Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men do not like talking to fat woman

249 replies

Happymiraclemorning · 25/03/2022 20:12

Ok not all men- but here me out

I’m a receptionist. I work with 3 other woman all slim I am fat - size 20

I have noticed over the years of my job men very often will go to the other girl to be served. I often will make conversation but can see their face go blank and show zero interest in having a chat. I can’t help but feel this is due to me being fat. Almost terrified someone will see them chatting to someone fat.

I’m very happily married- I don’t mean chatting men up - I’m working and to make the day go faster it’s nice chatting to people.

I lost a lot of weight once and got down to a size 12. I noticed a massive difference, men would at least look me in the eye and would happily chat.

AIBU or do you think there is some truth in this?

OP posts:
Thoosa · 26/03/2022 12:19

@Comedycook

Didn't you just agree with that repulsive comment about some universal "human instinct" and say it was probably true?

Yeah ..and? Why does physical attraction even exist at all? It's unpalatable but yes, people are generally attracted to those who look healthy and well and like they will produce healthy, robust offspring. We're literally just animals.

The OP is about civil human interaction. Not mating behaviour.

Shruggy posts about “deformity” are revolting.

Lurking9to5 · 26/03/2022 12:23

I agree, I worked in a place once where a man hired the best receptionist, she spoke two languages and the other language was important to the company because of who we did business with, she had the highest typing speeds and the best telephone voice and she had worked in a library and had demonstrated her various organisational skills. He was delighted with his new hire. BUT............he was berated by the male colleagues for hiring a dog. The men labelling her that word were the ugliest fattest baldest sweatiest men in the company. Unbelievable. She got a better job before too long though and then they hired somebody they could leer at.

Reception work has a short life span as a job plan.

PenguinPup · 26/03/2022 12:24

It is the same if you are slim and ugly. I've been called ugly my whole life, so I know I am. I can remember lots of times when male 'friends' and colleagues haven't want to be seen talking to me. They dont want anyone to think that "I'm the best they can do" as my brother charmingly put it. It's a miserable life sometimes.

Lurking9to5 · 26/03/2022 12:34

Reading this thread it's so clear that some types of male personality regard any interaction with a woman as a reflection on them. Like they shouldn't even have to talk to a fat / ugly/ old / non-conforming woman as their ''value'' is higher, and any communication with that woman puts that in to question! Even if the communication is ''what time is the contractor back in the office?'' four o'clock, ok, can I wait in room 3c?'' They feel it reflects on them, devalues them. Their value needs to be validated externally. They are shallow vacuums but they aren't all that rare, it may be 2022 but they're not a dying breed

Autumn42 · 26/03/2022 12:34

Hell yes, you’ll find exactly the same thing as you get older too

Autumn42 · 26/03/2022 12:42

P.s. However to add, I’ve seen plenty of plain or chubby women in happy marriages/happy lives and plenty of very pretty slim women who are unhappily single or whose husbands leave them for the next pretty young thing. So in life overall it doesn’t seem to make a huge amount of difference but yes your not imagining it and it’s a very common reaction from many men

MarthaFokker · 26/03/2022 13:03

@NellesVilla

The more time I spend on Mumsnet, the more I hate men.

So happy to be single; the only thing I’d ever need from a mad would be another income to get on the property ladder or to protect me from other men on my travels, which is very sad.

The more time I spend on Mumsnet, the more I hate men.

That sort of prejudice is possibly a result of not realising that most MNetters tend to only post about men when they have a problem. Meanwhile, there a tonnes of very nice ordinary men who no-one posts about because why would they really?

NellesVilla · 26/03/2022 13:31

@MarthaFokker, I would love to post about ‘nice’ men on here. Unfortunately many of us haven’t met any!

Feel free to start a post on the ‘decent’ ones, and to throw one my way (joke- I am happy to be single tbh!!).

QuizzicalEyebrows · 26/03/2022 13:51

You're absolutely right OP.

When I was slim I got hit on on a daily basis and was constantly flirted with and asked out by random strangers. I got chatted up everywhere.

Since I've put on weight, yes I chat to men but it is nothing like it used to be.

It's very interesting to have experienced both.

Foody8410 · 26/03/2022 14:03

I'm size 24/26. In currently a sahm do not in the workplace at the moment but I very often feel invisible. I've never actually had a bad experience, I think I've been lucky so far, but because I'm very plain looking aswell I was always ignored even when slim. Never had any attention from men.
For me, my self confidence is zero, especially if I'm out on my own, so don't make eye contact or really speak to anyone. I'm much more comfortable when with my family. I have one freinsewho is bigger than me so I also feel comfortable with her

NellesVilla · 26/03/2022 14:07

Vast majority of men would prefer a thin, plain looking woman than an overweight but beautiful one.

Crazy world we live in.

I remember when Sophie Dahl was ‘fuller-figured’ and men I worked with saying how she’d be a babe if she dropped a few dress sizes, whereas the women were all saying how gorgeous she was. Which she was.

Also, Nigella Lawson and Charlotte Church are stunning at any size. But again, same opinions as above on their curvier shapes (although this is one office in a market town in England!).

BloodyloveGeorge · 26/03/2022 14:59

YANBU I’m afraid. Though I have joined a fitness grp and a few of the women are a bit shitty to me, the tall, skinny ones… they don’t want to partner with me on stuff. It’s happened before but luckily I’m thick skinned about that kind of stuff!

HRTQueen · 26/03/2022 15:10

Yes it’s true and as you get older

It’s nice just going about your business not having to deal with being objectified

Bintymcbintface · 26/03/2022 15:33

I don't understand why men are deemed arseholes for not being attracted to fat bodies. There is nothing wrong with having a preference, some guys like bigger bodies too. If a woman said she wasn't into short fat blokes people would agree

Flyingteaspoon · 26/03/2022 15:45

I received the most male attention I’ve ever had in my 60+ years, when I was in my early 20s and was anorexic and weighed 6.5st. So bloody depressing when I think about it.

Turkishdelightchocisace · 26/03/2022 15:52

@Flyingteaspoon I'm exactly the same. When I got to a healthy weight and had the audacity to age, I may aswell not even exist

cushioncovers · 26/03/2022 16:44

Binty it's not about men not being attracted to fat women it's about the fact that a lot of men treat fat women with such contempt in general.

Autumn42 · 26/03/2022 16:45

@Bintymcbintface

I don't understand why men are deemed arseholes for not being attracted to fat bodies. There is nothing wrong with having a preference, some guys like bigger bodies too. If a woman said she wasn't into short fat blokes people would agree
I think the issue isn’t so much about sexual attraction and whether they’d want to date you at all, but just being wanting to be treated as a woman of equal value and worthy of respect whatever you look like/old you are
Lurking9to5 · 26/03/2022 17:07

I think men can feel "safe" talking to older women, like, phew, she couldn't possibly think i'm interested. Im 51, but very "conforming", makeup, earrings, perfume, love clothes, so men still talk to me quite friendly, maybe more so than when i was younger and they mightn't have wanted to give me the impression they actually liked me!!

PandoraP · 26/03/2022 17:10

It’s true. The thinner I am the nicer men are to me. Crazy!

Momicrone · 26/03/2022 17:14

Being invisible has its benefits too

Flyingteaspoon · 26/03/2022 17:16

Turkishdelightchocisace. Once I got to a normal weight I got attention because my boobs were big so had lots of stares and men talking to my chest. I despair.

Turkishdelightchocisace · 26/03/2022 17:18

@Flyingteaspoon I had the same. Kinda thankful I'm actually gay, otherwise I know it would probably bother me a whole lot more

Flyingteaspoon · 26/03/2022 17:26

Turkish. I’m too old to care which is also a blessing .

TheNameOfTheRoses · 26/03/2022 17:39

@Bintymcbintface

I don't understand why men are deemed arseholes for not being attracted to fat bodies. There is nothing wrong with having a preference, some guys like bigger bodies too. If a woman said she wasn't into short fat blokes people would agree
Because this is not a post about being sexually attracted by a woman but a post about normal day to day interaction.

Why should women have to be pretty and slim so that men actually talk to them to ask when the conference room is? Why is it ok for men to treat women Wo are not slim like a pariah/lesser than/like a piece of shit you dint want to get close to?

I mean I’m pretty sure that all us, men included, are able to have normal day to day conversation with the opposite sex Wo automatically see that conversation become flirting/a sexual encounter, no?