Men do not like talking to fat woman

[Happymiraclemorning]

Ok not all men- but here me out

I’m a receptionist. I work with 3 other woman all slim I am fat - size 20

I have noticed over the years of my job men very often will go to the other girl to be served. I often will make conversation but can see their face go blank and show zero interest in having a chat. I can’t help but feel this is due to me being fat. Almost terrified someone will see them chatting to someone fat.

I’m very happily married- I don’t mean chatting men up - I’m working and to make the day go faster it’s nice chatting to people.

I lost a lot of weight once and got down to a size 12. I noticed a massive difference, men would at least look me in the eye and would happily chat.

AIBU or do you think there is some truth in this?

I agree with you. I work in a similar environment to you and experience the same on a daily basis unfortunately

Yes, I agree. It is sad how the bigger you are, the more invisible you become.

I’m bigger than you .. and have never experienced this. I’ve got lots of male friends who I’ve made through work .. we have very nice chats.

I to am happily married, and I get flirted with a lot… nice for the ego, not that I would do anything.

I'm sure you are right sadly

Yes, it's true.

Yep I’m an invisible size 18

It is true , even worse when your older and have gained weight too :(
I'm invisible now, it doesn't bother me , but I understand how you feel op
It's their problem though.

Yes definitely

I have no idea but if you have experienced both sides of the equation you are probably onto something.

Interestingly my (male) DP is very overweight indeed and never suffers this, so I would say that if you are male you get the opposite - as he gets a lot of respect and 'chatting', which implies to me that it isn't just a body problem it's sexism, which makes it even worse.

I made some polite small talk with a guy about my age (late 20s, early 30s) I swear the colour drained from his face

I guess it's the birds and the bees, people are drawn to people they find attractive, both men and women

Of course it’s true. Being slim and beautiful always gets you an advantage

I only get this problem with men, never woman. I’m fact I find woman tend to come to me rather than the other girls.

I agree with previous poster - my husband is a bigger guy and everyone’s always chatting to him and he’s got lots of mates that are woman.

You’re right.

Yanbu.

Unfortunately I'm not exactly...pretty either so people can't even say "yeah she's big but she got a lovely face"

I often think that if dh and I split up I wouldn't find anyone else but sometimes I think after being together for 20 odd years I couldn't be bothered with another relationship anyway so why worry and then in the next breath I'd be thinking I'd love it if someone fancied me

@Momicrone

I guess it's the birds and the bees, people are drawn to people they find attractive, both men and women

No it’s an objectification culture that reduces women to sex toys.

The further women diverge from the objectified sexual ideal of slim, young, groomed, conventionally attractive and smiling, the less use male culture has for them.

If it was as you suggest, it would work both ways. It doesn’t.

It’s frustrating as I’m not ‘chatting them up’ I’m just saying, good morning

I hope it doesn’t bother you OP. It’s the utter dicks who are swerving you. So a win, really.

Unfortunately it is true. However I actively go to the slightly ‘heavier’ receptionist ladies when there’s a choice, just find they are maybe a bit more ‘receptive’ (sorry!)

Honestly not my experience at all.

I guess it's the birds and the bees, people are drawn to people they find attractive, both men and women

This is weird, and bollocks. I don't know if anyone ever told you but not everybody is attracted to people with a conventionally "slim" body.

It does get me down. I’ve been in my job the longest 15 years - when male clients come in to ask a question they never come to me. Some of the girls I work with have given wrong advice. When I’ve discreetly and professionally correct the situation they still will take the advice from the slimmer girl that isn’t giving the correct advice. It definitely affects my work and it’s frustrating on that level.

It also obviously makes me feel shit like I’m not even worthy of a polite ‘good morning response’

Not my experience at all!!

Yes OP, you’re not wrong.

I’ve ranged from a size 8 to a current size 18 (eds galore here- joy!), and the bigger I’ve become, the more I’ve been left alone by men.

It’s incredibly hurtful, tiresome and annoying to be honest.

Unfortunately- as another poster once lamented- it’s as if men are ‘scared’ that if they talk to us curvy ladies, they’ll have to marry us or something.

I wish I had a badge that said: “Don’t worry; I promise you I’m not interested in you or being impregnated by you. You’re safe to come on over!!”.

I'm a size 26/28 and I have never had this experience. Most if not all of the men I speak to are polite and make nice small talk just like the would with anyone else. And if anyone does avoid me because of my size then I don't consider that to be a great loss to be honest.