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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men do not like talking to fat woman

249 replies

Happymiraclemorning · 25/03/2022 20:12

Ok not all men- but here me out

I’m a receptionist. I work with 3 other woman all slim I am fat - size 20

I have noticed over the years of my job men very often will go to the other girl to be served. I often will make conversation but can see their face go blank and show zero interest in having a chat. I can’t help but feel this is due to me being fat. Almost terrified someone will see them chatting to someone fat.

I’m very happily married- I don’t mean chatting men up - I’m working and to make the day go faster it’s nice chatting to people.

I lost a lot of weight once and got down to a size 12. I noticed a massive difference, men would at least look me in the eye and would happily chat.

AIBU or do you think there is some truth in this?

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 25/03/2022 21:09

Yes it's true,I'm in my late 50s, recently lost a couple of stone after 10 years being heavy. I went somewhere to work and had a couple of men my own age chatting and fussing over me. It was very sweet of them but something that hasn't happened in a very very long time. I can only put it down to the weight loss, I think I must have been invisible when I looked like Humpty Dumpty...

CotswoldWoolly · 25/03/2022 21:09

Which, having typed it, is kind of ironic, given that you can hardly miss my elephantine self.

fibeee · 25/03/2022 21:10

I agree OP. I’ve been a size 10 in the past and am now a size 18. I used to get a lot of male attention but now I may as well be invisible to men. Don’t particularly care though!

Lovinglife45 · 25/03/2022 21:11

I think it depends on how you carry yourself and your overall appearance. Not every slim woman is hunted down by men.

I can think of two friends who are slim but because they lack confidence and cower in the background, they are often overlooked by men. I can think of several friends who would be classed as overweight - both over a size 16 and they get their fair share of attention when on nights out. They dress for their shape, wear flattering make up and modern hair styles. They are confident and it makes a huge difference to how others view them; men and women.

Gotajobthrunepotism · 25/03/2022 21:11

I will say one thing good about being fat though: you don’t attract the shallow type who only care about you looking hot and then go off you when you gain a few pounds.

Lots of my much better looking slim friends have ended up with absolute arseholes of men

dipdye · 25/03/2022 21:12

Totally agree. Men don't like talking to fat women.

I've been fat and I've been thin. It's two different worlds.

Heifer · 25/03/2022 21:13

I don't find this. I walk to work everyday and pass lots of men on the way who often smile at me, stop the car to let me cross, or move out of the way when they are in the way on the payvement by their car/van etc and when I say thank you and smile they often chat something back with a smile. I think it helps I have a smiley face - it's not my resting face but I have learnt to have a slight smile as my natural resting face is quite grumpy looking. I don't mean I walk around with a hugh weird smile on by the way though :-) more like :-] instead of :-(

Rainbows89 · 25/03/2022 21:13

Yep.

Not all though. And I also know that when I’m bigger I hide myself away a bit and don’t engage.

But also, yes.

AHungryCaterpillar · 25/03/2022 21:15

I definitely think it’s true, when I was slim I got loads of attention from men, ever since getting fat men completely ignore me now

TheChurchOfEli · 25/03/2022 21:16

Not just men, women are also horrible to fat women (and men).

SwanBuster · 25/03/2022 21:16

@dipdye

Totally agree. Men don't like talking to fat women.

I've been fat and I've been thin. It's two different worlds.

I don’t think it’s this clear cut. For sure - you’re right - some idiots are just idiots.

But people - Men and women - generally don’t like being around people who don’t like themselves, and somehow when we feel that way about ourselves we radiate a shield that people keep away from. I know that sounds like nonsense, but practically experience tells me there’s something in it.

When I’m down, people avoid me. When I’m up, they don’t.

tulips27 · 25/03/2022 21:17

Yes, I've been every size from 8 to 18 and I totally agree. But it was more of a "threshold" effect, with the threshold being around size 14. Also, it wasn't limited to talking. I would include all kinds of interactions like cars stopping to let you cross, men rushing to carry your suitcase at a station, everyday interactions like that.

WhoAre · 25/03/2022 21:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 25/03/2022 21:20

I don't think it's because of your size, but to do with how approachable you are, smiley and welcoming, as a person. Smiley and friendly overweight person win over skinny mean looking person for sure, imo.

SandyY2K · 25/03/2022 21:26

I agree with you.

ArtVandalay · 25/03/2022 21:28

I’m not fat but I know you’re absolutely right.

CandidaAlbicans78 · 25/03/2022 21:32

I actually found women just as bad! I don't even think it is about classic sexual attractiveness, I think it is more inferences people make about fat women. It's like saying you have no control/ you are an emotional wreck ( because we are expected to be in permanent persuit of 'thin') therefore you are more likely to be bad at other things. Men however, it makes no odds.

HereWeGoAgain322 · 25/03/2022 21:34

I'm a size 22 and this has never happened to me. Only thing I can think off, is when you lost all that weight, you gained a lot of confidence and this made you communicate better? Or come across as more approachable

EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter · 25/03/2022 21:37

I used to do reception work as a temp during uni holidays.

One day a man phoned through and was most jocular - then he said (and I remember this 25 years on…) - “you’ve got a lovely voice, are you the pretty one… … or uh … the other one”.

I’m the other one toots. My face doesn’t usually scare children but there you go. Arse-size terrifying.

lljkk · 25/03/2022 21:37

the bigger you are, the more invisible you become

That makes being bigger sound like an extremely attractive state, tbh.

ComDummings · 25/03/2022 21:39

Yes, you’re right.

Stephthegreat · 25/03/2022 21:40

I’m very fat and haven’t really noticed this at all. If people ignore me I don’t put it down to my size, having said that there are a lot of people who I’d be glad to avoid! In my job virtually the only people who speak to me are men, no idea why and I seem to get on with them more than the women.

My fatness really doesn’t bother me but I will be trying to get healthier mainly because it’s good for me. I used to be a size 8 and hated my body, always attracted a lot of attention and really it was not a happy time. Had many a weird creep approaching me.

Turkishdelightchocisace · 25/03/2022 21:41

I have seen this happen myself. I used to be anorexic and extremely underweight. I feel sad to say that the best I was ever treated by a lot of men was at my lowest weight. Now I'm a healthy weight and may aswell be invisible. It's very difficult to deal with but those men are just jerks and we need to tell ourselves that

EdgeOfSeventeenAndThreeQuarter · 25/03/2022 21:42

@lljkk

the bigger you are, the more invisible you become

That makes being bigger sound like an extremely attractive state, tbh.

Susie Orbach goes into great depth about that in “Fat is a Feminist Issue” - in that becoming/remaining fat is protection.
LaraDeSalle · 25/03/2022 21:42

I don’t think it’s just men I think women do it as well. Subconsciously we are drawn to what we perceive as being more attractive.

Of course in some cultures a woman who carries more weight will be more appealing.