Just found out OW is having a baby from 10 year old

[LexieB]

My husband left 1.5 years ago after having an affair. Just before bed my 10 year old let me know she’s pregnant. His dad told him to keep it secret. He did for a week but said he couldn’t anymore as it was upsetting him. My older 2 children didn’t even know. When he left us he was all like OW doesn’t want children she was 28 he’s 42 wtf
I’m left doing all the childcare with our 3. Older 2 refuse to go. Just feel really sad for my kids. He gets his child free weekends every other week well at the moment. I’m literally never on my own.

Sympathies op. Stepping back from everything, I feel for the new baby (child, adult to be). I picked up on fact that the ow won’t allow you to talk to your ex. What a nasty immature woman/future mother the child has. Maybe she’ll grow up and be a kinder person when the new child arrives. How awkward for her own child that she’s made your existing parenting relationship so impossible. Anyway I wish you all the best. If I could, I’d focus on the innocence of the new baby. Your ex’s relationship with his gf is about to change big time. He too sounds like an immature prick asking your 10 yo to keep secrets! At least your kids have you, and how fab your 10 year old could open up to you. A credit to you as a parent 💐

@AllOfUsAreDead

I'd laugh. He's 42 and going back to babies screaming. So much for his 'wonderful' life away from his first lot of kids, and I bet she won't want only one.

Plus his current children don't even seem to like him. The eldest won't even go and see him. He's lost out here big time, he's got 3 kids already who likely will all end up hating him, and he's about to another maybe more at an older age when he thought he was basically in semi retirement stage. He's gone and fucked up his life royally.

Laugh about it op. It's funny, it's not sad. Your youngest child is 10, you've only got really another 7/8 years left then you can do what you want. He's got 18! He'll be 60 before he can start having fun again, that's if he doesn't abandon her too which he probably will. His life sucks.

Absolutely this.

I would be having a quiet chuckle. He left behind his family responsibilities for a carefree 28 year old who assured him that she didn't want children. Then... surprise! Totally unexpected pregnancy (ahem). No more child free weekends for him.

He shouldn't have told your DC to keep it secret, but he would have had to tell him about the baby, and that always would have been unsettling. But your DC will come to terms with it, and since your children are mostly with you, the impact will be less.

I have and always will tell my ex keeping secrets is not allowed its a massive safeguarding concern and the last time we ended up with a social worker who he expected to be on his side she totally flipped shit at him and his petty threats told him he can't have been concerned about an "incident" over three years ago because he did nothing about it three years ago and why was he bringing up my ex partner? because I broke up with him and he took it badly? We were broke up get over it

It was joyous to see him be seen as in the wrong by someone other than me

Thank you that means a lot to me. My mum died a month after he left. I’m doing it all alone. I wanted nothing more to be a great co parent. The pair of them have been nothing but unkind to me. He didn’t even visit our dAughter in A and E. everything is always my fault! i’ve literally slogged my guts out. The OW has not encouraged good relations at all
her exact words were Never Console your wife you may have caused the issue but she has other people to rely on now. Who says stuff like that

Well he's an aul slapper and she sounds like a weapon. Laugh at the fact he's going to be changing nappies again! Good enough for them.

Her chickens will come home to roost when he does the same thing to her as he did to you. She’s young and naive and sucking up all the bullshit he’s been feeding her. She’ll learn.

Someone who has got together with someone they know to be untrustworthy. She can't trust him to not stray as he already has.

My first thought would be what a shit father and poor kids all round having one like him

Be more worried about the fact he expects a 10 year old to keep something secret that has the potential to upset him. Focus on making the 10 year old feel better about that, reassuring them they can rely on you to always be truthful, reliable and not burden them with secrets, etc.
It's just more proof that he's a really rubbish parent, which OW will come to appreciate no doubt over time. Just stand back and let that happen, cool as a cucumber.

Just wanted to say .
Something very very similar happened to me, same OW senario, in my case they waited 4 and a bit years after he walked out before OW had her baby, but my exH was 45 when the baby was born.
I am half expecting my two to come back and say this OW is now pregnant with number two (exH is now 47).

It is crap to watch your own kids missing out from that day to day input from their father, but it is all your exH's making.

And what MrFsAunt Mon 28-Mar-22 09:25:41 said in spades.

Your OH is very very wrong to ask your child to keep secrets, especially such an important one.

I don't understand why people who don't parent the children they have, have more. Just wait OP she'll be left holding the baby.
I also wouldn't push your ten year old to visit if he doesn't want to, it's horrendous that he told a ten year old and made him keep a secret from his mother.

@AllOfUsAreDead

I'd laugh. He's 42 and going back to babies screaming. So much for his 'wonderful' life away from his first lot of kids, and I bet she won't want only one.

Plus his current children don't even seem to like him. The eldest won't even go and see him. He's lost out here big time, he's got 3 kids already who likely will all end up hating him, and he's about to another maybe more at an older age when he thought he was basically in semi retirement stage. He's gone and fucked up his life royally.

Laugh about it op. It's funny, it's not sad. Your youngest child is 10, you've only got really another 7/8 years left then you can do what you want. He's got 18! He'll be 60 before he can start having fun again, that's if he doesn't abandon her too which he probably will. His life sucks.

This! He's fucked, OP. The fun and carefree twenty something he ran off with has followed the script to the letter, hit her 30s and decided she does want kids after all. All his free time is going to evaporate and over the next couple of years, while your kids spread their wings and you get your time and life back, he's going to be up to his elbows in dirty nappies, baby sick and sleepless nights. His fifties will be the primary school years, his sixties will be teenage moodiness and rebellion. He'll be late sixties, wanting to retire but having to fund kids through driving lessons and uni.

He is FUCKED. I don't think he'll leave this one though as it would be far too screamingly obviously he's an absolute twat, having walked out on two women & two sets of kids, and he won't risk being on his own. He's stuck and if he isn't already cursing himself, he will be soon.

I laughed OP. Imagine going through the whole baby stage for a 4th time? The OW will soon see him for who he is too. I don't know why she'd expect him to be a decent father to another child when he has two who want nothing to do with him and a 3rd who he asks to keep secrets...

OP, you can still do stuff on EOW weekends - 17 and 14 years old can be reasonably left on their own for a few hours whilst you go out/on dates etc. Heck in another year, your eldest will be off to college or university (or starting work) whilst the middle one starts GCSEs and your youngest embarks on their secondary school options. They are getting more independent and it's going to get successively easier. Whereas your ex is going back to shitty nappies and sleepless nights.

I hope you got a SHL and you are getting your fair share of the assets based on the fact your kids are resident with you. Ditto the CSA contributions.

Don't worry OP she'll be complaining soon about how she had no idea he was a shit dad and that she never saw it coming that she'd have to do all the childcare 🙄

What a fool that woman is. She's going to end up exactly where you are now.

Who else thought a Ten yr old was a father of a child?!
Title is somewhat misleading!

OW usually try to have kids - but are likely to then be left in turn.

"I don't understand why people who don't parent the children they have, have more. Just wait OP she'll be left holding the baby."

Because the kind of men who do this, do this because they can more than because they want more kids. Because the kind of men who do this know that in society it is acceptable to walk out on one woman with multiple of your children, to take up with another much younger woman and do it all again - and society is absolutely good with that. A lot of families also do not blink an eye at it.
Everyone just ignores the fact that men just want all-the-sex with that woman 14 (or whatever number) years younger than then those men hide their own feelings when surprise! that younger woman does indeed also want children. I have observed in other places those younger woman purposefully set out to have just as many children as the first wife had (first wife had 2, they want 2, first wife had 3, they want 3 etc) because they see it as some kind of contest.
And yes, the type of man who can walk out the first time will not think it is too much of a big deal do it again the second time around.

However I think there is something in this - i.e. he might stay this time "because he does not want to be alone" more than any other particular reason:

" I don't think he'll leave this one though as it would be far too screamingly obviously he's an absolute twat, having walked out on two women & two sets of kids, and he won't risk being on his own."

Aside from how shit this is for your poor children, I hope you find some comfort in the fact that his unencumbered merriment with a younger woman is about to end.

Why is a new sibling not good news for your children? What has him having child free weekends got to do with it ?

Agree it does get easier as dc get older. Teen years are tricky but after that you get to the point where they actually appreciate the parent who stayed and notice how hard you work and how much you sacrificed for them. You and your dc will be a super close family and he will be the dad they think of as a . So there is some payback for all that effort you put in even if it doesn’t feel like it now.

Jeez, this is all so nasty. Just pass on your congratulations and help your kids accept the happy news. A new life is a blessing. Your hurt will pass OP.

If it's any consolation they are about to get the shock of their lives.
He left because he got bored with family life. Now, just as your DC are becoming independent and great company he is setting up for another round of the hardest years.
She has just had a child with an awful dad. I'm guessing she might have one more before he finds another woman.
At least your DC are at the age where you can work and earn well and not need expensive childcare.
He'll run through the second family much faster and she'll be left with little one/s and SFA child support.