Page 4 | Men do not like talking to fat woman

SaintDrogo · 25/03/2022 21:43

Absolutely! I also feel there’s an element of “fat=stupid” sadly. Currently I’m a size 20, and when I introduce myself, very often people raise their eyebrows at me as if they’re shocked I can do the job.

Rosebel · 25/03/2022 21:44

I'm not sure.
I think it's a confidence issue that you notice more because you're conscious of being overweight.
If your husband isn't worried about his weight then people will still react positively to him.
I'm overweight but still get male customers and staff chat to me.

LottyD32 · 25/03/2022 21:47

@Happymiraclemorning

Ok not all men- but here me out

I’m a receptionist. I work with 3 other woman all slim I am fat - size 20

I have noticed over the years of my job men very often will go to the other girl to be served. I often will make conversation but can see their face go blank and show zero interest in having a chat. I can’t help but feel this is due to me being fat. Almost terrified someone will see them chatting to someone fat.

I’m very happily married- I don’t mean chatting men up - I’m working and to make the day go faster it’s nice chatting to people.

I lost a lot of weight once and got down to a size 12. I noticed a massive difference, men would at least look me in the eye and would happily chat.

AIBU or do you think there is some truth in this?

I disagree. I am fat, and have been fat more than I've been thin, and I've never had a problem pulling or getting and holding mens attention.

I'd say most men like fat more than skinny ime.

etulosba · 25/03/2022 21:49

Subconsciously we are drawn to what we perceive as being more attractive.

It’s called “attractiveness bias”. It’s a pretty well known phenomenon. The text book example is a debate between Richard Nixon and John Kennedy in 1960.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 25/03/2022 21:50

I used to work at the reception when I was in Uni. One girl always complained that she was less favoured among three of us. She wasn't fat, we were all similar size, but she said she was less attractive. I think she was wrong, she just lacked confidence. She always looked down, she was so anxious, she just lacked confidence to be welcoming.

Stephthegreat · 25/03/2022 21:50

Read ‘The Fat Black Woman’s Poems’ by Grace Nichols. Really great book of poetry.

Fat is not a bad word in our house. Being fat is not any better or worse than being thin. I think what the other posters said about confidence is true.

Momicrone · 25/03/2022 21:52

I see it as people being subconsciously drawn to what they find attractive, ultimately its about procreation, a man is more likely to talk to the younger woman for example

Orchidsonthetable · 25/03/2022 21:52

@Gotajobthrunepotism

I will say one thing good about being fat though: you don’t attract the shallow type who only care about you looking hot and then go off you when you gain a few pounds.

Lots of my much better looking slim friends have ended up with absolute arseholes of men

Yes becayse no over weight woman ever dated an arsehole.

WindyKnickers · 25/03/2022 21:55

Its sad that so many peoples self esteem is wrapped up in how much attention they get from others.

JuteWeaver · 25/03/2022 22:00

You're absolutely right, OP. In the past, when I was big, I never got a first glance, let alone a second and very little chance to chat or get to know people. I got much more attention when I lost weight.
It's a sad reflection of our society, isn't it.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/03/2022 22:02

One of my friends is slightly overweight, and also very shy. When out and about she never got any male attention. One guy said about her that she could make an effort to lose weight. She doesn't eat a lot or eat rubbish, and she is only size 16 fgs! When I told the guy he was out of order and that she has underactive thyroid issues, he said it was more likely to be overactive knives and forks. She heard it. You don't need morons like that in your life anyway.

Original poster

Happymiraclemorning · 25/03/2022 22:02

It’s not sexual attention though that I’m talking about. It’s general day to day ‘hellos’ and ‘good mornings’. It’s like in my job if I ask basic questions about their appointments I can see them looking at the other girl to serve them.
When we get deliveries (several large boxes a day) I’ve seen male clients and even male members of staff help the other girls lift the boxes. In 15 years not one person has asked me if I need help with the heavy boxes.

OP posts:

GreekGod · 25/03/2022 22:03

Yes there is 100% truth in this. It is a topic we have often discussed with my friends.

I always get more clients and am more respected in my work when I lost all my pregnancy weight. This is so awful but in my experience very true

Onlyhuman123 · 25/03/2022 22:03

Yanbu. I've experienced same. Sad isn't it.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/03/2022 22:05

@Happymiraclemorning

It’s not sexual attention though that I’m talking about. It’s general day to day ‘hellos’ and ‘good mornings’. It’s like in my job if I ask basic questions about their appointments I can see them looking at the other girl to serve them. When we get deliveries (several large boxes a day) I’ve seen male clients and even male members of staff help the other girls lift the boxes. In 15 years not one person has asked me if I need help with the heavy boxes.

I think some guys think so simply that they don't differentiate between romantic/sexual prospects and women they meet day to day. They just deal with them if they fancy them. Some are simply stupid.

georgarina · 25/03/2022 22:06

I lost weight as a teenager and the difference was night and day. People (adults and children, teachers, friends' dads) who ignored me or treated me like shit before were suddenly nice and attentive and respectful. It killed me a bit to see how shallow our world actually is.

Original poster

Happymiraclemorning · 25/03/2022 22:07

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron

One of my friends is slightly overweight, and also very shy. When out and about she never got any male attention. One guy said about her that she could make an effort to lose weight. She doesn't eat a lot or eat rubbish, and she is only size 16 fgs! When I told the guy he was out of order and that she has underactive thyroid issues, he said it was more likely to be overactive knives and forks. She heard it. You don't need morons like that in your life anyway.

That’s so so mean.

When I was 20 I was about a size 16. I actually got mugged on a night out. I was crying and I heard a bloke say to his mate ‘there’s a girl over there crying’ his mate replied ‘so what? She’s fat’

I was on a night out with a group of about 8 girls - these blokes were marking us out of 10 as we walked in.

‘9, 8,10,9,8,9,10, and then I walked in and they all started laughing and a guy said 1- a 8 if she wasn’t fat (I was a size 14 at this particular time)

After this guy said this I didn’t go on another night out for about a year.

OP posts:

dipdye · 25/03/2022 22:08

In 15 years not one person has asked me if I need help with the heavy boxes.

^

Can relate. When I'm a size ten those men cannot move quick enough to lift a box for me/open a door/ let me go first.

Thomasina79 · 25/03/2022 22:10

Unfortunately this is my experience too. Also age is a factor, once you get over 50 you become invisible.

Interestingly when I broke a bone and could not walk we purchased a wheelchair. It was interesting on going around the supermarket that for the men I just was not visible at all and had no help or even kindness. Women, on the other hand, whatever their age, we’re kindness itself and helped whenever they could. We did have one awkward moment when we had done our shopping, I had my purse out to pay and my DH was spoken to as though he was paying. A real ‘does he take sugar’ moment!

catfunk · 25/03/2022 22:12

Agree, I think it's a very basic evolutionary throwback. People are subconsciously drawn to people who look good for breeding - young and healthy. Plus years of fat phobia and ageism towards women in the media.
The older and bigger I get; the more invisible I am.

Stephthegreat · 25/03/2022 22:14

Again, I’ve not experienced this with men. I find women are more catty and often make comments.

Often men will come over and talk to me for a long time, it’s not sexual but just that there’s a conversation there and an enjoyment of each other’s company.

Original poster

Happymiraclemorning · 25/03/2022 22:15

I feel like I should stop talking to men in general- stop them feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. My work place is 90% woman so that helps and the only other man I interact with is my husband.

Men just make me feel like im a freak

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cpox · 25/03/2022 22:16

I’m not overweight but I have definitely experienced similar as someone who isn’t conventionally attractive.

Funnily enough, women don’t seem to treat me like this (it’s not all men who do this obviously, but certainly a significant enough amount of them who don’t think I’m worthy of basic respect)

Mistygreyeyes · 25/03/2022 22:16

I'm a 12 but in my 50s, grey hair . Same reception, not that I'm bothered but it's disappointing that men are so superficial.

Thoosa · 25/03/2022 22:18

Can you cultivate another slightly different work persona? Underline your complete disinterest in these shallow values somehow? I feel like your armour needs beefing up and I don’t blame you. Some of these stories are horrible.