Just found out OW is having a baby from 10 year old

Itwasntmeright · 28/03/2022 08:44

Sorry, I thought the 10-year-old was pregnant for a minute there.

Being a single parent is crap OP, I feel your pain. She is however allowed to change her mind about wanting kids, but if it’s any consolation to you, his childfree weekends won’t be childfree for much longer, until he walks out on her like he walked out on you that is.

katicomps · 28/03/2022 08:44

I'm sorry op, it must be such a slap in the face to hear it from your kid AND he's making him keep secrets, which is just so wrong.

He gets his child free weekends every other week well at the moment. I’m literally never on my own.
How come, if your kids go to him eow?

Loopytiles · 28/03/2022 08:45

Sorry that to compound his affair ex has been a poor parent since leaving.

That’s a really shit position for your ex to put your youngest DC in. Suggest a talk with DC about it not being ok for adults to ask DC to keep secrets that make you feel bad inside - useful material on that on websites like NSPCC.

I would also ask your ex not to ask DC to keep secrets.

RJnomore1 · 28/03/2022 08:47

The oldest refuses to go @katicomps

Acht op it’s crap. No denying it. It was really unfair of him to tell a 10 year old to keep a secret from you too.

Ops1 · 28/03/2022 08:47

Well... they have been in a relationship for "at least" 1.5 years that you know of...

The lady is what..29/30 now? Its ok for them to decide to have a child together

Them having a child together is seperate to your no child free time. Thats your childrens relationship with their father seperate to him having another dc

Ultimately though id be very angry at asking a 10yo to keep a secret

RJnomore1 · 28/03/2022 08:47

Apologies I misread that, that’s not what was said at all!

BloodyloveGeorge · 28/03/2022 08:48

It’s shit but ultimately this new baby is your kids half sibling. Perhaps focus on that?
Would also speak to ex about asking the kid to keep it secret. Too much pressure.

Hisea · 28/03/2022 08:51

More fool her for having a child with a man who doesn't seem to bother with his existing children!

I will never understand what women see in men like this

AllOfUsAreDead · 28/03/2022 08:53

I'd laugh. He's 42 and going back to babies screaming. So much for his 'wonderful' life away from his first lot of kids, and I bet she won't want only one.

Plus his current children don't even seem to like him. The eldest won't even go and see him. He's lost out here big time, he's got 3 kids already who likely will all end up hating him, and he's about to another maybe more at an older age when he thought he was basically in semi retirement stage. He's gone and fucked up his life royally.

Laugh about it op. It's funny, it's not sad. Your youngest child is 10, you've only got really another 7/8 years left then you can do what you want. He's got 18! He'll be 60 before he can start having fun again, that's if he doesn't abandon her too which he probably will. His life sucks.

Original poster

LexieB · 28/03/2022 08:54

yes sorry have no idea really what my point even is. Just painful really. The 10 year old goes EOW not the 14 and 17 year old. Their dad insisted on the OW being there from the get go and they didn’t want to meet her. Think it’s more he’s not a great dad to our kids. She insisted when he left me he never spoke to me again which he has done. Co parenting is impossible.

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FiveForAPound · 28/03/2022 08:54

@Hisea

More fool her for having a child with a man who doesn't seem to bother with his existing children!

I will never understand what women see in men like this

Absolutely. She's a fool.

He's a knob for telling your ten year old to keep in a secret from you. He should not have done that.

For the sake of your dc I would be positive about their new sibling.

He won't be enjoyed any child free weekends in a few months.

Original poster

LexieB · 28/03/2022 09:00

I will be positive for them
hard though as she sent texts telling the ex in detailed description how to leave my kids naming them and to tell them he would be away for a bit but they could contact him on his phone…..

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Gowithme · 28/03/2022 09:04

Well OP maybe she told him at first she didn't want children because he said he didn't want any more.........and then she did and he's got himself stuck in a bit of a situation where she's talked him into it or it was an accident - but I doubt it's what he really wants.

Yours will all be adults in 8 years. He'll be 60 before this latest one turns 18 - and could be older if she wants more which isn't unlikely. I bet this isn't what he had in mind when he started the affair.

He's already a crap father to the ones he's got - asking them to keep secrets for him? What's wrong with him?

TwoShades1 · 28/03/2022 09:06

It’s obviously not appropriate that they told them to keep it a secret. But they have been a relationship a while and are perfectly sensible ages to have a child. When I got pregnant we didn’t specifically tell my step childrens mum, we told the kids though and they didn’t have to keep it a secret or anything!

HomeHomeInTheRange · 28/03/2022 09:08

Piss poor parenting by him.

It’s good that your Ds told you. Did he say what specifically he was upset about? Maybe he doesn’t fully know. It could be hard to lose his place as baby if the family. To know that his Dad will have another child to prioritise. It’s a further sign that his Dad has left the family he lives in. Jealousy is an understandable reaction.

I would listen to his concerns, gently point out that the baby will be a little person in their own right and he will be able to get to know a new little half brother or sister.

Your ex is a twat, and the woman is batshit, who does she think she is to ban him from speaking to the mother of his children? And why would he agree to such a thing! Some men lose all integrity and decency once they start thinking with their dicks.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 28/03/2022 09:09

He's going back to nappies. Again.
After doing it all 3 times before. The stupid bastard.
He probably won't enjoy it much, I'd say and I'd bet good money he that didn't want this either.

Leave him to it.
Personally, I would be laughing at him.

LBFseBrom · 28/03/2022 09:14

@Itwasntmeright

Sorry, I thought the 10-year-old was pregnant for a minute there.

Being a single parent is crap OP, I feel your pain. She is however allowed to change her mind about wanting kids, but if it’s any consolation to you, his childfree weekends won’t be childfree for much longer, until he walks out on her like he walked out on you that is.

I too thought a ten year old was pregnant or OW was pregnant from a ten year old! Glad to hear that is not the case.

I feel sorry for you, op. The baby may have been conceived by accident but now it is a fact, they have decided to get on with it.

You have every other weekend without your young son, make the most of that.

It must be so tough, please take every opportunity to enjoy yourself. You still have a life to live and it can still be good, especially as your children get older and you have more freedom.

Original poster

LexieB · 28/03/2022 09:16

yes the 10 year old enjoys being baby of the family. The older 2 don’t want to be involved with the child they don’t even see OW. Also youngest worried dad won’t spend time with him and how annoying screaming baby will be. I work, get no help in week, the dad lives 1.5 hours away, Hes already reduced what he pays us. Divorce still going through.

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Sharrowgirl · 28/03/2022 09:16

His relationship is not going to end well and he’s going to be left with two sets of kids that he has responsibility for, half of which don’t like him.

Hugs for you, I’m sure it’s hurts. But you console yourself with the fact he’s made a mess of his life.

BeHappy91818 · 28/03/2022 09:18

They have been in a relationship got 1.5 years?

Seems a natural thing to happen to be honest.

Maybe you should work on the older kids going around there to enable you to have some child free time?

Original poster

LexieB · 28/03/2022 09:18

clearly none of this is anything to do with a baby. But they don’t view it as positive news they aren’t interested

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Cakecakecheese · 28/03/2022 09:19

No wonder the eldest two don't want to see him if he thinks it's fine to burden a ten year old with a secret.

Original poster

LexieB · 28/03/2022 09:20

I have tried to get them to go, believe me it would be good for me! but they don’t want to. he lives 1.5 hours away. Their friends, girlfriends and weekend jobs/activities are here where we live

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Clymene · 28/03/2022 09:20

@LexieB

yes the 10 year old enjoys being baby of the family. The older 2 don’t want to be involved with the child they don’t even see OW. Also youngest worried dad won’t spend time with him and how annoying screaming baby will be. I work, get no help in week, the dad lives 1.5 hours away, Hes already reduced what he pays us. Divorce still going through.

Is he paying the CSA mandated amount?

Sorry he sounds like an absolute shit. His life is going to be miserable now though so I suppose there's that

Original poster

LexieB · 28/03/2022 09:21

oh it’s a boy which is probably what upsets my youngest. i think he is jealous which is understandable

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