To Make DS do something he vehemently doesn’t want to?

[UserOfManyMonickers]

So DS (11) is a complete tech addict. It’s good in one way as he can write his own code and watches a lot of science based stuff. He can tell you all about Nuclear Fusion if you’re interested!

He’s doing excellently at secondary school. In fact I’ve had calls from teachers telling what a pleasure he is to teach and how he’s acing everything. One teacher told me this this week. he’s never taught anybody like him (not a stealth boast but background!).

BUT he won’t go out. He’s not interested in meet-up with friends. Won’t do any excercise, he’s 5ft 8 and reasonably slim so not overweight. He just doesn’t want to exert himself, waste of energy!

Anyway I enrolled him in Scouts last year as a way to do stuff outdoors. He was OK initially but said it was quite boring and the other boys are immature and doesn’t seem to have made friends there. He’s always on the periphery.

For the last few weeks he has insisted he’s not doing it. I’ve said he is.

He has a 2 night camp tomorrow and lots more over the rest of the year. I’ve shelled out a lot for kit and he’s just had a massive tantrum that he’s not going. Tears, shouting everything. He hates me.

WIBU to force him?

My older boys were similar and I gave up with making them do stuff like this. I’m don’t want to do the same with him!

I don’t think you should make him. It’s clearly not his thing.

Leave him alone

if I were him I'd hate you too

What do you honestly think you'll achieve? He won't suddenly start liking outdoor activities.

Does he have friends?

I think he’s too old be forced into clubs like this. Why’s it not ok that he’s academic and not overly sociable? He sounds lovely as he is.

YABU

What are you hoping to achieve by making him go? All you are doing is wasting money, and causing resentment.

Totally unreasonable I'm afraid. What's he getting out of going? It doesn't sound like it's a positive experience for him in any way. You're forcing him into it because of your own agenda and views on extra curricular stuff, not because it's helping him in any way.

Pick your battles. This is not a sensible one.

Sorry but I don't think you should make him if he really doesn't want to. I agree with trying to find alternatives to the tech - keep trying, see if your DS has any suggestions. But staying overnight with people he doesn't get on with doesn't sound like fun to me.

At his age I would say he could stop if and when he finds something he will willingly do instead. I agree that at this age, it’s not great for them to have no interests out of the house.

Leave it.

If he hates it he won’t get anything out of it.

If you’re forcing him to do things his older brothers didn’t have to it’s going to se doubly unfair.

God, leave the kid alone.

How are his older brothers now?

He sounds a happy, successful boy - you don’t need to force him into another mould to socialise just because he is an introvert.

I’m from a strong scouting family and I’d say let him leave.

You would be very unreasonable to force him.Give the poor kid a break. Scouts obviously isn't for him and a two night camp is a huge ask when he clearly hates it.

You aren't going to make him an outdoors person by completely overwhelming him like this.

Aren't there any coding clubs or similar in your area?

No - he's allowed not to like things.

I’m coming it at from a health and exercise point of view. He can sit for bloody hours at the computer on weekends without moving. it’s not healthy!

Ds was similar up til 11. Then it became clear why. Currently awaiting ASD tests..
Explains a whole lot with ds...
Listen to your ds op.

And build bridges now - go hug him, tell him you’ve had a good think and listened to him and heard him.

Stop trying to force a round peg into a square hole. Learn to appreciate the round peg you have.

There’s a difference between getting him away from his computer though and forcing him into an overnight camp with kids he’s not friends with.

You are only being unreasonable in the specifics - he’s too old to be forced to scout camp if he doesn’t want to do it. How would you like it?

However it’s perfectly fair enough to insist he does some form of exercise, and if there are coding or science clubs around, that he joins those (there might be summer camps too?)

Work with him to try and find the things he hates least. Explain why exercise and a degree of interaction are important.

Interesting as my DS is nearly 10 and we have similar issues with cubs although he does tend to enjoy it once he’s there! I think at 11, I probably wouldn’t force it.

I try and get DS to do outdoors things at home that he enjoys (lighting little fires and cooking stuff generally!). We also go camping so that’s a bit of enforced outdoors time! I try and get him out once every day even if just to the local shop.

@UserOfManyMonickers

I’m coming it at from a health and exercise point of view. He can sit for bloody hours at the computer on weekends without moving. it’s not healthy!

A two night camp is not the answer It will just make him hate outdoors things even more

Glad my parents never tried to force me to do things. Gentle encouragement is one thing but this is horrible and likely to backfire very badly.

Definitely leave him alone and don’t make him go.

Poor boy stop forcing him into a situation he hates!

Reasonable to get him to do exercise. Unreasonable to make him go on a 2 night camp that he will hate.

It sounds like his way of doing things is reaping rewards and keeping him sane and happy. You're doing the equivalent of being an army major making him do star jumps to move. He sounds lovely and capable. Tune into him a bit more maybe. Kids do things differently these days and let's be honest are we at the gym right now or winding down online?