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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men do not like talking to fat woman

249 replies

Happymiraclemorning · 25/03/2022 20:12

Ok not all men- but here me out

I’m a receptionist. I work with 3 other woman all slim I am fat - size 20

I have noticed over the years of my job men very often will go to the other girl to be served. I often will make conversation but can see their face go blank and show zero interest in having a chat. I can’t help but feel this is due to me being fat. Almost terrified someone will see them chatting to someone fat.

I’m very happily married- I don’t mean chatting men up - I’m working and to make the day go faster it’s nice chatting to people.

I lost a lot of weight once and got down to a size 12. I noticed a massive difference, men would at least look me in the eye and would happily chat.

AIBU or do you think there is some truth in this?

OP posts:
ItchyandVeryScratchy · 26/03/2022 17:48

I already posted but today I asked a man at football tournament my son was playing in which team was up next; he looked absolutely disgusted that he had to speak to me, especially as I didn't hear him the first time and he had to repeat the answer a few times. I don't know if he thought I was trying to "make conversation". He was no oil painting either. I am currently a size 18 - 20.

DreamTheMoors · 26/03/2022 17:53

@me4real

But of course, in your world view it’s probably down to the men to change their nature. Good luck with that.

@SwanBuster It'd be nice if the sleazy ones tried to change their attitude and behaviour.

@DreamTheMoors Sorry to hear you have a disability. How're you doing?

I can see that Amy in 1000lb sisters would want to have a family, like a lot of women. It's very good luck that her weight didn't overly effect her fertility, and the nutritional implications of surgery didn't have an impact on her pregnancy. I hope she carries on doing fairly ok. Yes she could've waited two years and it might've been better on the health front. But a lot of women want babies when they want them; the desire is very strong.

I don't tend to watch it but I watch videos about it on youtube. Grin

@me4real

Thanks for asking - my disability is due to a careless doctor & bad surgery many years ago now. I should’ve pursued him in court but I didn’t. Other people did, however, and the two hospitals, and millions were paid out. I believe he lost his license. I’m fine, although my disability is noticeable.
And yes — I understand Amy’s strong desire to have children. I hope, sincerely, that she can manage to keep her weight under control. I’m very happy that she will have two children as is her wish. I was mistaken, though — they will be two years apart.
I’ve not seen the YouTube videos, only the most recent TV episodes and read some of the fan remarks on Reddit. It appears Tammy is now residing in a nursing/care home and is a ward of the state, but the truth of this is to be determined.
I despair that I know so much…

jytdtysrht · 26/03/2022 18:00

You’re probably right.
But look at it this way. Weeds out the twats that aren’t worthy of your time or attention. Let them get the wrong advice. Don’t correct it.

hdjdjehhdhdvsv · 26/03/2022 18:06

definitely. When I used to wear make up I'd get chatted to all the time. on the street, in the shop blah blah blah by men.
As soon as I stopped I didn't as much.
Now I scrape my hair back in an untrusted mumbun and wear custom beans en toaste jeans with tshirt au de garden and it's like a perfect repellant. highly recomend. I will not be going back!

Gwenhwyfar · 26/03/2022 18:15

@Flyingteaspoon

I received the most male attention I’ve ever had in my 60+ years, when I was in my early 20s and was anorexic and weighed 6.5st. So bloody depressing when I think about it.
I had an anorexic friend who was constantly pestered when she went out. I think those men were mainly seeing the chiselled cheekbones and delicate collar bones. The boys at school who saw her more regularly had a different attitude and were worried about her.
Momicrone · 26/03/2022 18:16

Why does it matter if men speak to you or not? I also think not being immediately noticed by a man means they are treating me as some kind of pariah.

Gardeningcreature · 26/03/2022 18:29

Imagine if women only to spoke to slim, attractive men. That would mean around 90% of men would be routinely ignored!

YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 26/03/2022 18:44

@Gardeningcreature

Imagine if women only to spoke to slim, attractive men. That would mean around 90% of men would be routinely ignored!
Hmm

More than 50% of women are overweight/obese. Are all these women single?
I guess men do talk to fat women after all.

ALongHardWinter · 26/03/2022 18:56

Totally agree! I think some people (women as well as men) think that fat is contagious. Hmm

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 26/03/2022 19:12

I've even had men talk to me and deliberately avoid looking at me while they do, what are they worried I'll think they fancy me? . It's ridiculous

Gardeningcreature · 26/03/2022 19:14

Yvan that’s not what I said.
We are talking about being ignored in a professional manor, not getting married.
Of course overweight men and women are coupled up. That doesn’t mean that these same overweight, unattractive men are pleasant to bigger women outside of their own relationship. This thread has proven that.

TheNameOfTheRoses · 26/03/2022 19:18

@YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj what does coupling up have to do with treating bigger women decently on a day to day basis? You know like at work, in the street or at a party etc?

Or are bigger women only worth chatting up when sex is involved?

TheNameOfTheRoses · 26/03/2022 19:20

@Gardeningcreature

Imagine if women only to spoke to slim, attractive men. That would mean around 90% of men would be routinely ignored!
The problem is that they wont take kindly to that. They are too used to be listened to.
Original poster
Happymiraclemorning · 26/03/2022 19:43

Again I’m not talking about
Sexual attraction- I couldn’t care less if blokes ‘hit on me’. I’ve got a husband i absolutely adore.
In fact if a client hit on me or was inappropriate I’d complain to management.

I’m talking about just every day interaction.

I work in the medical field- so even if I’m sorting out boring things like appointments, prescriptions they panic when I talk to them

It makes me feel am I such a hideous monster I don’t deserve just basic manners and human interaction.

If I sort out an appointment for a bloke, smile and say thank you have a nice day- I’m not going to bone you!!!

OP posts:
PenguinPup · 26/03/2022 19:54

I was definitely treated differently at work because of how I looked. I've even had someone ask for "the pretty one" when asking to talk to my colleague! They dont seem to think there's anything wrong with behaving like that. One male colleague, when overhearing me talk to a female colleague about a date I went on, asked "Did you wear lots of make up?" Completely with a straight face. I dont think he even believed I went on a date. What an a-hole.

TheNameOfTheRoses · 26/03/2022 20:04

@Happymiraclemorning it’s not you it’s them.

Seriously, if they can’t be polite, it’s because they are twats. They would be twats to a slimmer woman but for a different reason (let’s say they didn’t them the appointment they wanted or whatever).
That’s them. And the way they look at women in general.

It’s not you. It’s not that ‘fatness could be contagious’ or whatever other explanation but simply sexist twats who think they are above everyone else.

Be yourself and ignore their behaviour. They are not worth it.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 27/03/2022 21:05

I have to say that having been fat and thin and having the same “pretty” face at all times, I have found that I am now on the other side of the spectrum where my manager favours me because he fancies me. According to others in the team. Women cannot win.

Asthenia · 27/03/2022 21:31

This is definitely a thing OP. I’m happily in a relationship but some men seem alarmed when I make polite small talk with them - it’s like they’re afraid to be polite/nice back in case the desperate fatty misconstrues their friendliness as something more and forces them to jump into bed with me Grin frustrating as I’m a naturally friendly and outgoing person but I second guess myself sometimes when talking to men!

Momicrone · 27/03/2022 22:05

Surely people should be allowed to talk to who ever they want to

Original poster
Happymiraclemorning · 27/03/2022 22:25

@Momicrone

Surely people should be allowed to talk to who ever they want to
So do you agree then that it’s ok for men to not talk to fat woman on a basic level?

That it’s ok to not a another human basic manners because they are fat? Because they don’t want to?

Sorry I don’t understand your comment?

OP posts:
Chonfox · 27/03/2022 23:32

Sadly I imagine there's some truth in that.

I've gained a few stone in the past year, the difference in how people/men treat me has been quite unsettling!

NellesVilla · 27/03/2022 23:55

@Momicrone, ?????

I totally agree with you, @Asthenia, us larger women can talk to men and not be trying to get it on with them! We’re not all raging nymphos!!

Gwenhwyfar · 28/03/2022 11:42

@Momicrone

Surely people should be allowed to talk to who ever they want to
In their social life yes, but at work? It would be discrimination in some cases.
Original poster
Happymiraclemorning · 28/03/2022 11:48

You can’t not talk to someone because they are fat ffs

Yes you don’t have to be friends with them but fat people deserve basic manners surely?

OP posts:
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