Just found out OW is having a baby from 10 year old

[LexieB]

My husband left 1.5 years ago after having an affair. Just before bed my 10 year old let me know she’s pregnant. His dad told him to keep it secret. He did for a week but said he couldn’t anymore as it was upsetting him. My older 2 children didn’t even know. When he left us he was all like OW doesn’t want children she was 28 he’s 42 wtf
I’m left doing all the childcare with our 3. Older 2 refuse to go. Just feel really sad for my kids. He gets his child free weekends every other week well at the moment. I’m literally never on my own.

"I am sorry this must be very painful for you although I can’t work out why you don’t have alone time with a 17 and a 14 year old even if you have to take the 14 old to clubs."

This is spoken by someone who has never been a single parent to teenagers who is parenting more or less alone.

"He will also be the older Dad at the school gates, trying to compete with the fit guys in their early 30s"

There is every chance that OP's ex husband never did the school run the first time around and he won't start being bothered to do it once his new baby starts school when he is 47 odd.

Parents who can just walk out on their children are often take it or leave it about the day-to-day care and jobs of raising children like the school run etc

Oh well! Life will teach the OW a lesson and what goes around comes around!

@dangerrabbit

Oh well! Life will teach the OW a lesson and what goes around comes around!

And what will it teach the OP's ExH?

@LexieB

yes sorry have no idea really what my point even is. Just painful really. The 10 year old goes EOW not the 14 and 17 year old. Their dad insisted on the OW being there from the get go and they didn’t want to meet her. Think it’s more he’s not a great dad to our kids. She insisted when he left me he never spoke to me again which he has done. Co parenting is impossible.

I had exactly this. OW controlled every bit of our communication and Co-parenting was impossible. Ultimately, ex gave up contact with our son and while I did eventually obtain a prohibited steps order against OW because of her shit treatment of my child, she still got what she wanted which was both of us out of the way 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's so very difficult. Be prepared for contact to become very low level/stop when this new child arrives. Also, she's behaving like this because she's insecure. She's just at the start of her problems. Your children have you

He’s an absolute shit for asking a ten year old to keep such a huge secret. Must have been very distressing for the child.
Probably not very kind of me but if I were you I would take comfort in the fact this will likely all end in tears. A car crash in slow motion is still a car crash.

What would upset me

Is idea of my DS suffering with burden of the secret

yes my 10 year old was on a very distressed state. I was pleased he spoke to his year 6 teacher about it. We have given him lots of love and hugs. He is very worried and feels guilty incase he has upset the other 2 as my DD started crying

we have given him lots of reassurance

* her exact words were Never Console your wife you may have caused the issue but she has other people to rely on now. Who says stuff like that*

Who told you this OP?

OP I fee for you but she's not the OW anymore, he is your ExH an she is his partner. It is a shit situation but you need to move on. You have EOW with just the teenagers, they can be left on their own so you can go out and do your own thing, either dating, or just meeting friends and doing some things for yourself. You can also leave the 10 yo with the older ones if you wanted to go out. I think if you did this it would change your perception.

I read those things in messages from her to my ex

yes your right she is his partner. I do lots of lovely things. I guess it feels sad the older 2 aren’t with their dad

just like my life has imploded last 1.5 years! affair, divorce, mum dying, now a baby it’s just be a lot
onwards and upwards though

I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling sad or angry about any of this op, especially as you've only just found out about the new baby (and in such a shitty way). There is far too much pressure on women, who have had their lives and families shat on by the man they were supposed to be able to trust, to be calm and understanding and kind and think of everyone else except themselves. Fuck that.

Do you have any hobbies? Or you work?
Very difficult time, just wondering if you have an outlet

yes i think it’s that! not being a loser but he didn’t see any of them first few months he left. I’ve got up every day for work, cleaned, cooked, done all the school
admin. visit my dying mum. I have no other family help. I’ve always been positive for kids but i’m not a robot!

Jesus I thought you meant your ten year old made her pregnant bloody hell.... My heart!

I'm so sorry OP. How awful for you and what a way to find out

@dangerrabbit

Oh well! Life will teach the OW a lesson and what goes around comes around!

That view is such a MN view and not the truth at all. There is no karma, there is no 'what goes around comes around'. It doesn't help anyone at all. I wish people would stop spouting it.

yes i would, go to spin, been on lovely dates have loads of friends! 3 cats 😂 love walking/cooking! it’s just the way i thought things would turn out!

"yes your right she is his partner"

technically she might be his partner now and for as long as he stays with her.
But the ex husband was sleeping with this person when he was still with OP. That makes her an OW.

Sounds like OW has gotten what she deserves with this one OP.

Feel for you and your DC. Being first family sucks. Your youngest is 10 now and things for you will get easier over time even though it doesn't seem like it now.

EXDH is up to his neck in it again. He has form for being useless at it too, the irony. Wonder how soon he will be coming to you for a shoulder to cry on.

yes I work i mean.

OP please try to feel lucky that you see your children more than their dad does so you can have a positive impact on them as a great mum - use this as an opportunity to take the higher ground, dont engage with their dad just focus on supporting your children and encourage them to view the situation as a positive as much as possible. Explain how you're not upset and think it is a nice thing, you're sure they will have lots of fun together with the new sibling (even if on the inside you're throwing darts at the pair of them!).
She is his partner now and maybe taking a different approach in her too will help, instead of labelling her as the OW and holding onto texts said at the beginning of their relationship when it was all so horrible. Maybe then your children will feel more comfortable with their dad and the woman, and you will get some free time. She may have grown up since the start of it all and now she's becoming a mum may be able to see her errors. I can tell in your post you care so much about your kids and want the best for them.

I think the comments about ExH being 'old' are unnecessary - I had my DD at 39 and my DH was 44, they just feel ageist and unnecessary. Age doesn't equate to energy or being less able to cope. OP doesn't need to be petty and wish ill on others, she needs support and kindness on here.

Sorry he had an affair, that's a horrible thing for you to go through and it's awful that he's telling your children to keep secrets.

But what is wtf about those ages? 28 and 42? Both very much adults. Exact same age difference as my husband and me. There's nothing wtf about it. There's nothing foolish about having a baby at 42. Why do these threads have to become age bashing the younger women? The problem was your ex not keeping his dick in his pants and being a good husband. Not that she is younger.