Men do not like talking to fat woman

[Happymiraclemorning]

Ok not all men- but here me out

I’m a receptionist. I work with 3 other woman all slim I am fat - size 20

I have noticed over the years of my job men very often will go to the other girl to be served. I often will make conversation but can see their face go blank and show zero interest in having a chat. I can’t help but feel this is due to me being fat. Almost terrified someone will see them chatting to someone fat.

I’m very happily married- I don’t mean chatting men up - I’m working and to make the day go faster it’s nice chatting to people.

I lost a lot of weight once and got down to a size 12. I noticed a massive difference, men would at least look me in the eye and would happily chat.

AIBU or do you think there is some truth in this?

I don't think bigger women are taken seriously professionally.

@Thoosa

Gosh *@SwanBuster* I’m sorry. I forgot you are a man and therefore must be appeased. I’m sure you’re completely right about everything. Of course your anecdote about fat women being sexy as long as they have a filthy (highly sexualised) sense of humour was most helpful. Your instructions to the OP to change herself and your kind elucidation of your manly view are doubtless solving all OP’s issues. Many thanks. 🙄

But of course, in your world view it’s probably down to the men to change their nature. Good luck with that.

Many women have rejected me because of my height. The second I stopped giving a toss what they thought on that score, and embraced the fact that I can’t change it, so make the best of everything else - bingo. It didn’t make a difference. Even women who previously rejected me started to see me differently. It is 100% about confidence.

@MarthaFokker

I disagree. I am fat, and have been fat more than I've been thin, and I've never had a problem pulling or getting and holding mens attention.

I'd say most men like fat more than skinny ime.

@LottyD32 of course most men don't like fat rather than skinny

Are you not reading this thread? Have you not read all the other threads exactly the same as this? Do you not watch TV or go to the cinema?

This. ^ No way on God's earth are most men attracted to fat women over slimmer ones. Nope.

I don't think it's the case. You can still be attractive, charming and a bit fat! Your value isn't down to f*kability and not everyone sees women in that way.

No, most men definitely don't prefer fat women to skinny ones

@Happymiraclemorning

It does get me down. I’ve been in my job the longest 15 years - when male clients come in to ask a question they never come to me. Some of the girls I work with have given wrong advice. When I’ve discreetly and professionally correct the situation they still will take the advice from the slimmer girl that isn’t giving the correct advice. It definitely affects my work and it’s frustrating on that level.

It also obviously makes me feel shit like I’m not even worthy of a polite ‘good morning response’

This makes me feel terrible - nobody should ever be judged by their looks or appearance, yet everybody is judged by their looks or appearance. EVERYBODY. For me, it’s a physical disability - it doesn’t affect my mental capacity or my personality or anything, but still people judge and it’s disheartening. I decided years ago that it said much more about them than it did about me.

There’s a reality tv show in the U.S. called “1000 lb Sisters” — about 2 sisters, one weighing 600+ lbs (almost 43 stone) & the other weighing 400 lbs (28.5 stone) and their road to weight loss surgery together.
The second (#2) sister took her situation seriously and dieted and exercised and managed to have the surgery, but only a few months afterwards became pregnant. She was advised by her Dr to wait 2 yrs. Now, she’s pregnant again. The babies are only a few months apart - she planned this and tried to get pregnant. She’s not kept up with her diet and exercise and there’s the very real fear she’ll gain all the weight back.
The first sister (#1) has never tried, is obnoxious, rude, has a filthy, disgusting mouth and constantly cheats at her diet and never, ever exercises. On the last episode, she was in intensive care and not expected to live - she lived, but that’s all I know.
#1 has had a series of boyfriends, which her family refers to as “feeders,” and they say these men have a fetish for overweight women. So there’s a subset of men who are clearly attracted to severely overweight women, but they’re clearly in the minority.
I’m appalled at myself for having watched this program, but it’s like a car crash — you can’t turn away. There are several children in this family and almost every one has had the weight loss surgery.

You know your worth, as I know mine — do not let the shallow bastards get you down, try as they might or not try at all.

@Thoosa

Gosh *@SwanBuster* I’m sorry. I forgot you are a man and therefore must be appeased. I’m sure you’re completely right about everything. Of course your anecdote about fat women being sexy as long as they have a filthy (highly sexualised) sense of humour was most helpful. Your instructions to the OP to change herself and your kind elucidation of your manly view are doubtless solving all OP’s issues. Many thanks. 🙄

Oh and final point. I do not tell the OP to change herself in any way - physically or personality wise.

In case i didn’t explain myself well, the summary is

“Don’t change anything other than the *perception’ of yourself, to yourself”.

@SwanBuster Don't feel you have to leave. Your views are as valid as anyone else's!

YABU for referring to grown women as “girls”

@BoredZelda

YABU for referring to grown women as “girls”

PMSL. BINGO! There's always one isn't there?

But of course, in your world view it’s probably down to the men to change their nature. Good luck with that.

@SwanBuster It'd be nice if the sleazy ones tried to change their attitude and behaviour.

@DreamTheMoors Sorry to hear you have a disability. How're you doing?

I can see that Amy in 1000lb sisters would want to have a family, like a lot of women. It's very good luck that her weight didn't overly effect her fertility, and the nutritional implications of surgery didn't have an impact on her pregnancy. I hope she carries on doing fairly ok. Yes she could've waited two years and it might've been better on the health front. But a lot of women want babies when they want them; the desire is very strong.

I don't tend to watch it but I watch videos about it on youtube.

[quote MurmuratingStarling]@SwanBuster Don't feel you have to leave. Your views are as valid as anyone else's![/quote]
Thank you!

@me4real

But of course, in your world view it’s probably down to the men to change their nature. Good luck with that.

@SwanBuster It'd be nice if the sleazy ones tried to change their attitude and behaviour.

@DreamTheMoors Sorry to hear you have a disability. How're you doing?

I can see that Amy in 1000lb sisters would want to have a family, like a lot of women. It's very good luck that her weight didn't overly effect her fertility, and the nutritional implications of surgery didn't have an impact on her pregnancy. I hope she carries on doing fairly ok. Yes she could've waited two years and it might've been better on the health front. But a lot of women want babies when they want them; the desire is very strong.

I don't tend to watch it but I watch videos about it on youtube.

Absolutely right. It would be nice. But it’s utterly impractical. The spectrum of intelligence in men is no different to women. Many (men and women) are just - and apologies if this a protected characteristic - thick as pig shit.

A subset of those thick as pigs hit ones are also going to be inherently superficial, or themselves insecure.

And they are going to think - like the thick, superficial and insecure people they are, that they have a right to treat others like shite because they are overweight, underweight, a different shade of skin, more intelligent, less intelligent, taller, shorter - whatever.

You will not change that, and neither will I. So ignore them and stop giving a crap what they think.

This has been 💯 true for me. I’ve lost weight recently and gone from a size 22 to a size 14 so far. The change in people’s attitudes towards me has been almost seismic. Mainly, they seem to suddenly think i am somewhat intelligent and don’t need everything mansplained constantly and they’re more likely to chat as well. Weird.

I mean it's not like women 'want to speak' with fat men either, it really isn't as sex specific as you are trying to make it out to be, for every sleazy man there is a superficial woman.

I have had male members in my team openly sidlined in discussion from female collegues because they are the typical meme of software engineers in favour of fawning over the young slim, obviously works out types, even though the meme types are the ones who are doing the heavy lifting (not a pun) of the project.

It really isn't as sex specific as some on here are wanting to portray

Is this a conscious or unconscious bias I wonder? I was around central London today for work and saw/spoke to tonnes of people.... I genuinely cannot remember having a single passing thought about anyone's size, big or small, at all. I thought one guy was loud and a lady had a cute dog but that's it!

I'm struggling with this lately. I had a tough divorce (aren't all divorces tough?) and put on a few stone. I went from a curvy 14 to a stout 20 and I don't feel like I can date again or feel confident enough to until I get down to a 16 max.
I won't feel 'hot' again till I've lost the weight, and it's taking longer than I hoped.

It's soul destroying but Im actually really happy in my single life. In some ways it's spurred me on to enjoy my own company - it's just sad I feel like Im not worth a second glance romantically.

Most men prefer slimmer women shocker. I don’t remember a time when this hasn’t been the case.

I was fat for a while and I felt like you but looking back I was deeply unconfident and probably quite stand offish (not saying you are!) then I lost the weight and thrived for a while off of being chased by men. I have maintained the weight loss and am slim, but now I have a stand offish attitude of ‘I cba’ constantly and feel invisible again. This time though, I love it. My boss, however, hates it because people go to him instead of me for things that are my job. And I just sit there and smile because they’re harassing him and not me

@BDHS1

Most men prefer slimmer women shocker. I don’t remember a time when this hasn’t been the case.

That's BS. Not most men at all

It’s definitely most men, not all but most.

It's fine if men prefer slimmer women to date, when it comes to sex and relationships preferences are fine. This thread is about non romantic/sexual/dating interactions.

You are 100% correct OP, men only value women according to fuckability in their opinion, and it's the exact same whether the women is an online dating prospect, a colleague, their lawyer, a receptionist, or someone they walk past on the street.

I used to make an effort but now I don't let it bother me. Men don't like me, and the feeling is mutual. If men don't want to listen to me or get helped by me at work, good. They can wait an extra few minutes or go without the information they need, while I put my feet up with a coffee.

As a man I would say a warm smile and the feeling someone is approachable is what makes me gravitate to a particular receptionist or sales person!
I just get that 6 th sense someone is more approachable than another person .. just like a cat will approach one person but not another ! Vibes maybe ?
Just a man's perspective!

@AHungryCaterpillar

It’s definitely most men, not all but most.

Of course it is and also most women prefer slimmer men.

Ask anyone to dream up their fantasy man or woman and you can guarantee they're never going to say 'Blonde hair, blue eyes, quite tall and obese'.

It goes without saying, no matter how a tiny handful of people will try to deny it.

100% agree. I have put on about 4 stone in 2 years and I have noticed that the dads at school have started giving me a wide berth (heh). Also takes me longer to get served over in bars - I am frequently passed over for a more attractive, slim woman. Customer service is worse too. E.g. manouvering kids on trains singlehandedly was a nightmare recently although I am always polite to staff. It is horrible 😓 YANBU