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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming colleague

225 replies

ChewedSkyRemote · 28/03/2022 09:26

Name changes as outing.

Woman at work randomly screams. It frightens me to death, I have auditory sensory issues and now I sit anxiously awaiting the scream. It’s very random and can be while you’re in the middle of talking to her or just when everyone is quiet working. I have obviously spoken to her about it and she says it’s a disability and can’t help it but won’t say what the disability is. Tomorrow I’m due to go on a visit with her and I can’t face driving with the threat of this sudden screaming. I spoke to the senior on Friday and was told the woman does have a disability and that was that. I also have a hidden disability and part of that is not being able to cope with sudden loud noises!! So where do I stand here?

OP posts:
NannaKaren · 29/03/2022 18:54

Yes - agree with
BeforeGodAndAllTheFish

shewhomustbeEbayed · 29/03/2022 19:00

You say you are going on a visit with her, does she appear to have control in some situations or is she likely to scream while on the visit ?

Cherrysoup · 29/03/2022 19:05

There’s no way I could drive her. I like what a pp said about an enhanced startle response, that describes me! I can’t cope with someone suddenly speaking to me when I didn’t know they were there and if someone randomly screamed, I know my reaction would be extreme were I driving. It just wouldn’t be safe.

OP needs to make her employer aware of her auditory issues.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/03/2022 19:07

This is also a physical risk to the OP - being in very close range of somebody that screams can cause permanent damage to hearing. A human scream can reach 90 - 125dB - when you add in the proximity, the OP could easily sustain permanent harm in 1-3 seconds - less than the duration of a single scream.

Nobody should be forced to allow themselves to be harmed in the pursuit of inclusion - the email trail in itself would be evidence for a court case, demonstrating that the employer was aware of the issue and refused to allow the OP to protect herself to the extent of forcing her into an enclosed space with the mechanism of injury.

Loginmystery · 29/03/2022 19:23

I was at the Sistine Chapel a few years ago and I’m sure I met your colleague.

Don’t drive with her. Just say you understand she has Tourettes and you don’t mean to be callous however her condition is exacerbating your own condition.

WonderfulYou · 29/03/2022 19:32

I work in an SEND school and have people like her who randomly scream and people like you who are sensitive to noise - it’s very difficult!
The ones who are sensitive to noise sometimes forget that they’re not the only ones who have a disability.

We obviously try and control the screaming and noises but it’s not easy and like Tourette’s the more you try and stop it the worse it gets. Everyone has different ways of managing it.
For those who are sensitive to hearing then we give them ear defenders which help.

I would definitely talk to your supervisor and depending on your area of work see if you can work in a different department or different hours.

pinkpantherpink · 29/03/2022 19:42

They are content to discriminate against you?

Hmm.

Can you get someone on side to provide advocate for you? I find asking for help directly for myself difficult. But I can easily advocate for other w

GetTheTeaOn · 29/03/2022 19:47

@ChewedSkyRemote Where are you, OP? So many PPs in here asking if you’d declared your disability to your employer (and other comments). It’d be good if you could reply now, to some of these please ….

XenoBitch · 29/03/2022 19:55

This sounds like a difficult situation for all involved, and it is pretty rubbish of your employer to dismiss your concerns.

I recall a thread on here where a woman's concerns about a male colleague making her feel very uncomfortable (he was also stalking her outside of work) was dismissed as he had Autism, so it was disablist to complain.

A scream from a passenger if I was driving would most likely have me veering off the road to avoid some perceived threat. It is dangerous, and you don't need your own disability or sensory issues to see how it could be a risk.

Seeing as the event you were worried about was today, an update would be great. I hope you managed it ok, whatever happened.

PlntLady · 29/03/2022 20:08

I also have a hidden disability, although very different from yours. You need to ask your employer for an occupational health assessment. They will they need to make adjustments to abide by this. By forcing you to continue on this path, they are also discriminating against you because your disability is less prevalent than your colleagues.

StargazerAli · 29/03/2022 20:18

Your Company are responsible for making sure that both of your disabilities are accounted for within the working environment. You need to make sure they are fully aware that you cannot work to your best ability in the current situation and that they need to find a resolution.

I would find it difficult working with a colleague who screamed involuntarily even without a disability of my own!

womaniswomaniswoman · 29/03/2022 20:32

@pinkpantherpink

They are content to discriminate against you?

Hmm.

Can you get someone on side to provide advocate for you? I find asking for help directly for myself difficult. But I can easily advocate for other w

Nobody knows if the OP has disclosed her disability to her employer, so we can't assume they are content to discriminate against her. Particularly when they are accommodating of someone with TS in the office.
Lillith111 · 29/03/2022 20:45

@godmum56 @EndaDay should babies also be banned from flights?

Sapphireskies · 29/03/2022 21:23

I would say look I've a disability as much as she has one. I can't cope with her screaming as it effects my disability. I need to be treated as well as she is. Having her in the car with me is a hazard as her screaming frightens me and while driving I have to concentrate, I can't be on edge thinking she is about to scream and if she screams it could stop me concentrating and cause a potentially fatal accident, not just to me but to others on the road. I will need to be away from her from now on as it is seriously effecting me.

godmum56 · 29/03/2022 21:24

[quote Lillith111]**@godmum56* @EndaDay* should babies also be banned from flights?[/quote]
Did I say that people with Tourettes should be banned from flights? If I did can you show me where please?

XenoBitch · 29/03/2022 21:43

@Sapphireskies

I would say look I've a disability as much as she has one. I can't cope with her screaming as it effects my disability. I need to be treated as well as she is. Having her in the car with me is a hazard as her screaming frightens me and while driving I have to concentrate, I can't be on edge thinking she is about to scream and if she screams it could stop me concentrating and cause a potentially fatal accident, not just to me but to others on the road. I will need to be away from her from now on as it is seriously effecting me.
I think it is dodgy ground to insist that you are only allowed to be legitimately intolerant or struggle with the behaviours/actions of someone else only if you are disabled yourself.
PenguinPup · 29/03/2022 21:48

Finding this thread quite disturbing to read in places. Wish the OP would come back.

CelestiaNoctis · 30/03/2022 01:54

Could you speak to them? Maybe they'll be willing to swap out with someone or make their own way to the visit and meet you there? It sounds very difficult for both of you.

BeKindBeNiceHelpEachOther · 30/03/2022 02:39

Daughters flatmate has turned out to be a narcissist. Wants to know where my daughter is and when she’s back but doesn’t tell back. She’ll speak one day n ignore her for days. Atmosphere oppressive. Daughter stays in her room for fear of upsetting her, this girl has her boyfriend staying most weekends, complained when my daughter had food delivered at 11pm. Really self centred n nasty person.

Theunamedcat · 30/03/2022 07:57

@BeKindBeNiceHelpEachOther

Daughters flatmate has turned out to be a narcissist. Wants to know where my daughter is and when she’s back but doesn’t tell back. She’ll speak one day n ignore her for days. Atmosphere oppressive. Daughter stays in her room for fear of upsetting her, this girl has her boyfriend staying most weekends, complained when my daughter had food delivered at 11pm. Really self centred n nasty person.
Start your own thread
Booboobagins · 30/03/2022 20:45

One disability doesn't trump another, ask fir someone else to attend with her because of your disability. Talk to her, say you have antagonist disabilities, laugh about it, move on xxx

Bertiebiscuit · 30/03/2022 22:39

Whatever is behind her behaviour, you cannot be expected to put up with it - put your foot down

OnTheBoardwalk · 30/03/2022 22:46

I struggle with background or loud noises. Not making light of her disability but the few people I can drive with know when I get stressed finding places/junctions I need quiet

Agree she is a hazard to your driving. I'm not sure how me being sensitive to noise and wearing ear defenders will make the journey any safer

Marcipex · 31/03/2022 13:37

This person is a hazard to any other people in the car. Sorry but that’s the truth. Startling the driver is extremely dangerous.

They need to make their own travel arrangements.

What if you didn’t drive and were using public transport? How then would your colleague travel?

womaniswomaniswoman · 31/03/2022 18:52

I think at this point we've established that:

  1. The OP isn't coming back, and
  2. Quite a lot of people still apparently live in the pre-internet days, before you could easily find out that Tourette's is a lifelong painful neurological disorder and not 1) funny or 2) a choice
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