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Original poster

Asking a friend back for the money I lent her

192 replies

Hazbot · 24/03/2022 16:47

I lent my friend £1000 last March to help with her debts that her husband didn’t know about. She was saying at the time that it was causing her great anxiety and stress and didn’t know how to pay it off as he wanted to buy a house soon.

She had already borrowed money from her husband’s friend and had a payment plan to pay that money back and so this was £1000 that her husband didn’t know about.

We never wrote a formal payment plan back and I did believe that she had every intention to pay it back.

Fast forward to august where we had a huge fall out because she thought I was flirting with her husband. We eventually made up where she apologised because she was extremely drunk but our relationship has never been the same since.

She’s mentioned a few times about paying it back but nothing ever materialises.

During all this, she has tried to move house, gone through 2 bouts of IVF and has her dad repeatedly in hospital so I know she’s going through it.

But I’m wondering how I can ask her if she has a payment plan for the £1000 I lent her and when the best time to ask her.

She’s currently going through ivf again and so I know it’s stressful for her.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
Chely · 24/03/2022 16:50

I think that money is never coming back to you.
I would write it and the friendship off, she sounds like a piss taking twat.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 24/03/2022 16:50

Sorry op but your money has gone.

FinnRussell · 24/03/2022 16:51

You're not getting the money back. You need to decide whether you keep the friendship.

Hoppinggreen · 24/03/2022 16:52

You arent getting that back and she didn’t think you were flirting with her husband either

Idontevenknow · 24/03/2022 16:53

I agree with others I'm afraid

Gowithme · 24/03/2022 16:53

Hmmm do you really think you'll ever see that money again? I can't imagine lending any friend that sort of amount. If it's been a year and she's done nothing to pay any of it back then I'd guess she doesn't intend to. I'd just message 'Hi friend, could really do with that money i lent you last year back, could you let me know when you can start repaying. Thanks X. Unfortunately though I think she'll be fobbing you off and making excuses forever until eventually you give up or fall out over it.

SoupDragon · 24/03/2022 16:53

I don't think you're ever getting that money back either.

FangsForTheMemory · 24/03/2022 16:54

Are you sure she didn't engineer the row in order not to have to pay you back?

I think you've seen the last of your money tbh.

Feilin · 24/03/2022 16:54

Theres no way you are getting it back. Sorry OP . Its a harsh lesson.

alexdgr8 · 24/03/2022 16:56

sorry, it's gone.
but you were a bit naive to lend her money when you knew that she already had outstanding debts.
learn the lesson.
never lend money you can't afford, or are not willing to lose.
shakespeare was right.
human nature doesn't change over time and space.

cluelesscountrycnut · 24/03/2022 16:56

Anyone ballsy enough to borrow money of two people while not telling her husband is no way going to pay it back. I hope you can afford to write it off.

PurpleDaisies · 24/03/2022 16:57

Never lend anyone any money unless you can afford not to get it back. That money has gone.

MalbecandToast · 24/03/2022 16:59

You arent getting that back and she didn’t think you were flirting with her husband either

This! Totally engineered to avoid paying you back. Write it off OP and don't lend money to friends again, it is always awkward and rarely ends well.

Hereward1332 · 24/03/2022 16:59

She is making you choose - you can either have the money or a friend. I would choose the money; her friendship is worthless. If you don't pursue it she'll probably hit you up again in six months. Don't be a doormat.

Acheyknees · 24/03/2022 17:00

How about a breezy 'Hi Friend, I really need that money repaid soon, are you able to start a repayment plan? I know you have alot on your plate so shall I approach your DH to sort it?'

2DogsOnMySofa · 24/03/2022 17:00

A simple text asking for it back.

Hi X, can I ask when you're likely to pay me back the £1000 I lent you last year, we can do it in instalment of its easier?

But I do think you can probably kiss it goodbye. Depends how much you need it, if she Bataks you give her a deadline, if she blocks you approach her husband

caringcarer · 24/03/2022 17:00

Have you got any proof you lent her the money eg bank transfer? Otherwise you won't get it back.

Cloudsanddaffodils · 24/03/2022 17:01

Shes spent that money on the ivf. I'd wave goodbye to the money and the "friendship" tbh Sad

jeanne16 · 24/03/2022 17:03

It is highly unlikely that she can pay any of it back. Surely that must have been obvious when you lent it to her.

gamerchick · 24/03/2022 17:03

You're not getting it back. I would message her saying you need the grand you lent her back and then just write her off as a friend. Put the ball on her court.

Never give money to people you can't afford to lose.

uggmum · 24/03/2022 17:05

I did a similar thing. Lent a friend some money.

I don't think she will ever repay me in full. After 2 years she agreed to pay me £40 a month. But last month she asked for it back as she said she was skint.

I gave it back but I won't do it again.

It's a very hard lesson to learn

Babadook76 · 24/03/2022 17:09

I don’t get why people are saying you won’t get it back. 1k is way too much for me to write off. I’d be taking her to a small claims court for it. And I’d be telling her husband

Luluuuuuuuuuu85 · 24/03/2022 17:10

It sounds like there will never be a good time to ask for it back. You could ask, gently, but be prepared to be fobbed off or angrily accused of being insensitive. Either way she doesn't sound like she's treating you with respect so I don't see how the friendship could have a future. Having said that she may surprise you, you never know...

Duchess379 · 24/03/2022 17:15

She's probably spent the money on IVF. Sadly, I don't think you're getting it back.

MatildaTheCat · 24/03/2022 17:17

@Luluuuuuuuuuu85

It sounds like there will never be a good time to ask for it back. You could ask, gently, but be prepared to be fobbed off or angrily accused of being insensitive. Either way she doesn't sound like she's treating you with respect so I don't see how the friendship could have a future. Having said that she may surprise you, you never know...
Why ask gently? If you haven’t actually asked her directly after all this time then you are being a bit unreasonable because she’s obviously hoping this will continue and she’s kidding herself you don’t need it.

Email her or text saying that it’s been quite a while since you lent her that 1k and you do now need the money back. Suggest a monthly amount (£100?) and include your bank details.

Then be prepared for her to come in with excuses and promises she can’t keep. Just persist and say you need a regular payment set up. She may well have borrowed from other people and will be repaying those who are shouting the loudest.

DH recently got back the money he lent a friend 3 years ago for ‘literally a few days’.