her from going on visits either as it would be seen as discriminatory

So you haven’t disclosed your (hidden) disability? - in which case your employer is behaving reasonably

@NotNotNotMyName

You have issues. She has issues. Now you know it’s something she can’t control maybe you could try to get used to it rather than making a big deal out of it. I really feel for you colleague tbh, your response seems very self-absorbed and insensitive.

How can you get used to someone randomly screaming? It's part of human instinct to be jarred by this. All round it would surely be better if some kind of home working arrangement for the colleague could be put in place. Just because someone has got a disability doesn't mean everyone else should be miserable and suffer.