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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming colleague

225 replies

ChewedSkyRemote · 28/03/2022 09:26

Name changes as outing.

Woman at work randomly screams. It frightens me to death, I have auditory sensory issues and now I sit anxiously awaiting the scream. It’s very random and can be while you’re in the middle of talking to her or just when everyone is quiet working. I have obviously spoken to her about it and she says it’s a disability and can’t help it but won’t say what the disability is. Tomorrow I’m due to go on a visit with her and I can’t face driving with the threat of this sudden screaming. I spoke to the senior on Friday and was told the woman does have a disability and that was that. I also have a hidden disability and part of that is not being able to cope with sudden loud noises!! So where do I stand here?

OP posts:
northernsquirrel · 28/03/2022 11:10

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

Is the trip to the Sistine Chapel (sorry couldn't resist being flippant)?
Grin
AlisonDonut · 28/03/2022 11:16

Is the trip in a company car or are you driving her in your own car? What is the purpose of the trip? Can you both make your own way there and meet up, and is she doing half the driving?

maddening · 28/03/2022 11:21

You both have a disability and your employer needs to manage this.

ExMachinaDeus · 28/03/2022 11:21

If I could change desks to the other side of the room and no be expected to travel with her that would help

Your employer has a legal responsibility to balance both your needs regarding disability. There’s no hierarchy here.

They are legally obliged to make reasonable adjustments.

What you suggest is pretty reasonable. Present it to your employer as a reasonable adjustment which is pretty low key for both you and your colleague.

Piggy42 · 28/03/2022 11:24

I would go as a passenger but would refuse to drive for your colleague as I worry it would be dangerous. Sounds very difficult op.

SeasonFinale · 28/03/2022 11:25

As the OP has disappeared my guess is that she has perhaps not declared her disability.

PortalooSunset · 28/03/2022 11:27

Are you worried about the screaming actually during the visit, or during the journey there? If the latter, insist on travelling separately.
Both of you have a disability (is your employer aware of yours?) so your employer is obliged to protect you both.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 28/03/2022 11:51

I would try to get permission to wear noise cancelling headphones for your disability which would temper the effect on you of hers, which I assume must be Tourette's, in which case she cannot control the screaming.

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/03/2022 11:54

@SLT2022

Will it not be tourettes? Meaning it is involuntary.
That was my first thought. She can't help it.
JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 28/03/2022 11:57

Can you say that is fine that you both go but that you will either have to get public transport together or she will have to go separately from you if you drive as you can't drive her due to your own sensory issues.

Scautish · 28/03/2022 12:10

@PAFMO

You both have a disability you have no control over and both should have appropriate systems in place to enable you to do your jobs to the best of your ability.

Instead of approaching your line manager's and speaking about HER, you need to speak about YOU. What you need, and what they need to do for you.

This is spot on. You both need reasonable adjustments and neither disability should trump the other. I am autistic and have sensory issues and would feel exactly the same as you. But I totally get that the other person cannot be discriminated against either. Tough situation but your manager’s problem to resolve.
saleorbouy · 28/03/2022 12:15

You are both grown up and need to have a conversation about your respective disabilities and how it affects you personally and each other at work with consideration and respect.
Form a solution that satisfies both of you and then present it to your workplace and ask them to implement it.

nitsandwormsdodger · 28/03/2022 12:17

Two people with genuine disability
Both deserve adjustments
Both deserve consideration
Is work aware of yours ? Or were you too embarrassed to tell them ?
Poor cow Tourette’s is hideous and I dread to think what you said to her as you seem v ignorant of a v common problem

takingmytimeonmyride · 28/03/2022 12:19

Someone suddenly screaming in the car is dangerous! I remember having to have serious words with my kids about doing it (arguing and fighting 🙄) as it's so distracting, and obviously a scream is usually an indicator of something terrible happening that needs your immediate attention.

I would refuse to drive her in those circumstances.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 28/03/2022 12:23

Surely it would be dangerous to drive a car with her as a passenger (or is it in a taxi?)

TheUsualShitshow · 28/03/2022 12:29

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

Is the trip to the Sistine Chapel (sorry couldn't resist being flippant)?
Taking the piss out of Tourrette's. How very original.

Maybe have a wee think about the variety of people on this thread, some of whom will no doubt have TS, or have children who struggle to live with it.

It's not ok to take the piss out of the funny disabilities.

Imaysnapandfart · 28/03/2022 12:38

@TheUsualShitshow - pretty sure this is a reference to a thread a while ago about someone's complete overreaction to the Sistine Chapel, not taking the piss out of TS. My son has TS and I didn't think it offensive

incognitoforthisone · 28/03/2022 12:38

Is your own disability diagnosed, and have you previously disclosed it to your employer? If so, then they should make reasonable adjustments for you. The key word there is 'reasonable', though - it's possible that their idea of reasonable is not the same as yours. 'Make it so that I don't have to work with her closely' or 'don't make me go on visits with her' might not be reasonable. But 'let me travel separately from her so I don't get startled when I'm driving' or 'let me wear headphones in the office to screen out noise' might be.

There is obviously nothing your colleague can do about her disability, which I assume is Tourette's. I hope that when you spoke to her about it, you were a bit more tactful and considerate than you've been here, but either way, I think you should be able to find a compromise with your employer on this regarding some adjustments to help you, even they can't make allowances to the full extent you're hoping for.

TheUsualShitshow · 28/03/2022 12:44

[quote Imaysnapandfart]@TheUsualShitshow - pretty sure this is a reference to a thread a while ago about someone's complete overreaction to the Sistine Chapel, not taking the piss out of TS. My son has TS and I didn't think it offensive[/quote]
I know what it refers to and I do find it offensive. One of my children has TS.

The multiple people laughing afterwards and the person who called the women with the disability 'Sistine Chapel Lady' were no better.

Clymene · 28/03/2022 12:51

Part of reasonable adjustments is making risk assessments. A passenger who randomly screams loudly is putting the driver (and the passenger) at risk. I would ask what risk assessments they have carried out.

I bet they haven't done one.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/03/2022 12:52

Even if OP hasn't declared her disability she doesn't have to drive to the visits with her colleague. I don't have a disability a but there's no way I would be giving a lift to someone who randomly screamed. While I obviously have sympathy for the colleague she would need to make her own way there as I'd be worried about having an accident.

godmum56 · 28/03/2022 12:57

@Georgeskitchen

I would certainly refuse to drive anywhere with the person concerned as a passenger. Could be very dangerous indeed. Your employers need to ensure the safety of everyone not just the select few
This. As an ex manager, even though the woman has a disability, I would say that she could not be a passenger in a car for work purposes as the risk to the driver and other passengers is very clear. I would say that thiss is one of those circumstances where its not reasonable to make an adjustment for this person.
GCAcademic · 28/03/2022 12:57

The OP's disability isn't even a factor here. It's dangerous to drive when someone is screaming and no one should be put in this position by their employer. Making reasonable adjustments for someone with a disability does not mean putting another member of staff in a dangerous situation. Very few people would not find this distracting when driving.

MadameGazelleBand · 28/03/2022 12:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Hugasauras · 28/03/2022 13:03

Definitely don't drive - it sounds very dangerous! They'll need to make other arrangements. I don't have any auditory sensitivity problems, but someone randomly screaming without warning while I was driving would not be safe at all.