Men do not like talking to fat woman

[Happymiraclemorning]

Ok not all men- but here me out

I’m a receptionist. I work with 3 other woman all slim I am fat - size 20

I have noticed over the years of my job men very often will go to the other girl to be served. I often will make conversation but can see their face go blank and show zero interest in having a chat. I can’t help but feel this is due to me being fat. Almost terrified someone will see them chatting to someone fat.

I’m very happily married- I don’t mean chatting men up - I’m working and to make the day go faster it’s nice chatting to people.

I lost a lot of weight once and got down to a size 12. I noticed a massive difference, men would at least look me in the eye and would happily chat.

AIBU or do you think there is some truth in this?

I completely relate to a lot of the posts in this thread! Currently a size 22 but trying to get myself down to a 16

I'm late 20s now but when I was 17 I was only a size 10 though I've had chunky calves all my life, it's like the top and bottom of my body don't match! Anyway when I was 17 I was on a works christmas night out and my mum convinced me to wear a dress (I always hated wearing dresses because I was self-conscious about my legs) but I thought why not, it was a really lovely dress (a river island bestseller that year). I had a good night and at the end of the night I was standing outside the pub waiting for my mum to pick me up and some guy either 30s/40s nudged his mate then pointed at me and shouted "look her fat legs" then started howling histerically! An awful experience, and when I look back it always seems worse that a grown man would say that to a young girl!

Sadly I think this is one of the reasons I've let myself go over the years and allowed myself to get fat, it's almost like well my legs are fat anyway so the rest of me may as well be!

Weight should be a protected characteristic

That sounds horrid, what arseholes!

Tbh though arseholes will pick on you for something. A bit like bullies. If you’re not fat then you’re ginger or old or have acne. This shit used to bother me in my 20s but in my 40s I’m likely to go up and have a word with someone who takes a pop.

Ive had the same but from men and women. The bigger you are the more invisible you are.

I'm 44 and I've gone from a 20 down to a 10, the difference in interactions is very noticeable, I've never had any issues with confidence so it wasn't that!

The worst are women to me. They’re too cowardly to be upfront and just make snide remarks. Most of them are miserable eating vegan crap and exercising when they don’t want to so I get why they’d resent a happy fat woman.

Weight should be a protected characteristic

^I know it was likely meant as a lighthearted comment… but the sad thing is, I sometimes think how it’s my appearance which has caused the most discrimination in my life.
Despite being disabled and from a minority background. I’d never voice this opinion in real life because most people wouldn’t take me seriously and think I’m minimising other discrimination but that’s just been my experience 🤷‍♀️

100% agree @Happymiraclemorning

As a few pps have said, I have much more attention from men when I am a bit thinner (size 14, and 11 stone.) At size 18-20 and 15 stone, I get royally ignored, and get men roughly my own age (40-60) being incredibly rude and ignorant, and looking at me like I'm a piece of shit.

I have even had people saying 'you look soooo much better thinner, you're so much prettier thinner, and don't you look great thinner?'

I was a bit chubby at school and got mocked by other kids. When I was 16/17 I lost 3 stone. (Dropped to 9 stone, and a size 10.) The same girls who taunted me told me how much better I look now, and the same boys who taunted me, suddenly fancied me and wanted to date me.

I was even told by someone at work - when I was in my 20s - that I got the job over an equally qualified woman, because I was slim, and she was fat. They assumed fat = lazy and unmotivated.

Also, as has been said, some men don't want to appear too friendly if a woman is fat (preferably not friendly at all!) as God forbid you (or someone else) thinks they fancy you.

Reflecting on this is interesting. There is one other thing that those 3 ‘overweight by sexy’ women I mentioned earlier had in common. They all had an incredibly filthy sense of humour. Not outrageous and provocatively, but they knew how to project their sexuality through words. It made men like moths to their flame.

This is again, how the world works. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but it’s reality.

I don’t think I like men very much

To be clear, I’m not saying people need to be like them, if it’s not you, its not you.

But it is interesting how the projection we create through our words and ‘aura’ can literally demolish the superficiality of others.

I don’t think I like men very much

Maybe that is the problem.

They can sense it.

Of course there is truth to this. I went from the size 10-12 to size 16 during the pandemic. I have food issues and always struggled to keep my weight off. The difference in how people treat me is astonishing. Including my female manager at work, I’m just not taken as seriously and people are less likely to have a “little chat” with me. Now, I know it’s partly due to my lack of confidence but I’m an open person who likes to socialise and I feel the difference.

@Happymiraclemorning

I don’t think I like men very much

Unfortunately, then that is what you will project to them, creating a vicious spiral. We are all subconsciously picking up on signals constantly. No one wants to talk to someone who doesn’t like them.

@SwanBuster

To be clear, I’m not saying people need to be like them, if it’s not you, its not you.

But it is interesting how the projection we create through our words and ‘aura’ can literally demolish the superficiality of others.

Demolish the superficiality of a sexualised culture by having “FILTHY” senses of humour? Yeah that’ll show the patriarchy what for.

Thanks for the mansplaining.

Unfortunately, then that is what you will project to them, creating a vicious spiral. We are all subconsciously picking up on signals constantly. No one wants to talk to someone who doesn’t like them.

Yeah you know you’re not contributing anything helpful now?

"I feel like I should stop talking to men in general- stop them feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed."

Fuck that!

There are people at work I actively avoid. Men, women, trans.

There are people at work I like - men, women, trans.

The people I avoid 99% of the time think the world hates them.

I’m a cynical asshole. I think that power corrupts, and I don’t trust authority to ‘do the right thing’ by society. The people that think everyone hates them invariably seem to think it’s authority’s responsibility to protect them. Just imho.

It’s much much better to grab the responsibility for your life and how people treat you for yourself, rather than wishing others would change or be forced to change.

Yep I've heard that older women become invisible too.

@Happymiraclemorning I don't blame you for not liking men. I don't know about you but my parents taught me to think everyone is lovely, they didn't really warn me about what men can be like at all- sleazy, predatory, arseholes etc.

So over the years I learned that from experience.

Maybe you're lucky that less sleazeballs target you. Now I'm 45 I get a lot less hastle etc.

@Thoosa

Unfortunately, then that is what you will project to them, creating a vicious spiral. We are all subconsciously picking up on signals constantly. No one wants to talk to someone who doesn’t like them.

Yeah you know you’re not contributing anything helpful now?

I’m not saying anything that others aren’t. Which part of ‘don’t give a fuck about what others think’ is not encompassed by the above?

YANBU.

I think you can tell how genuine and nice a guy is by how he is with fat or less than perfect looking women (I'm obese and don't look great so I can totally relate to your OP).

Gosh @SwanBuster I’m sorry. I forgot you are a man and therefore must be appeased. I’m sure you’re completely right about everything. Of course your anecdote about fat women being sexy as long as they have a filthy (highly sexualised) sense of humour was most helpful. Your instructions to the OP to change herself and your kind elucidation of your manly view are doubtless solving all OP’s issues. Many thanks. 🙄

Do you think it's a confidence thing? I feel more confident when I'm smaller and tend to give off a more approachable vibe but when I'm heavier I'm more shy and uncomfortable in my own skin. Just a thought!

I disagree. I am fat, and have been fat more than I've been thin, and I've never had a problem pulling or getting and holding mens attention.

I'd say most men like fat more than skinny ime.

@LottyD32 of course most men don't like fat rather than skinny

Are you not reading this thread? Have you not read all the other threads exactly the same as this? Do you not watch TV or go to the cinema?

@Thoosa

Gosh *@SwanBuster* I’m sorry. I forgot you are a man and therefore must be appeased. I’m sure you’re completely right about everything. Of course your anecdote about fat women being sexy as long as they have a filthy (highly sexualised) sense of humour was most helpful. Your instructions to the OP to change herself and your kind elucidation of your manly view are doubtless solving all OP’s issues. Many thanks. 🙄

Take it for what it is. It’s not mansplaining, as you put it. It’s a perspective based on observations. That filthy sense of humour was one part of a personality. They were also highly successful (in a conventional sense), independent and far more capable than the men surrounding them. They could take down the average male idiot with a look.

You are absolutely right op